I was reading some journal entries I wrote 3 years ago. Many of them are about how I was trying to juggle writing (which I never did get off the ground at that time), mothering, homeschooling, farming, and being a wife. I wanted to serve God but I was distractible. Exhausted. Unfocused. I felt like I was fighting an uphill battle. Some of my entries even stop mid-sentence, a sign that I had to tend to a child and never sat back down to finish.

Since then, I’ve added on another baby, more necessary self care and health habits, being chair of the worship committee at church, visiting friends more regularly, and blogging. Because every mom needs more stuff to do, right?

While researching the answer to how a mom can do it all, I’ve realized that, right now, my home is relatively kept up and I live a pretty peaceful life. So I guess that kind of means I’ve been doing pretty good in that department lately.

What would I say if someone asked me how to do it all as a mom and not live in a state of overwhelm?

Well, the truth is this: Imperfectly.

I do get burnt out sometimes. I do suffer from “overwhelmed mom syndrome” from time to time. And I do drop the balls I’m so carefully trying to juggle. I see other moms who do it all so much more gracefully than I do. Or at least, that’s what it looks like. But I know that they have their hard days and hard seasons, just like I do.

I want to share with you some of the reasons why I believe I’m way more able to find more balance as a mom than I did a few years ago.

I will add the caveat that 3 years ago I began suffering from post traumatic stress disorder which led to panic attacks and anxiety. (If you would like to read more about that, you can read here about How I Deal with Anxiety) I have also battled depression since I was a teenager. So the added quirks of those disorders definitely play into how I quickly I have the potential to reach that state of burnout or overwhelm and also how careful I have to be to find systems that work to avoid the worst of those situations.

Avoid Overwhelm With Routines

I have a written plan and routines that I’ve slowly built up over time. I have talked before about how I’ve tried to work at our High 5 morning routine for many years. It still isn’t perfect but we are still working on it. The kids know what is expected so they may resist regularly but they know the routine backwards and forwards at this point. And the older boys are truly enjoying taking the toddler under their wings to teach him how to do High 5s. They’re excited for him to get his very own sticker chart in a few months.

I also have a pretty regular personal morning routine. It is interrupted regularly but I give myself a couple hours to do about 20 minutes of Bible reading and my Praise and Prayer journal. I also still use a lot of tips from Mystie Winkler at Simply Convivial and the book Getting Things Done when it comes to my task lists. I go through my habit tracker and habit workbook and reevaluate regularly to make sure I’m prioritizing the right habits.

We may not be perfect in execution of all of our routines but at least we know what needs to be done.

Prioritize Self Care

I continue to prioritize self care. If you are interested in more particulars, you can read my self care series about the routines and habits I use to keep depression at bay. Having a baby and then hitting winter does a number on my fatigue and hormone levels, as well as my ability to get out of the house to socialize. (Going out in -40° with a baby is often not worth the hassle.) It basically leaves me very vulnerable to sinking into depression. So that’s when I go back to the beginning of my self care routine of Bible reading and my Praise & Prayer journal.

And sleep. Besides making sure I’m plugging into God’s word regularly, sleep is the biggest factor of self care. I stick to my bedtime like a champ (I have an alarm on my phone to remind me) to make sure I spend enough time laying in bed that I’m not always exhausted, even though I have been waking up multiple times a night with little ones since my eldest was born 12 years ago.

Friendships

I am so very blessed with friends who are willing to drive out to see me. Before we moved to this community 7 years ago, we lived in the country near a more metropolitan area. Many people there thought coming to my place in the country was too far so I had to continually load up and go into town. (I did have a couple friends who recognized that the road was the same distance both ways and they are still big parts of my heart, in spite of moving away.) My natural inclination is to hibernate during winter months because I don’t do well in the cold (I can never manage to warm up) and, after a severe back injury years ago that I still deal with, I’m terrified of slipping on the ice. But my friends come visit me and drag me out invite me over for visits. Even as an introvert, regular socialization is a necessity.

Focused Time For Each Role

I read somewhere a while back (wish I could remember the source!) that maybe life isn’t about finding balancing and keeping all the balls in the air. Maybe it is about knowing where the balls you dropped land so you can pick them up again.

There are times that I dedicate to my kids and completely ignore the online world. There are times when I ignore my housework to focus on pushing some things forward on my blog. Or I pause anything remotely homeschooling or kid interaction focused so I can get my laundry folded and floors mopped. (Sidenote: usually the kids help with this but sometimes Mama just wants to burn through some of it so I send them out of the room.)

Recognize and Accept That I Can’t Do It Alone

This was a massive gamechanger. I have always been an advocate of “it takes a village to raise a child” but always put that idea toward the fact that our children need other adult role models. So when my father wants to teach one of the boys how a cow’s digestive system work or take a couple boys to town to pick up parts then I’m all for it.

I also know the importance of us fellow moms supporting and encouraging each other. So much so that I have a whole blog dedicated to that very purpose!

But I am forever grateful that God led me to release the guilt I have about thinking I need to run my entire household and business by myself.

It’s okay to ask someone to watch your children while you nap or go out. It’s okay to ask for help with cleaning and organizing. It’s okay to not cook every meal from scratch. It’s okay to have someone else teach your child a skill. There are so many affordable and out of the box ways to get help. You just need to release the guilt of thinking that, just because you chose to have your kids or because you stay at home with them or because you homeschool them that you are the only one responsible for every single thing.

If you are like me and wondering how a mom can do it all, take some time to evaluate the stress points in your life and make a plan to start easing out of those ruts. Get really persistent about your routines, prioritize self care, form enriching friendships, be present in whatever role you are filling in the moment, and find ways to ask for help. 

If you want some guidance, be sure to check out my free habit tracker work book by dropping your email address in the box below. It can walk you through how to choose productive habits as well as help you stay motivated and track them.