6 Tips for Surviving When You Feel Like You’re Drowning in Motherhood

6 Tips for Surviving When You Feel Like You’re Drowning in Motherhood

6 Tips for Surviving When You Feel Like You’re Drowning in Motherhood

Exhausted, brain not thinking clearly, no time or energy to do much of anything so you’re overwhelmed and behind. Parenting is sometimes like that, isnt it? Sometimes it is because of a round of sickness, sometimes it is a season of busyness, maybe it is cabin fever after a bout of bad weather. For me right now it is a newborn.
Those on my email newsletter or who follow me on Twitter may have read my announcement that our fourth son entered the world just over a week ago. As I type this out, he is sleeping in my arms as I sit on my couch. Other than getting up to change a diaper or get a cup of milk for the 3 year old, I have been doing next to nothing since he was born. By noon my brain has turned to mush and having a complete intelligent thought is nearly impossible. (I don’t think I was ever this bad with the others!)  I felt like I was in a similar position after a round of a stomach virus hit us last winter.

By noon my brain has turned to mush and having a complete intelligent thought is nearly impossible.

Here are some tips for surviving when you feel like you’re drowning in motherhood:

Stay hydrated

We all know the benefit of drinking enough water yet many of us still have a hard time doing it. Find ways to make it easier on yourself. Set a timer to remind yourself to have a cup every couple of hours, have a big cup first thing in the morning with breakfast and have your regular coffee afterwards, use mason jars or water bottles and commit to when you want to finish them, remember you don’t have to drink just water. (I have fallen in love with the Takeya ThermoFlask Insulated Stainless Steel Water Bottle. We found it at Costco a few weeks ago and it is everything the description says it is. My husband fills his with ice water every evening when he games and he was totally surprised and impressed when he filled it for the second evening and there was still ice in it from the night before! I try to drink 2 of the 40oz bottles each day, in addition to a coffee, milk, and sometimes tea. Sometimes I throw a lemon wedge in there too.

Sleep

Go to bed early. Nap. It is critical to health and sanity and we all know it. Yet so many moms refuse to do it. I understand you want to have some kid free quiet time in the evening but you’ll find that it doesn’t compare to the sanity gained by an adequate amount of sleep. Napping gets a bit tricky when kids get older and no longer nap but lock the doors, throw on a show or pull out the playdough, and doze on the couch, within earshot. (One of my most popular posts has some more tips on how to survive on interrupted sleep.) Even 20 min of resting your body and mind can be very rejuvenating. My current bedtime is around 9:30pm. Sometimes I go to bed earlier but never later. I sacrifice time with my husband (he does bedtime routines for our older 3 at 8pm and comes back downstairs around 8:20 on non gaming nights) but he and I have been through this stage before and know it is only temporary. Even when I am through the exhausting newborn phase, I still rarely go to bed after 10:30 and set an alarm on my cell phone if I find I’m making excuses to stay up later. And the older boys have learned they are to stay in bed until 7am. The 3 year old sometimes wakes up at 6 but he is still in the side-carred crib, next to my husband, so they snuggle until 7am. Teach them how to read a clock young.

Easy Food

Hit up the frozen meals aisle. I normally prefer to cook from scratch (or mostly scratch anyway) but during this season I’m relying on frozen lasagnas, frozen pizza, canned soup, and easy prep foods and snacks like toast, cereal, yogurt, grilled cheese, noodles, precut veggies, and bananas. Even my 3 year old can prepare himself a simple breakfast and my older two can start the oven and pop a meal in. I’ve also been blessed with an amazing church family and friends who have dropped meals for us.

Maintain Peace

Sometimes this means allowing your 3 year old to have a chocolate chip cookie during breakfast. This may mean using technology more than normal. Or using it less, as it goes in my house. Sending kid to separate rooms for a portion of the day when squabbles get heated. Part of my peace comes in the boys clearing all the toys out of the living room before supper. I have barely looked in the playroom but I breathe a little easier when my main room has some semblance of order after they go to bed.

Housekeeping

Ignore the mess. Truly. Yes, you’ll get behind and yes you’ll feel overwhelmed when you are finally able to catch up but you will catch up, step by step. The only one putting pressure on you is you. All you really need is moderately clean dishes (there are no housekeeping police saying you can use breakfast’s toast dishes for lunch’s grilled cheese and a veggies and dip snack) and moderately clean clothes (no housekeeping police here either so wear the same jeans all week and make your kids do the same and don’t worry about folding and putting away for the time being).

Enlist help

More often than not, our spouses are willing to help out. They just aren’t always good at seeing how much we need or what they can do about it. Let him know you feel like you’re drowning and that you need him to rescue you. And give him bite sized and practical solutions. Don’t say the housework is overwhelming, can you clean the house? Tell him the dishes are stressing you out and can he please fill and run the dishwasher. Or the laundry needs to be switched over, or gathered from bedroom floors and tossed in. And be honest with him (and yourself) about what is most important. If the toilet isn’t bothering you, don’t ask him to clean it. If you still have clean clothes, don’t ask him to do laundry. Kids can do the same. They are often more capable than you give them credit for. Be honest with them about the need to come together as a team to keep the household running.

Some seasons of parenting are harder than others.  There is no way around that. But you also don’t have to drown. So take care of yourself, let go of the housework, and focus on relationships and teamwork within your family. I know that I will get through the newborn hazy days, and I know that you will get through the tough seasons too.
Do you have any other tips to get through the tough seasons? I’d love to add them to my list. I’m sure that there will come a time when all 4 of the boys will get sick at the same time and I’m not looking forward to that!

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6 Tips for Surviving When You Feel Like You’re Drowning in Motherhood

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Help! I Don’t Know How To Play With My Children

Help! I Don’t Know How To Play With My Children

Help! I Don’t Know How To Play With My Children

Lately I’ve been busy caring for my family but I haven’t been focused a lot on enjoying my children. I want to enjoy being a mom but I’m not naturally a “fun mom” and I don’t know how to play with my children.


What I’ve learned is that the most important thing if you don’t know how to play with your children, is to just get down on the floor with them. You need to get used to saying “yes” to them when they ask you to play. You can start by following their lead in play and let them decide what you should do. While playing with your children should be about their fun, if you have a more determined (aka bossy) child, you may even need to learn to say “no” to the way they are playing and show them how they can accommodate others into their play.

One of the most popular topics I have written about is 4 tips for how to enjoy your children more and, of the 4, the one that most mothers I’ve talked to neglect to do, is getting into their world. I’m fully confessing that I am not a “fun mom.” I don’t really do crafts or imaginative play. When I try to play Lego, I usually just end up sorting instead of building.

I don’t even enjoy adult coloring books, which are all the rage right now. As for cutting, gluing and glitter, no thanks!

It is so easy to get distracted. By good things like caring for a baby, keeping your home and family in order, volunteering, keeping up on your self care. But distracted nonetheless. Often we spend so much time doing things for our family that we forget how to just be with our children and enjoy them.

Play is such an important part of a child’s life. As parents, we want to learn to connect with our children and learning how to play with them can fast track our relationship with them.

Getting into the world of our children is such an important way to connect with them. So what do we do if we don’t actually know how to play?

To Play With Your Child You Need to Get On the Floor

Children love when we push matchbox cars around the car mat or build block towers to knock down. We need to appreciate and explore the Lego creations that our kids have made. We can’t do any of that unless we are physically getting down to their level.

This might mean literally sitting on the floor in their play zone. Sometimes just sitting on the floor can be enough to draw your child into play. It might mean picking up a controller and meeting a child in their video game world, even if you aren’t a gamer. It may mean going to the basketball court and standing in the middle of it until they throw you a ball.

In order to play with your child, you actually need to become active in their world. Move from an observer to a participant.

The playing adult steps sideward into another reality; the playing child advances forward to new stages of mastery. – Erik H. Erikson

Say “Yes” When Your Child Asks You to Play

Make a commitment to say “yes” anytime they bring you a storybook (or limit your “yes” time to a certain few hours of the day). Listen intently as your children describe the plots or characters in the books they are reading or shows they are watching. (I used to preread everything but they have more time and my 12yo is a crazy fast reader so I just can’t keep up anymore.) Interact and ask questions to show that you’re paying attention. When you child asks if they can go to the park, go play with them instead of sitting on the bench.

Follow Their Lead When You Don’t Know What to Do

While asking them to play a board game or initiating a crafting time with them is great, you don’t always have to manufacture doing something with them. They often don’t need you to direct them to a game or activity. Sometimes you just need to get into their world and follow their ideas.

If they are already engaged in building a Lego farm, sit down and start building a barn. Or sit beside them on the couch to read over their shoulder and ask a couple questions about what their favorite part of the book is (or this could seriously annoy your child, in which case you may want to pick up the book when they aren’t reading so you can have a conversation about it. Follow their lead!).

Maybe it looks like picking up the xbox controller and help build their latest castle in their Minecraft world, to their specifications of course. (Even if you spend most of the time just trying to figure out how to get the chest of supplies open!) If you’re unsure, ask!

Children are often willing to explain their game and will love the opportunity to lead!

When to Say “No” When Playing With Your Child

Being willing to play with your child does not mean allowing your child to rule over you. Some children are more …. determined than others and it can be eye-opening to see how this manifests in their play.

I always figure that more determined children can be raised into adults who will conquer the world but play time can be a good time for them to learn to accommodate the needs of others.

In most cases, play will be child-led but you can absolutely suggest a different book if you’ve read “Going on a Bear Hunt” 57,000 times and you need a break! Or if your child is making up all the rules and you’re not allowed any input to the point that it feels like you’re being dictated to rather than played with, you’re allowed to say “no more.”

You’re allowed to offer ideas for the game and you’re allowed to decline games that make you feel uncomfortable or injure you. If our toddler wants to play “jump on Mommy and pull her hair,” you’re welcome to decline and offer a more appropriate game.

If you’re like me and not a “fun mom,” this can feel totally unnatural and, to be honest, can take a specific energy and determination that you need to muster up. It takes practice to build something with Lego rather than sort the bins. But there are no rules saying you can’t ask your child to for ideas so let them offer suggestions or advice.

You don’t actually have to be interested in everything they are interested in. When my eldest shows me yet another kind of tank and tells me about it, he knows I will likely not remember but appreciates my undivided attention. (I think I’m getting better at the tank thing. There’s a Panzer, an Abram, a Leopard, a Tiger I and II and… that’s all I’ve got and please don’t ask me to point them out in a picture. )

I’m sure we’ve all heard that children don’t remember how clean their house was but they do remember if their parents were there for them. I’m not entirely sure that’s true because I can clearly remember my mom vacuuming way more often than I do and she even dusted and ironed!

(Is dusting still a thing that people do?)

But I also remember my dad playing board or card games with us on Sunday afternoon. Or my mom sitting beside my sister and me as we watched Gilmore Girls.

Learning how to play with your kids takes time but it is a skill that you can learn, just as you learned to wash dishes or cook supper. It comes with tremendous benefits of increasing your understanding of your children, which can make mothering them easier. And if you get into their world when they are young, they are more likely to allow you into their world as they get older.

Let me know in the comments, how are you going to play with your kids this week? I’m going to pick up that xbox controller at their game time and try to memorize how to open that chest and move supplies into my inventory so I can build something. Who am I kidding? That’s too many buttons! I’ll probably just ride the Minecart roller coaster around their community and let them give me the grand tour.

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Commitment to a Newborn is Worth It

Commitment to a Newborn is Worth It

Commitment to a Newborn is Worth It

Update 2014: I have been dealing with at least one child having a nasty cold/cough keeping him (and myself) awake all night, resulting in a large amount of whining the next day (from them and, being honest here, from me too). The hardest has been 5 month old J. He just doesn’t understand why he feels so miserable and, therefore, has spent an uncharacteristic amount of time crying. I came across this blog post that I wrote several years ago when C was about 18 months old. It is a good reminder that commitment to a newborn is worth it. And so temporary. This high need phase will end. Just like the coughing is subsiding and sleep is becoming more possible for all. Just like my oldest boy is turning 6 this month. Time flies!

(Originally published in October 2009)
C is currently out in the tractor with his papa and I started thinking about when he was just born and we thought this day would never come. The day when he is able to sit in the tractor all by himself while my hubby gets work done has finally arrived. He sits in the little passenger seat and Papa Bear buckles him in. It looks totally cute and he wants nothing to do with me. He waves goodbye to me and tries to close the door! 

Times have changed so much. He used to need to nurse every 1-2 hours. He used to need to be in my arms at all times. He used to need a clean diaper every hour. I’m so glad that I filled his needs. Mothering is a hugely front-end loaded job.

Times have changed so much. He used to need to nurse every 1-2 hours. He used to need to be in my arms at all times. He used to need a clean diaper every hour. I’m so glad that I filled his needs. Mothering is a hugely front-end loaded job. C was not a high need baby by any means, but he still took a lot of time and energy. One of the biggest things to adjust to as a new mom was how much he completely and utterly relied on me to survive.

 

I was his source of nourishment, comfort, stability, warmth, and life! That’s a huge responsibility, to truly be the world to someone. It’s no wonder that so many moms suffer from post partum depression, and lack of sleep and the baby blues and mostly (I think) just a feeling of being overwhelmed and lost. Up until you become a mom things in the world make sense. You can have plans, and schedules, and goals. You can pretty much do whatever you want, whenever you want. With a baby a lot of that goes out the window.

I’m not saying that to discourage anyone. It’s quite an amazing change of lifestyle actually. Your baby is completely dependent on you but it’s not a bad thing. I made the choice to have my son’s needs as number one on my list. That meant a lot of my life had to get put on the back burner for a while.

I think that’s a part of being a mother that scares people: You have to learn to be selfless. We live in such a selfish and instant gratification society.

It’s pathetic how little of ourselves we are willing to give to someone else. Commitment phobias run rampant, whether it be to a career (the average person changes careers 10 times in their life), a relationship (50% of marriages end in divorce), school, a vehicle or house (we buy new ones every 5-7 years) and pretty much anything else.

 

My parenting “philosophy” consists of meeting C’s needs. That includes his needs for a clean diaper, for play time, for food but it also includes his need to nurse, to be comforted to sleep, and even something as simple as his need to be with his mama. I believe that if I meet these needs when he’s young, they won’t hinder him when he’s older.

I know that by showing C a full commitment now he will learn what commitment means. He will be confident in his career and relationships, and everything else that he does in the future. Will he be a perfect adult? Absolutely not. But he will defiantly know what a real commitment looks like.

Do I miss some aspects of my life before C? I don’t usually notice it actually. I enjoy being with C so I don’t often need a “break” from him. I usually just take him with me. Now that he’s getting older, I leave him with his Papa or his Oma (my mom), both people that he knows and trusts. I can’t even think of any other sacrifices I’ve made in my life for him. Sure, I pee with the door open (and often a toddler on my lap), and cooking dinner takes a little more time than it used to, but, in the big picture, those amount to very little. The big picture is that my son is happy and healthy and our family has a lot of fun just being together!

Update 2020: My eldest is now 12! Looking back many years later at what I wrote at the beginning of my mothering journey and I find that my predictions are coming true. I’ve just had my 5th baby and things are… easier! My boys are becoming more independent and confident every day. They are more helpful and their physical need of me is so much less than their little years. I also still make sure to take time to just enjoy being with them, which helps prevent me from getting completely overwhelmed with the amount of care little ones take. Friends used to tell me this stage would come. And now it’s here (for some of my kids as I’m still in the trenches with a toddler and infant) and they were right. It was worth putting my all into them as babies and toddlers! 

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Unschooling Reading Resources

Unschooling Reading Resources

Unschooling Reading Resources

Reading is such a huge part of my life so I’m always on the lookout for good unschooling reading resources. That’s a fancy way of saying I love resources that are fun but also actually work to teach kids to read. I now have 4 kids who are completely obsessed with books (granted one of them is still to little to actually read by himself).

The big question to consider when strewing any resources is how do your kids learn? I’ll be upfront and say that I do very little actual teaching to read and my biggest role was to offer the boys opportunities to learn and then sit back to let them choose what works best for them. But I do have some favorite resources that have been popular with all my boys so far that I wanted to share with you.

My three older sons all learned their letters and letter sounds around two. (The newborn obviously isn’t reading yet.) My eldest started reading just before his 7th birthday and now, 2 years later, is reading far above grade level. My second son, age 6, is reading some words and, if he decides to sit and practice more regularly, will be well on his way to above grade levels within the next year. My 3 year old is practicing writing letters and pretending to read by sounding out words.

Favorite Resources to Teach Kids to Read

(disclaimer: some of these are affiliate links which means I may earn a small commission at no cost to you. Keep in mind I only share products that I know and love! Full Disclosure)

” rel=”noopener noreferrer” target=”_blank”>Letter Factory DVD

Tad the frog goes to the Letter Factory and Professor Quigley lets him sit in on the lessons as the talking letters learn their sounds. My boys have all loved the characters and Leap Frog has done a fantastic job in making each letter and sound memorable. For example, a “monster” walks into the “A Room” and all the little A’s scream “Aaahh!!!”. Don’t worry, it isn’t a scary monster, just the professor in a fuzzy purple costume. The “P Room” is always a favorite as the P says “P” and pops like popcorn. I recommend this to every mama (or grandma) that I know who wants to introduce their child to letters in a fun way.

” rel=”noopener noreferrer” target=”_blank”>Letter Factory Flashcards

We bought the DVD and Flashcards as a bundle and these cards have been played with a ton over the last 8 years. They’ve seen better days but, by some miracle, we have managed to keep all 26 together. The kids love to ask their littlest brother what each letter says and the older two build words and ask each other to guess which word it is. The only downside with word-building is that we only have one of each letter, which limits the amount of words. But they are still a great tool to introduce letters and beginner reading.

” rel=”noopener noreferrer” target=”_blank”>Talking Words Factory

(Can you tell that we love Leap Frog? They didn’t even need to pay me for this.) This show came with our initial purchased bundle and shows the Leap, Lily, and Tad going to the Talking Words Factory. I think some of the talking letters must graduate to this factory because it is all the loved letters from the previous show, except this time they go through the “word whammer” and get stuck together, along with the icky, sticky letters (vowels). This is the movie that has gotten both of my older boys interested in building words and all I have to do is hit “play” while I’m making dinner.

The big question to consider when strewing any resources is how do your kids learn?

Originator Apps

These Apps are available for Android and iPhone. We have installed Endless Alphabet (vocabulary words), Endless Reader (sight words), Endless Wordplay (spelling/word building), and Endless Numbers (counting and early arithmetic). The Android version (not sure about the Apple store version) has a few words or levels as a free sample and then you can buy the rest as packages. As of this post, I have not purchased any of the expansion packs for three reasons: I can’t figure out which app I should buy an expansion on (which one the kids would get the most out of), I don’t know if the expansion packs will work with my Google account or if I will have to purchase the pack separately for each tablet. They aren’t cheap, if you move beyond the free versions, but the letters and words make fun sounds and are simple enough for even my toddler to drag and drop. Plus it is really cute to watch my 3 year old kinesthetic learner imitate the goofy motions of the letters!

Reading Eggs

We started out with the free 2 week trial that they offer new users. The boys ended up liking it so much that I bought a subscription. The gist is that the child does a lesson full of games and catchy songs and fun characters to guide them, and then they get to hatch an egg with an animal in it (or they hatch an acorn if they are doing a Mathseed, as I purchased the companion Math version as well). They boys love figuring out which animal they will get at the end of the lesson and get excited every 10 lessons when they get a new map.

My eldest had issues with the timed lessons so I often sat beside him to turn off the ticking sound and would cover up the timer and tell him we would just practice a few times. He now realizes that the timer is irrelevant and he has learned to turn off the sound and ignore the visual. A great lesson for him to learn how relax enough to think under pressure.
I like that it lets you redo the game as many times as they like, though some of those silly songs from lessons the boys did a couple years ago are still stuck in my head! (1,2,3,4,5, once I caught a fish alive. 6,7,8,9,10, then I let it go again.) You can also get your child to do a placement test if they seem to be struggling or if they’re cruising through the lessons.

My eldest has finished all the maps in Mathseeds and Reading Eggs and isn’t interested in Reading Eggspress (he would rather read paperback books at this point). My 6 year old loves to cruise through 4-5 lessons in one sitting and then doesn’t touch it for a couple weeks. I don’t force him to sit down but I did put a box on his sticker chart. He does his “morning high-5” and then gets to hatch an egg or seed. Again, I’m not super strict about it and give him the option to do it or not. He often decides that he wants to and I have learned to be okay when he doesn’t.

The program is good for toddlers all the way up to tweens and it is is the only program that I consistently pay money for and I’ll continue getting subscriptions for my upcoming readers as well. Getting me to part with my dollar is not an easy task so that’s saying something!

learn to read online

Books, books, and more books

The final resource that has helped my kids with learning and loving to read is to surround ourselves with books. I’m partial to non-fiction books with lots of vivid pictured but I do keep a good stock of quality fiction stories around too. My husband reads a chapter of a read-a-loud every night and I read a lot, both for myself and with them, so reading is just a normal part of their lives. My 9 year old has even started reading a bedtime story to his brothers every evening. I know that the library is ideal for getting fresh books but I love to get books from the thrift store to fill our own shelves. They are super cheap and then the kids can read them over and over again. I also often have a book on hand regarding whatever topic they’re interested in. They don’t have to wait until we make a trip to the library and can delve into that book for however long they want. (Though I have noticed I have a gap in my home library when it comes to geology. Guess I need to make a trip to the thrift store soon, yay!) Sometimes they pull a book of the shelves and get interested in a new topic that way. While I agree that libraries are handy, they do not replace a home library.

You may also enjoy reading:

Book List for Boys (I’m sure they’re great for girls too but I don’t have any girl readers at this point.)

How to Encourage Boys to Love Reading (Again, the advice is sound for girls too but my reading experience is just with boys so far.)

As you can see, we love both technology as well as old fashioned paperbacks when it comes to reading. We don’t do phonics lessons, or forced reading assignments and probably never will (unless a child asks for it). My goal is for my kids to grow up thinking reading is a normal part of every day life. We love Leap Frog and also purchased a LeapReader Pen and LeapPad a couple months ago at a garage sale. So far they are well loved and I believe they will both contribute to the boys’ growing love of books and reading.

What are your favorite ways to foster a love of reading in your children? In yourself?
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How to Form Habits and Change Your Life

How to Form Habits and Change Your Life

How to Form Habits and Change Your Life

Habits.

Discipline.

Change.

Scary words for many people. As someone who struggles with depression and anxiety, I feel the exact same way. And anyone coming from a point of overwhelm (and let’s be real, far too many moms get stuck in overwhelm!) is going to have a hard time setting big goals because they will just add to the overwhelm. So the question is how to form habits without getting defeated, feeling intimidated or becomeing even more overwhelmed? 

(If you’re interested, check out my post to read more about How to Deal With Anxiety.)

how to form habits that stick

I have always felt like there is a part of me that should be able to do more. Be more. There are so many people out there who can handle so much more than me so why can’t I? So many other people have success in shaping their lives through discipline and habits and hard work, why not me?

Have you ever felt like you are just watching all these people who seem to have things together and wondering “why not me?”

Making Excuses

I am a queen of excuse making. I joke about how I can justify anything.

Chocolate? It has iron and I’m often bordering on deficiency.
Popcorn twists? It’s the one of the few things I can eat while dealing with morning sickness so they can’t be that bad.
Being a couch potato? My baby needs to nurse frequently and, when she isn’t nursing, the toddler needs lots of hugs and cuddles too. So I’m not being lazy, I’m meeting needs a building relationships.
Reading instead of doing laundry? I need to get more education on how to improve my housekeeping skills and systems.

It is actually an unfortunate “skill” that I use far too often to prevent myself from getting ahead. In the book Do It Scared by Ruth Soukup there is a whole chapter dedicated to making excuses. The lesson I took away from that chapter is that a good excuse is still just an excuse.

A good excuse is still just an excuse.

how to form habits that stick

Since reading that, I’ve started trying to justify why my excuses don’t actually make sense. Arguing the other side of the coin, so to speak.

How to Reframe Excuses

Excuse: My energy level and back injury make most exercise choices and routines impossible.
Reframe: What CAN I do with my current energy level and back pain?

Excuse: My kids make messes faster than I can clean them up so why bother starting?
Reframe: I don’t need to do it all but what is one thing I can focus on?

Excuse: I can’t pursue my hobbies because my kids, marriage, and home take all my time and energy.
Reframe: I manage to find time to read a bit or scroll through social media and volunteer at church so how can I break down my hobby into 10-15 minute increments and redirect my mind toward it?

As mothers, it is so easy to get caught up in putting out fires all day.

If you are a homeschooling mother or mother of young ones you are also pushing your kids through their routines all day.

Then throw in the perpetual guilt about that laundry pile that you “should” be tackling instead of doing something productive for yourself.

The new year just passed and many people try to set resolutions but, let’s be honest: no one ever follows through on those things, right? Yup. It’s not just you. 80% of resolutions get dropped within the first month.

So instead of focusing on unattainable resolutions, take some time to think of good habits you would like to develop instead. Think about what you would like to change in your life to bring a sense of peace to your home or a feeling of accomplishment.

Then break it down and find just one small habit that would get you one step closer.

Then all that’s left is finding a system to help you keep track of where you’re at.

System Options

Habit Tracker Sticker chart

I am an avid user of sticker charts for my kids. They have boxes and clip art and putting a pretty sticker on the chart is a small reward in itself. I figured if it worked for them then it might work for me too. So, in the past, I made myself a sticker chart. I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy filling in the boxes with stickers. It wasn’t complicated. Just a table in MS Word with stock clip art. But it was colorful and fun to use.

Habit Tracker Scorecard

Lisa Canning, author of The Possibility Mom, talks about the scorecard. I believe she actually borrowed the idea from a different book but she is the one who showed me the template. It looks a bit overwhelming but it can be used digitally or it can be printed out and hung in a place you look everyday. All you do is read it a few times a day and check the box. Not as visually appealing as the sticker chart but it works just as well.

Habit Tracker Phone App

There is always an app for that, isn’t there? I currently use an app called Loop – Habit Tracker, which is only available on Android but I know there are many other good apps as well. I almost always have my phone available and often look at it during the day anyway so I decided to make it my friend instead of my distraction. I do not have any social media on it and have made a whole screen dedicated to habit widgets. (For those who have Apple devices, widgets are the number 1 feature you’re missing out on!) Several times a day I flip to this screen to see which boxes I have yet to check. I color coded to make it more visually appealing and use it just like I did my sticker chart or score card. There are many fancier apps out there but making it simple to see the habit and progress is a key factor in a habit tracking system. It is either checked or not checked and refreshes every day.

 

No matter which system you use, don’t get too caught up in “streaks” of good days. While this can be exciting, you’re going to have a bad streak at some point and don’t want the discouragement to throw you off. Every day is a fresh start and a new opportunity to to check your boxes.

Focus one one day at a time. Put one foot in front of the other. Choose one small habit to move you forward. You don’t need to start with overwhelming goals in which you don’t control the results. Focus instead on what you can do: just do the next right thing.

If you’ve always wondered how you can form habits, the next right step is to print out the free Habit Workbook I designed which will walk you through the habit setting process step by step. It also includes a printable habit tracker to track several habits that you can add to as you get better at changing habits.

Free Habit Tracker and Workbook

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