Newborn Survival Phase: 4 Things Large Family Moms Know

We are expecting our fifth child.

This means we have been through the newborn survival phase 4 times and have chosen to enter it again. 

 

My body goes through nausea, weight gain, and incredible expansion.

Nights are spent nursing and comforting a baby instead of sleeping or cuddling with my husband.

Days are filled with diapers and rocking. 

Newborns throw off any semblance of routine developed for my family. They push self care to the back burner for a time as even something as simple going to the bathroom or taking a shower requires a whole lot of organization and perfect timing. 

 

Everything gets reset to accommodate this new little person and his or her needs. 

I understand that many people don’t want to go through this phase again and the love the “freedom” of closing the door to their baby bearing years. I understand that some babies require so much more care than others and the thought of going through another newborn survival phase sends shivers of dread up your spine. I have been there and understand completely.

 

And yet…

 

My body, just like yours, is designed to bear babies. Our bodies are designed for interrupted sleep. They are designed to blow up and share its nutrients with a growing little being. Our families are designed to have their routines turned upside down to accommodate someone with less capability to adapt than them. 

 

The newborn survival phase is normal.

While a baby is designed to be in this phase temporarily, our bodies are designed to be in it for a few decades. Why would God design women that way without also equipping them and their families to go through it multiple times?

I started reading large family blogs early on in my mothering journey. I figured if anyone has the mothering-homemaking juggle figured out it’s them, right? Now while these women are so humble and would never admit to having it all figured out, there are certain things I’ve picked up on that they DO understand:

 

1. Having kids is normal. People have been doing it since the beginning of time and it doesn’t take a special person to be a mom of many.

 

2. The cyclical nature of the women’s body during child bearing years is normal. It is, rather, abnormal to choose to stop this process within our bodies. (Please note I say this without judgement for whatever choice women make in this regard. I’m speaking specifically from a physical and scientific standpoint here.)

 

3. Every baby is a welcome blessing into the family. The rest of the children pick up on the wonder of a new sibling and often take the opportunity to prove their “biggness” by helping out more, whether that be with sib-care, home care, or just being more empathetic to the fact that mama and baby need a little more patience and TLC. Children in larger families learn to give of themselves out of necessity. 

 

4. The housekeeping will wait. The kids will be fed. Everything does fall into place, albeit not perfectly or immediately. But you do find new rhythms or work back into old ones. The world does not fall apart with a new baby. 

When I was pregnant with our first, I had several moms of 4 or more tell me that the first one rocks your world, the 2nd explodes it, the third feels like you’re truly outnumbered and the 4th just glides into place. Anything above 4 you barely notice. 

 

While I have seen examples close to me that have had fairly different experiences (like the mom of two 2 and under who found herself pregnant with twins, or the mom who discovered a child had special needs only to be expecting another right as they adjust to the diagnosis) but it holds pretty true with the vast majority of people I speak with.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not naive enough to believe this 5th baby will truly slip in unnoticed. I have had 2 high needs babies (one of whom could scream at decibel levels I have never yet heard another child reach). I have friends who had major complications with and after birth, or those who’s precious babies have life altering medical diagnosis. I have even watched several friends suffer the loss of their child. 

But I trust that, in spite of all the variables, God will sustain me through another newborn survival phase and anything that comes from it. I welcome the “reset” so that not only am I humbled again by the awe of a new little creation, but now I have even more children to share in the admiration (and care).