How to Catch Up On Housework When You’re Overwhelmed

How to Catch Up On Housework When You’re Overwhelmed

How to Catch Up On Housework When You’re Overwhelmed

Illness, depression, poor planning, whatever the reason, it if far to easy to get behind on housework. Getting behind is the easy part. But how can we catch up on housework when we’re so overwhelmed that we can’t even manage to start?

Homemaking is not for the faint of heart. It is often a lonely endeavor with very little reward. It is no wonder that we so often become overwhelmed with it. But the formula to overcome overwhelm and catch up on housework is truly simple: know you are not alone, know that God’s grace is sufficient, and just do the next right thing. 

Some days are full of rain. Literary and figuratively. The house is chilly and dark and it feels like the most appropriate response is to ignore the schedule and to do list and cuddle under a fuzzy blanket with a mug of hot cocoa and a good book

So you do.

Then one gloomy day turns into two and, while you feel guilty when you look at the dishes and laundry, it is far to easy to ignore it all. Gloomy day 3 rolls around and it’s already becoming a habit to turn the other way when walking past the laundry.

Don’t misunderstand, the guilt is still there, but we tuck it into our mental storage closet and figure we will deal with it later.

There is no one to motivate or encourage us to do the work and routines in spite of the gloom. The kids certainly aren’t clamoring to do their chores. Our spouses can come home and see the mess but, even if well-intentioned, are often better at adding more guilt to the situation rather than encouraging and motivating us.

The blatant truth: homemaking is not for the faint of heart.

Yet so often we are faint of heart.

Some of the more challenging aspects of homemaking are not stain removal or washing walls (though I must confess I’m pretty terrible at both of those. (Do people regularly wash walls? Is that actually a thing?)

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
Galatians 6:9 NIV

It is no surprise that we become weary of doing this good. Our mental storage closet gets filled with so much guilt from day after day of seeing all the we “should” have done (I despise that word, “should”) and eventually it all tumbles out and we are overwhelmed. I kind of liken it to trying to shove one more dodge ball into the school equipment locker but, when you open the door, all the other balls come tumbling on top of you and knock you onto your butt and they roll all over the place so you can’t grab them let alone try to shove them back into the closet.

So now all the guilt we’ve been trying to ignore is out in the open and we don’t know which piece to pick up to deal with first. There’s the guilt about the floors, the laundry, the bathroom, dishes, meal plans, dusting, fingerprints on walls, grunge in window sills, something stinky in the fridge etc etc etc.

Because we don’t know where to start, we often don’t start. Which we know doesn’t help the situation but it feels like all we can do at that moment is sit in the middle of those guilt balls and accept that there is no solution.

Except there is a solution. Truly. And it isn’t an overwhelming one either. It isn’t one that is just going to add more guilt because you weren’t able to complete the 30 day cleaning challenge someone says will cure you of this problem.

Step 1: You are Not Alone

Let go of the little voice telling you that you’re not good enough. That voice telling you “why can’t you do this? Your mother did it an your friends seem to have figured it out, there must be something wrong with you!” It’s just not true. Your mother (probably) wasn’t a natural housekeeper either. You just don’t remember her learning days or the days she struggled. Your friends experience hard days just like you do. If you don’t believe me, ask them. If they’re honest friends, they’ll admit to their moments of overwhelm too.

Step 2: God’s Grace is Sufficient

Remember that God put you in this home, in this family, in this role. He didn’t make a mistake. That was intentional. There is no one on earth who is more right for this than you. That doesn’t mean it isn’t challenging or that you’re going to be perfect at it. God doesn’t choose perfect people to work with. Nope. He chooses the imperfect, the overwhelmed, the lost, and the sinner. He doesn’t expect you to do this perfectly. He expects you to rely on Him.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV

Cry out to Him in the midst of the overwhelm and be reminded that He never expected you to do it all alone. He wanted you to move forward in His power.

“Oh Lord, I can’t do this. I am broken and overwhelmed and don’t know where to start. I tried to do it all myself but I can’t. I’m sorry for thinking I needed to do this alone. Help me stand up and show me where to start. Give me the strength to do just one small thing.”

Step 3: Just do the next right thing

Then do one small thing. Maybe that one small thing is to switch over laundry (or run the washer again if the load has gotten that musty smell). Maybe it is to make your bed. Maybe you want to just fill the dishwasher. A small task, no more than 5 minutes. Then count yourself successful. You did it! You deflated one of those balls of guilt.

If you want to keep going then go ahead. But if that’s all you can do right now, congratulations! You’ve taken the first step toward freedom.

Moms of littles: What about how to catch up on housework when your hands are continually full of a baby?

I hear ya Mama! Babywearing is often the only way I get things done these days. So, after I have nursed her, I’ll put my baby on my back (after 5 kids I’ve learned that a soft structured carrier like this one is the easiest thing for back carries!) and get it done. So, with my baby on my back, I’ll scrub my crockpot. If I’m up to it maybe I’ll switch over the laundry too. And because she is on my back and wants me to keep moving, I may force myself to find other small tasks that I can do to keep her content. I won’t catch up on housework today but I’ll be one step closer. 

So let me know in the comments, what is your next right thing?

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Easy Meal Plan: How Spaghetti Saves my Sanity

I hate to cook.

 

Well, hate may be a bit strong….. or not. I truly don’t enjoy cooking. I try to like it, really I do! I don’t mind baking (perhaps because the end result is so much tastier!) but I don’t enjoy cooking dinner every night. Now that poses a problem because my husband works in the barn all day it wouldn’t be fair for him to make dinner every night and, in spite of the fact that I am very good at budgeting, we cannot afford a cook. So I suck it up and head to the kitchen every day between 5pm and 6pm to work through my super easy meal plan.
Most mothers will be able to relate when I say that, on a nearly daily basis, someone flicks the  “Crazy Switch” at my house at about 5pm. My kids seem to need a full-time mom (read “referee”) at this point which leave me very little time (read “sanity”) to be a good little Suzy Homemaker and have dinner on the table by the time Papa Bear gets in from work.


I am so blessed that my husband understands this and has no expectation of dinner on the table at 6pm every night. He’s just happy if there is enough food in the house for him to be able to eat at some point in the evening!

 

 

So to prepare myself for all of this, I meal plan. Sort of. I read a really amazing book (Sidetracked Home Executives) that helped me set up a simple quasi-meal plan. It works perfectly for my scatterbrained self. Here is the jist of it:

 

Pick a “theme” for the meal for every day then just build your meals around that. That way you can look at the day of the week and know instinctively that it is taco Tuesday or fish stick Friday and half of your meal is already planned.

Here’s how I worked my plan and some of the ways I made it work for my schedule (I grab the meat out of the freezer during our morning High 5 time so it is mostly thawed by supper.)

Mondays: 

This is my heavy housekeeping day and our day to begin pushing our daily rhythm again after a more relaxed weekend so I don’t usually feel like making a fancy meal (well, I never really feel like it but Mondays especially) so I make spaghetti every week.  It is simple and relatively healthy. Ground beef (scramble-fried and strained), spaghetti sauce, and whole wheat noodles. If I’m feeling really energetic, I chop up some carrots or zucchini to throw into it or sometimes even corn. Peas would taste good too. I’m not allowed to do peas. My hubby despises peas. To make Mondays even easier, last year I taught my 11yo to make this so he is often on dinner duty on Monday evenings.

Tuesdays:

I did all the housework yesterday (yeah right! At least I attempted to) so learning cards and daily rhythm go a little smoother than Mondays. This is pork chop night. Just seasoning salt or I put some premade pork rub seasoning on them and throw them in the oven on my baking stone. Add a simple salad and some steamed rice. (I always make rice in my rice cooker. Way easier than on the stove or in the microwave!) Sometimes I switch it up and put a pork loin in the crock pot with the pork rub. But pork, salad, and rice. My 8yo wanted to learn how to cook a meal to so he is working on perfect this. The chops are easy peasy but can I just say that salad is way yummier when someone else chops the lettuce?

Wednesday:

This is not usually a learning card day so I plan for a morning of margin. Once a month my older boys have a community class so I plan this morning to do errands with the younger 3. We also try to plan any play dates on this day. By the time we are home I want something brainless and quick. This is ground beef night. So simple meatballs (1lb ground beef, 1/4 cup chia seeds, sprinkling of seasoning salt, throw poorly shaped blobs onto baking stone at 375 until they’re done) with boiled potatoes and steamed veggie (with grated cheese), or burritos (scramblefry ground beef with some taco seasoning and grated carrot and/or bell pepper, put in a wrap with lettuce, cheese, cucumber and ranch dressing).
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Thursdays: 

I’m in the office this morning so Adam is on Daddy duty and either helps the kids move through their learning cards or takes them to the shop to help fix or do maintenance on farm equipment. This is chicken night. This is one of my favorite nights. Usually just Italian chicken. (Frozen chicken breasts, sliced potatoes and frozen beans. Drizzle with melted butter and Italian seasoning. Cover and pop in the oven at 375 for an hourish.) When the kids get bored of that, I’ll make some chicken Parmesan in the crock pot (frozen chicken, jar of pasta sauce, a cup or so of Parmesan cheese on low for 5-6 hours) with steamed rice. Sometimes I throw in a salad but other times I figure the tomatoes in the sauce counts as a vegetable. 

Fridays:

Frozen dinner night. WOOT! Or hubby cooks, or we do leftovers. Pizza, premade meals (LOVE The Big Cook). Every Mama needs a weekly night out (of the kitchen).

Saturdays:

Usually a blitz clean of the house with hubby’s help. Somehow he manages to make the kids excited about helping out. Perhaps it is the reward of Minecraft time with Dad afterwards. Every once in a while we throw in a trip to the city. This is either leftovers or frozen fish sticks with rice and steamed veggies (with grated cheese on top of course. Cheese makes everything better).

 

Sundays:

French toast casserole, roast or take out. Often my husband wants to have a bigger meal for lunch after church so he helps cook or prep before church. If we have fresh buns then we may make sloppy joes. 

If any of these nights I feel like trying something new or have energy to work in the kitchen a bit longer, I’ll stick with the theme but give myself flexibility on exactly what I make. For example, some Wednesdays I make homemade honey garlic sauce for the meatballs. I usually make enough for 3-4 meals and freeze some because it is a family favorite but a more involved process. Or on chicken night I may make fettuccine alfredo sauce (from a bag) and mix the sauce and chopped chicken with pasta and steamed veggies. These things require more hands on time and result in more dishes so they are a special treat.

So there you have it. My super easy meal plan that allows me to be creative if I feel like it or means I don’t have to think about dinner when I don’t want to. If I didn’t cook spaghetti every week I would go crazy. Maybe one day Adam will be able to take over the cooking (he actually enjoys it! He’s a keeper!) but for now I keep things simple and predictable. Supper time is much easier if a plan is in place. Plus it helps you plan your grocery list too!

 

If you meal plan, how do you do it? Are you a month at a time kind of planner or week by week?
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I chatted with a mom of 8 recently and told her she must be a bit crazy to have that many kids. She laughed and pointed out that I have 5 children. Yep. That sounds a little crazy too! Some people think that moms of large families must be super human to be able to keep up with everyone but one of the most popular questions I research is how to do it all as a mom without getting burnt out? 

I was reading some journal entries I wrote 3 years ago. Many of them are about how I was trying to juggle writing (which I never did get off the ground at that time), mothering, homeschooling, farming, and being a wife. I wanted to serve God but I was distractible. Exhausted. Unfocused. I felt like I was fighting an uphill battle. Some of my entries even stop mid-sentence, a sign that I had to tend to a child and never sat back down to finish.

Since then, I’ve added on another baby, more necessary self care and health habits, being chair of the worship committee at church, visiting friends more regularly, and blogging. Because every mom needs more stuff to do, right?

While researching the answer to how a mom can do it all, I’ve realized that, right now, my home is relatively kept up and I live a pretty peaceful life. So I guess that kind of means I’ve been doing pretty good in that department lately.

What would I say if someone asked me how to do it all as a mom and not live in a state of overwhelm?

Overwhelm is, most often, a mindset. If you think about all the things you have to do, you’ll be face down on the floor. It really helps to break it down into smaller pieces.

– Jen Sincero

Well, the truth is this: Imperfectly.

I do get burnt out sometimes. I do suffer from “overwhelmed mom syndrome” from time to time. And I do drop the balls I’m so carefully trying to juggle. I see other moms who do it all so much more gracefully than I do. Or at least, that’s what it looks like. But I know that they have their hard days and hard seasons, just like I do.

I want to share with you some of the reasons why I believe I’m way more able to find more balance as a mom than I did a few years ago.

I will add the caveat that 3 years ago I began suffering from post traumatic stress disorder which led to panic attacks and anxiety. (If you would like to read more about that, you can read here about How I Deal with Anxiety) I have also battled depression since I was a teenager. So the added quirks of those disorders definitely play into how I quickly I have the potential to reach that state of burnout or overwhelm and also how careful I have to be to find systems that work to avoid the worst of those situations.

Avoid Overwhelm With Routines

I have a written plan and routines that I’ve slowly built up over time. I have talked before about how I’ve tried to work at our High 5 morning routine for many years. It still isn’t perfect but we are still working on it. The kids know what is expected so they may resist regularly but they know the routine backwards and forwards at this point. And the older boys are truly enjoying taking the toddler under their wings to teach him how to do High 5s. They’re excited for him to get his very own sticker chart in a few months.

I also have a pretty regular personal morning routine. It is interrupted regularly but I give myself a couple hours to do about 20 minutes of Bible reading and my Praise and Prayer journal. I also still use a lot of tips from Mystie Winkler at Simply Convivial and the book Getting Things Done when it comes to my task lists. I go through my habit tracker and habit workbook and reevaluate regularly to make sure I’m prioritizing the right habits.

We may not be perfect in execution of all of our routines but at least we know what needs to be done.

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Prioritize Self Care

I continue to prioritize self care. If you are interested in more particulars, you can read my self care series about the routines and habits I use to keep depression at bay. Having a baby and then hitting winter does a number on my fatigue and hormone levels, as well as my ability to get out of the house to socialize. (Going out in -40° with a baby is often not worth the hassle.) It basically leaves me very vulnerable to sinking into depression. So that’s when I go back to the beginning of my self care routine of Bible reading and my Praise & Prayer journal.

And sleep. Besides making sure I’m plugging into God’s word regularly, sleep is the biggest factor of self care. I stick to my bedtime like a champ (I have an alarm on my phone to remind me) to make sure I spend enough time laying in bed that I’m not always exhausted, even though I have been waking up multiple times a night with little ones since my eldest was born 12 years ago.

Friendships

I am so very blessed with friends who are willing to drive out to see me. Before we moved to this community 7 years ago, we lived in the country near a more metropolitan area. Many people there thought coming to my place in the country was too far so I had to continually load up and go into town. (I did have a couple friends who recognized that the road was the same distance both ways and they are still big parts of my heart, in spite of moving away.) My natural inclination is to hibernate during winter months because I don’t do well in the cold (I can never manage to warm up) and, after a severe back injury years ago that I still deal with, I’m terrified of slipping on the ice. But my friends come visit me and drag me out invite me over for visits. Even as an introvert, regular socialization is a necessity.

Focused Time For Each Role

I read somewhere a while back (wish I could remember the source!) that maybe life isn’t about finding balancing and keeping all the balls in the air. Maybe it is about knowing where the balls you dropped land so you can pick them up again.

There are times that I dedicate to my kids and completely ignore the online world. There are times when I ignore my housework to focus on pushing some things forward on my blog. Or I pause anything remotely homeschooling or kid interaction focused so I can get my laundry folded and floors mopped. (Sidenote: usually the kids help with this but sometimes Mama just wants to burn through some of it so I send them out of the room.)

Recognize and Accept That I Can’t Do It Alone

This was a massive gamechanger. I have always been an advocate of “it takes a village to raise a child” but always put that idea toward the fact that our children need other adult role models. So when my father wants to teach one of the boys how a cow’s digestive system work or take a couple boys to town to pick up parts then I’m all for it.

I also know the importance of us fellow moms supporting and encouraging each other. So much so that I have a whole blog dedicated to that very purpose!

But I am forever grateful that God led me to release the guilt I have about thinking I need to run my entire household and business by myself.

It’s okay to ask someone to watch your children while you nap or go out. It’s okay to ask for help with cleaning and organizing. It’s okay to not cook every meal from scratch. It’s okay to have someone else teach your child a skill. There are so many affordable and out of the box ways to get help. You just need to release the guilt of thinking that, just because you chose to have your kids or because you stay at home with them or because you homeschool them that you are the only one responsible for every single thing.

 

If you are like me and wondering how a mom can do it all, take some time to evaluate the stress points in your life and make a plan to start easing out of those ruts. Get really persistent about your routines, prioritize self care, form enriching friendships, be present in whatever role you are filling in the moment, and find ways to ask for help. 

If you want some guidance, be sure to check out my free habit tracker work book by dropping your email address in the box below. It can walk you through how to choose productive habits as well as help you stay motivated and track them.

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Homemaking 101: Motivation For When You’re Not a Good Homemaker

Homemaking 101: Motivation For When You’re Not a Good Homemaker

Homemaking 101: Motivation For When You’re Not a Good Homemaker

So often we tell ourselves we are not a good homemaker. It is so easy to look around your home and see the piles of laundry, dishes, papers, and toys scattered around. Hear me when I say that your home is not meant to be clean all the time. You live here. Your family lives here. It is going to be in some state of disarray 99% of the time. That’s normal. It is also normal to feel like you must be doing something wrong if you can’t keep up. Which leads to the false belief that you are just not a good homemaker.

motivation and resources when you're not a good homemaker

Did you notice I said it is a false belief?

The truth is that it isn’t too difficult to wipe the table. Or wash a pot. Or even fold a shirt. Break it down to the nuts and bolts and homemaking is a bunch of simple motions repeated over and over. (and over and over and over…)

Here is where the mind shift comes in: You are a good homemaker. Say it out loud a couple of times to get a feel for that truth. Your inner voice is probably snickering right now. Mocking you a bit. Denying yourself of that truth. Tell that voice to stuff it. Because you know how to wipe crumbs off the table. Even my 5 year old knows how to wipe the table. (So does my 2 year old, though I’m not sure licking up crumbs while sliding around the table on his tummy is an efficient or sanitary method we should be copying.) And stain removal…. I truly believe this is something that this is the one homemaking task that takes super powers.

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking up complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.”
Mark Twain

(Insert some Jeopardy music here)
…….
……
…..
Now that my train of thought was completely interrupted by my children who are sad that our internet is down so the can’t play their math game, let me try to finish writing this post.

The truth: you are a good homemaker. Another truth: it is extremely difficult for many people to do the proper sequence of those simple tasks frequently enough to prevent their home from looking like a bomb farted in it. l recently met a lovely mama who is expecting her third baby. She bemoaned the fact that she is having such a hard time with the infamous disorder that most of us have lovingly dubbed, “baby brain.” The disorder that prevents you from keeping nearly any thought in your mind for more than 3 seconds before it flies out into the wind. I have heard that baby brain can afflict a mama as long as she is pregnant and/or breastfeeding. So I’ve been struggling with it for over 12 years straight.

The solution: write it down.

It sounds overly simple but it works. You will no longer have to expend energy or mental power on keeping that thought in your mind, which frees you up from thinking about what to do so you can actually go do it. If it a bigger project (that involved more than one 10 minute task), take some time to break it down into bite-sized tasks keeps things from getting overwhelming.

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You have a couple of options: make yourself a to do list of each of those simple tasks that you must do to keep up on your home keeping maintenance or find a premade list and make it work for you. Get one list, one notebook, or one app to write it all down in. Don’t worry that it isn’t perfect. Just pick one and start. 

Some of my favorite resources for simple and doable homemaking routines:

(I have included some affiliate links here and, as an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. Feel free to read my full disclosure.)

High 5 Chart: I’ve talked about this simple morning routine on my blog a number of times and even offer a free printable to get you started. You can get the free download by filling in the form below.

How to Manage Your Home Without Losing Your Mind: Dana White is a self-proclaimed slob and describes her journey to deslobification. 

Sidetracked Home Executives: From Pigpen to Paradise: This book walks you through each room of your house to help you create a system that covers off not only keeping your house deep cleaned but you can also add in personal routine items (like bathing the kids, shaving your legs, or booking dentist appointments). It’s a lot of work to get the system set up but, once it’s up and running, it’s so simple to maintain. Because it uses index cards for each task, it’s also really easy to delegate to family members. I still use a modified version of this, though I’ve gone from my index card box to tracking things in my Todoist app on my phone.

Creative Home Keeper: Some excellent reading on Victoria’s blog about setting homemaking routines and keeping a clean home. She also has a great free printables section on her website that includes daily and weekly checklists as well as worksheets to help you walk through your own homemaking goals.

Fly Lady:  My understanding is this website was inspired by the book Sidetracked Home Executives. Being perfectly honest, this is one tool that did NOT work for me. Though their system is great and their steps are so easy to follow and truly deliver good results in your home, the amount of emails completely overwhelmed me and I started ignoring them. I much prefer a system that I can control. But if you’re not one who wants to set up your own system and need more guidance and reminders for what you should do each day, this could be an amazing fit for you! Don’t let the dated look of the website scare you. The steps to follow can be a huge help!

Simply Convivial: Mystie wrote the book on how to get things done as a homemaker. Literally. I have it and I’ve read it several times and it inspired me to purchase David Allen’s Getting Things Done ebook earlier this year. (I don’t believe she sells the book anymore but it is really just a summary of her GTD for homemakers blog series.) She also has courses in her membership section, that I have not taken but I imagine the quality is just as good as the rest of her content.

Your home is not meant to perfect all the time but that doesn’t mean you’re not a good homemaker. What makes a good homemaker is someone who doesn’t give up. Keep taking that one next step forward. So grab a notebook or print off some simple routines, like the High 5 routine above, and remind yourself that you’re perfectly capable of doing every single one of those tasks. Then just do the first one. 

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    I may scare a few people off my confessing this but I’ll confess anyway: I don’t keep a clean house. It isn’t a goal I’m heading toward. In fact, having a perfectly clean house is not even on my radar. What? Isn’t that everyone’s goal? Isn’t that the role of a homemaker? The answer comes in the form of a big, fat, NO!

    organization and homemaking is hard but you don't actually have to keep your entire house clean

    You’ll never be satisfied if you try to keep your entire home clean. It’s just not going to happen because you live here! Instead, focus on getting one area clean at a time. Some areas can be clean once per week (or month or year) and some areas can have a clean moment daily. My kitchen table is an area that I try to clean once a day. Sometimes it’s first thing in the morning and then the kids do puzzles or drive cars on it. Sometimes it’s right before supper so I can set the table for supper. Sometimes we eat at a table with last night’s rice still on it and I clean it after the kids have gone to bed. It is clean for probably 15 minutes per day maximum. But I’m okay with that.

    You’ll never be satisfied if you try to keep your entire home clean. It’s just not going to happen because you live here! Instead, focus on getting one area clean at a time.

    organization and homemaking is hard but you don't actually have to keep your entire house clean

    I try to clean my floors once per week. I don’t have a very big house and we don’t have a lot of toys so, if everyone (read: my husband, who pumps up the boys to help out) chips in, it only take about 15-30 minutes to tidy the floors enough so I can sweep. Sometimes I mop. And then the kids run in and out of the house with dirty feet. The next day the toys and sand are all over the floor again.

    My sink has a dish brush, coffee grounds, and a few dishes in it. I try to clean it once per day but we use our sink. It is pretty much never empty because, as soon as I do clean it, it’s snack time and strawberry and banana covered knives and plates get put in there. Or my husband makes coffee and rinses out the reusable coffee filter. Or I find a cup of yesterday’s leftover milk to dump in there.

    The goal is not to keep your home clean. The goal is to GET it that way. And then move on. Let it go. Know that it will be messy and dirty again. And that’s okay. So give yourself grace. Pick your area to focus on that can be cleaned right now. And accept that you are cleaning it up simply to be a clean canvas for your life. A clean slate for new creativity. Whether it be for supper, race tracks, or morning coffee. That’s just life. And life is messy and dirty.

    If you really struggle, start with one focus area for 5-10 minutes a day and build up a habit to keep that one area under control. Do you want some guidance in how to choose habits and keep motivation going to actually create them? Check out my free printable Habit Tracker Workbook which will walk you through setting habits for various areas of your life as well as guide you to stay motivated. 

    Comment below to let me know what one area you can stay focused on or how you’re planning to let go a bit and breath easier. 

     

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