Dealing with Worries as a Mother

Dealing with Worries as a Mother

Dealing with Worries as a Mother

Fevers and illness, daring activities that lead to injuries, potential kidnappings, government interference… there are so many things that we worry about as mothers. It’s so easy to spiral down into those worries and start to panic.

Dealing with most worries of a mother can be as simple as making a worst case plan and then releasing it to God. 

Deal With Worries of a Mother by Making a Plan

I am an INTJ, according to Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator.  One of the nicknames for this type is “Visionary” or “Mastermind”. This means that I spend a lot of time looking toward and planning for the future. I have done this I was very young and, as a kid, never knew it was unusual to have a fully laid out life plan, complete with a variety of options and contingencies.


I’m talking about an 8 year old knowing what she wanted to be doing 40 years down the road and mapping out a plan to get there.


Keeping this “future oriented” personality quirk in mind, it may come as no surprise that my typical response to worries is that I make a plan to deal with a variety of possible issues.


I like to plan out the alternative paths the particular concern could take and my potential responses to it. Usually that helps bring me some peace about the situation and puts things into perspective to remind myself that it isn’t the end of the world and that, no matter what, we’ll make it through to the other side (even if the interim is unpleasant, to say the least).


Having a plan to deal with the potential worst case scenarios helps me to imagine myself coming through the other end of the situation. It shows me that something may knock me down right now but I am capable of overcoming it.

As much as we love our children, God loves them more.

Conquor Worries as a Mother by Giving Your Children to God

After plotting out all my potential conclusions, I remind myself that my kids are not my own. They belong body and soul to God the Creator. And as much as I love my children, God loves them more. I give them, and all of my worries surrounding them, back to Him and to His master plan for them.

It is not easy, I’m certainly not going to say that. I have seens friends go through heartbreaking times and have had a few heartbreaking moments myself. But moments like that are a good reminder that we aren’t in control.

Which can be scary because we are often taught that controlling all the outcomes is the ultimate measure of success. But, if you really analyze it, giving up the unrealistic need for control is actually a good thing.

You and I don’t know everything that is happening or how everything in this world intertwines to affect each other. It’s a good thing that God does. All knowing and all powerful. It doesn’t mean that things will always make sense to us. It just means that we can trust that He really does know best and have our ultimate best interests at heart.
Worrying is a sin. It shows that we lack trust in God’s power and love.

I read a great quote a while back: “We just think we are in the land of the living and that we are going to die, but when we believe in God the opposite is true. We’re in the land of the dying and because of Jesus we’re going to the land of the living. The land where there is no more pain, no more tears, and where we’ll be with Christ for eternity.” (The Kissing Bridge by Tricia Goyer)

As Christians, we can find comfort in the fact that this isn’t our world. It’s easier said than done, especially when our worries seem very big and legitimate, but it’s the plain and simple truth.

Don’t Let Worry for Your Children Consume You

We act like worrying is a natural part of mothering but worrying is a sin. It shows a lack of trust in God’s love for us and His ultimate power over this world.

I need to give my kids back to God every morning and every evening.

I had been daily giving my pregnancy and my birth plans to God. A few weeks ago I had a scary incident that resulted in an ambulance ride (for myself, at 35 weeks pregnant) and a couple nights in the hospital. With no answers as to what happened, that’s one I give to God anytime it crosses my mind. I have some chronic health problems that made me worried I wouldn’t be able to hold my baby properly to nurse and cuddle when he arrived (which was 4 days ago, St Patrick’s Day, by the way. Stay tuned as I plan to share his birth story in the next month). So many things I could dwell on!

So today, and every day, give your worries to God and trust that He’s got this. I know it’s easier said than done and this is a sin that many of us struggle with on a regular basis.’m learning to trust Him more every day and I truly believe you can as well.

What worries have you been holding on to lately? Feel free to share them in the comments so we can pray for you. Or just say a prayer right now to give them to God. And give it back to Him every time you find yourself spiraling. Regular prayer time is critical to our walk as Christian mothers.

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4 Tips for How to Enjoy Your Children More

4 Tips for How to Enjoy Your Children More

4 Tips for How to Enjoy Your Children More

Not every aspect of motherhood is enjoyable but it shouldn’t all be difficult and overwhelming either. Unfortunately, it can quickly become that way so I wanted to find out, how can I enjoy my children more?

Being a mom is no joke and takes a lot out of a person. But there is no reason why we shouldn’t enjoy ourselves too. The best way to enjoy motherhood is by learning to enjoy our children. We can get into their world or invite them into ours. We can also just observe them playing or we can take specific moments to pray over them. All of these won’t take away the work of motherhood but it will certainly help us to enjoy our children more.
4 tips for how to enjoy your children more. Because not every day is butterflies and roses

Baby yawns are adorable. I remember spending hours watching them sleep. And hiccup. And sneeze. Even pooping was entertaining! It is so easy to enjoy your children when they’re fresh and soft and adorable.

Now they are older and those once-nibblicious toes have toenails that need to be trimmed, attached to dirty, stinky feet that have been run hard all day. Reminders to wash his hands after he “drops a bomb” in the bathroom (my husband’s words) are met with a smell I never thought I would associate with that adorable tushie. And those mid-day nap times of blissful baby-gazing have been replaced by preparing healthy snacks that cover as many food groups as possible yet are simple, and fun, enough that they aren’t rejected.
Mothering is an amazing gift, yet it is so easy to get lost in the day-to-day details. It is so easy to forget how to enjoy your children. Our children are a heritage from the Lord but they can sometimes (often?) feel like a burden. I’ve mentioned before about how the basics of motherhood is to develop a positive attitude and to call on the Lord for the strength to continue forward. But how do you get back to a place where you can truly say you enjoy your role as a mother?
It isn’t always easy to enjoy every moment. And I’m not saying you need to (does anyone actually enjoy wiping snotty noses?). It is, however, possible to enjoy them more.

Mothering is an amazing gift, yet it is so easy to get lost in the day-to-day details. It is so easy to forget how to enjoy your children. Our children are a heritage from the Lord but they can sometimes (often?) feel like a burden.

1. Get into their world

Find out what they enjoy and join them in it. Does your child enjoy painting? Paint with him instead of setting him up to do it on his own. What about stories? Make it a goal to read at least one story of their choice out loud every day (and don’t complain if it’s always the same one). What about physical activity? Go for a walk together or kick a ball around.

2. Allow them into your world and hobbies

Bring them into the kitchen when you are baking or cooking dinner, even if it does take longer and make more of a mess. Let them wash dishes, sweep floors, vacuum, or fold laundry. Ask for their ideas when you are writing. Teach them to scrapbook or crochet or play piano or take photographs.

3. Observe

Sometimes all it takes is a pig puppet and a handful of craft sticks to get kids giggling. Or a couple of sleeping bags to scootch around the floor in while pretending to be snakes. Give yourself permission to laugh with them. Enjoy their antics and imaginations. Their silly jokes and games. Kids laugh so much easier than adults. Harness their joy and appreciate them in a whole new way.

4. Pray over them as they sleep

Soak in their innocence and fall in love all over again.
Our children deserve the best of us but we also have the privilege of enjoying the best of them. This week I’m going to bring my kids more into my world. They love to help in the kitchen so I’m committing to allowing them to help with dinner preparations.
Which of these ideas are you going to pursue over this next week?
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How to Catch Up On Housework When You’re Overwhelmed

How to Catch Up On Housework When You’re Overwhelmed

How to Catch Up On Housework When You’re Overwhelmed

Illness, depression, poor planning, whatever the reason, it if far to easy to get behind on housework. Getting behind is the easy part. But how can we catch up on housework when we’re so overwhelmed that we can’t even manage to start?

Homemaking is not for the faint of heart. It is often a lonely endeavor with very little reward. It is no wonder that we so often become overwhelmed with it. But the formula to overcome overwhelm and catch up on housework is truly simple: know you are not alone, know that God’s grace is sufficient, and just do the next right thing. 

Some days are full of rain. Literary and figuratively. The house is chilly and dark and it feels like the most appropriate response is to ignore the schedule and to do list and cuddle under a fuzzy blanket with a mug of hot cocoa and a good book

So you do.

Then one gloomy day turns into two and, while you feel guilty when you look at the dishes and laundry, it is far to easy to ignore it all. Gloomy day 3 rolls around and it’s already becoming a habit to turn the other way when walking past the laundry.

Don’t misunderstand, the guilt is still there, but we tuck it into our mental storage closet and figure we will deal with it later.

There is no one to motivate or encourage us to do the work and routines in spite of the gloom. The kids certainly aren’t clamoring to do their chores. Our spouses can come home and see the mess but, even if well-intentioned, are often better at adding more guilt to the situation rather than encouraging and motivating us.

The blatant truth: homemaking is not for the faint of heart.

Yet so often we are faint of heart.

Some of the more challenging aspects of homemaking are not stain removal or washing walls (though I must confess I’m pretty terrible at both of those. (Do people regularly wash walls? Is that actually a thing?)

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
Galatians 6:9 NIV

It is no surprise that we become weary of doing this good. Our mental storage closet gets filled with so much guilt from day after day of seeing all the we “should” have done (I despise that word, “should”) and eventually it all tumbles out and we are overwhelmed. I kind of liken it to trying to shove one more dodge ball into the school equipment locker but, when you open the door, all the other balls come tumbling on top of you and knock you onto your butt and they roll all over the place so you can’t grab them let alone try to shove them back into the closet.

So now all the guilt we’ve been trying to ignore is out in the open and we don’t know which piece to pick up to deal with first. There’s the guilt about the floors, the laundry, the bathroom, dishes, meal plans, dusting, fingerprints on walls, grunge in window sills, something stinky in the fridge etc etc etc.

Because we don’t know where to start, we often don’t start. Which we know doesn’t help the situation but it feels like all we can do at that moment is sit in the middle of those guilt balls and accept that there is no solution.

Except there is a solution. Truly. And it isn’t an overwhelming one either. It isn’t one that is just going to add more guilt because you weren’t able to complete the 30 day cleaning challenge someone says will cure you of this problem.

Step 1: You are Not Alone

Let go of the little voice telling you that you’re not good enough. That voice telling you “why can’t you do this? Your mother did it an your friends seem to have figured it out, there must be something wrong with you!” It’s just not true. Your mother (probably) wasn’t a natural housekeeper either. You just don’t remember her learning days or the days she struggled. Your friends experience hard days just like you do. If you don’t believe me, ask them. If they’re honest friends, they’ll admit to their moments of overwhelm too.

Step 2: God’s Grace is Sufficient

Remember that God put you in this home, in this family, in this role. He didn’t make a mistake. That was intentional. There is no one on earth who is more right for this than you. That doesn’t mean it isn’t challenging or that you’re going to be perfect at it. God doesn’t choose perfect people to work with. Nope. He chooses the imperfect, the overwhelmed, the lost, and the sinner. He doesn’t expect you to do this perfectly. He expects you to rely on Him.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV

Cry out to Him in the midst of the overwhelm and be reminded that He never expected you to do it all alone. He wanted you to move forward in His power.

“Oh Lord, I can’t do this. I am broken and overwhelmed and don’t know where to start. I tried to do it all myself but I can’t. I’m sorry for thinking I needed to do this alone. Help me stand up and show me where to start. Give me the strength to do just one small thing.”

Step 3: Just do the next right thing

Then do one small thing. Maybe that one small thing is to switch over laundry (or run the washer again if the load has gotten that musty smell). Maybe it is to make your bed. Maybe you want to just fill the dishwasher. A small task, no more than 5 minutes. Then count yourself successful. You did it! You deflated one of those balls of guilt.

If you want to keep going then go ahead. But if that’s all you can do right now, congratulations! You’ve taken the first step toward freedom.

Moms of littles: What about how to catch up on housework when your hands are continually full of a baby?

I hear ya Mama! Babywearing is often the only way I get things done these days. So, after I have nursed her, I’ll put my baby on my back (after 5 kids I’ve learned that a soft structured carrier like this one is the easiest thing for back carries!) and get it done. So, with my baby on my back, I’ll scrub my crockpot. If I’m up to it maybe I’ll switch over the laundry too. And because she is on my back and wants me to keep moving, I may force myself to find other small tasks that I can do to keep her content. I won’t catch up on housework today but I’ll be one step closer. 

So let me know in the comments, what is your next right thing?

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6 Tips for Surviving When You Feel Like You’re Drowning in Motherhood

6 Tips for Surviving When You Feel Like You’re Drowning in Motherhood

6 Tips for Surviving When You Feel Like You’re Drowning in Motherhood

Exhausted, brain not thinking clearly, no time or energy to do much of anything so you’re overwhelmed and behind. Parenting is sometimes like that, isnt it? Sometimes it is because of a round of sickness, sometimes it is a season of busyness, maybe it is cabin fever after a bout of bad weather. For me right now it is a newborn.
Those on my email newsletter or who follow me on Twitter may have read my announcement that our fourth son entered the world just over a week ago. As I type this out, he is sleeping in my arms as I sit on my couch. Other than getting up to change a diaper or get a cup of milk for the 3 year old, I have been doing next to nothing since he was born. By noon my brain has turned to mush and having a complete intelligent thought is nearly impossible. (I don’t think I was ever this bad with the others!)  I felt like I was in a similar position after a round of a stomach virus hit us last winter.

By noon my brain has turned to mush and having a complete intelligent thought is nearly impossible.

Here are some tips for surviving when you feel like you’re drowning in motherhood:

Stay hydrated

We all know the benefit of drinking enough water yet many of us still have a hard time doing it. Find ways to make it easier on yourself. Set a timer to remind yourself to have a cup every couple of hours, have a big cup first thing in the morning with breakfast and have your regular coffee afterwards, use mason jars or water bottles and commit to when you want to finish them, remember you don’t have to drink just water. (I have fallen in love with the Takeya ThermoFlask Insulated Stainless Steel Water Bottle. We found it at Costco a few weeks ago and it is everything the description says it is. My husband fills his with ice water every evening when he games and he was totally surprised and impressed when he filled it for the second evening and there was still ice in it from the night before! I try to drink 2 of the 40oz bottles each day, in addition to a coffee, milk, and sometimes tea. Sometimes I throw a lemon wedge in there too.

Sleep

Go to bed early. Nap. It is critical to health and sanity and we all know it. Yet so many moms refuse to do it. I understand you want to have some kid free quiet time in the evening but you’ll find that it doesn’t compare to the sanity gained by an adequate amount of sleep. Napping gets a bit tricky when kids get older and no longer nap but lock the doors, throw on a show or pull out the playdough, and doze on the couch, within earshot. (One of my most popular posts has some more tips on how to survive on interrupted sleep.) Even 20 min of resting your body and mind can be very rejuvenating. My current bedtime is around 9:30pm. Sometimes I go to bed earlier but never later. I sacrifice time with my husband (he does bedtime routines for our older 3 at 8pm and comes back downstairs around 8:20 on non gaming nights) but he and I have been through this stage before and know it is only temporary. Even when I am through the exhausting newborn phase, I still rarely go to bed after 10:30 and set an alarm on my cell phone if I find I’m making excuses to stay up later. And the older boys have learned they are to stay in bed until 7am. The 3 year old sometimes wakes up at 6 but he is still in the side-carred crib, next to my husband, so they snuggle until 7am. Teach them how to read a clock young.

Easy Food

Hit up the frozen meals aisle. I normally prefer to cook from scratch (or mostly scratch anyway) but during this season I’m relying on frozen lasagnas, frozen pizza, canned soup, and easy prep foods and snacks like toast, cereal, yogurt, grilled cheese, noodles, precut veggies, and bananas. Even my 3 year old can prepare himself a simple breakfast and my older two can start the oven and pop a meal in. I’ve also been blessed with an amazing church family and friends who have dropped meals for us.

Maintain Peace

Sometimes this means allowing your 3 year old to have a chocolate chip cookie during breakfast. This may mean using technology more than normal. Or using it less, as it goes in my house. Sending kid to separate rooms for a portion of the day when squabbles get heated. Part of my peace comes in the boys clearing all the toys out of the living room before supper. I have barely looked in the playroom but I breathe a little easier when my main room has some semblance of order after they go to bed.

Housekeeping

Ignore the mess. Truly. Yes, you’ll get behind and yes you’ll feel overwhelmed when you are finally able to catch up but you will catch up, step by step. The only one putting pressure on you is you. All you really need is moderately clean dishes (there are no housekeeping police saying you can use breakfast’s toast dishes for lunch’s grilled cheese and a veggies and dip snack) and moderately clean clothes (no housekeeping police here either so wear the same jeans all week and make your kids do the same and don’t worry about folding and putting away for the time being).

Enlist help

More often than not, our spouses are willing to help out. They just aren’t always good at seeing how much we need or what they can do about it. Let him know you feel like you’re drowning and that you need him to rescue you. And give him bite sized and practical solutions. Don’t say the housework is overwhelming, can you clean the house? Tell him the dishes are stressing you out and can he please fill and run the dishwasher. Or the laundry needs to be switched over, or gathered from bedroom floors and tossed in. And be honest with him (and yourself) about what is most important. If the toilet isn’t bothering you, don’t ask him to clean it. If you still have clean clothes, don’t ask him to do laundry. Kids can do the same. They are often more capable than you give them credit for. Be honest with them about the need to come together as a team to keep the household running.

Some seasons of parenting are harder than others.  There is no way around that. But you also don’t have to drown. So take care of yourself, let go of the housework, and focus on relationships and teamwork within your family. I know that I will get through the newborn hazy days, and I know that you will get through the tough seasons too.
Do you have any other tips to get through the tough seasons? I’d love to add them to my list. I’m sure that there will come a time when all 4 of the boys will get sick at the same time and I’m not looking forward to that!
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Help! I Don’t Know How To Play With My Children

Help! I Don’t Know How To Play With My Children

Help! I Don’t Know How To Play With My Children

Lately I’ve been busy caring for my family but I haven’t been focused a lot on enjoying my children. I want to enjoy being a mom but I’m not naturally a “fun mom” and I don’t know how to play with my children.


What I’ve learned is that the most important thing if you don’t know how to play with your children, is to just get down on the floor with them. You need to get used to saying “yes” to them when they ask you to play. You can start by following their lead in play and let them decide what you should do. While playing with your children should be about their fun, if you have a more determined (aka bossy) child, you may even need to learn to say “no” to the way they are playing and show them how they can accommodate others into their play.

One of the most popular topics I have written about is 4 tips for how to enjoy your children more and, of the 4, the one that most mothers I’ve talked to neglect to do, is getting into their world. I’m fully confessing that I am not a “fun mom.” I don’t really do crafts or imaginative play. When I try to play Lego, I usually just end up sorting instead of building.

I don’t even enjoy adult coloring books, which are all the rage right now. As for cutting, gluing and glitter, no thanks!

It is so easy to get distracted. By good things like caring for a baby, keeping your home and family in order, volunteering, keeping up on your self care. But distracted nonetheless. Often we spend so much time doing things for our family that we forget how to just be with our children and enjoy them.

Play is such an important part of a child’s life. As parents, we want to learn to connect with our children and learning how to play with them can fast track our relationship with them.

Getting into the world of our children is such an important way to connect with them. So what do we do if we don’t actually know how to play?

To Play With Your Child You Need to Get On the Floor

Children love when we push matchbox cars around the car mat or build block towers to knock down. We need to appreciate and explore the Lego creations that our kids have made. We can’t do any of that unless we are physically getting down to their level.

This might mean literally sitting on the floor in their play zone. Sometimes just sitting on the floor can be enough to draw your child into play. It might mean picking up a controller and meeting a child in their video game world, even if you aren’t a gamer. It may mean going to the basketball court and standing in the middle of it until they throw you a ball.

In order to play with your child, you actually need to become active in their world. Move from an observer to a participant.

The playing adult steps sideward into another reality; the playing child advances forward to new stages of mastery. – Erik H. Erikson

Say “Yes” When Your Child Asks You to Play

Make a commitment to say “yes” anytime they bring you a storybook (or limit your “yes” time to a certain few hours of the day). Listen intently as your children describe the plots or characters in the books they are reading or shows they are watching. (I used to preread everything but they have more time and my 12yo is a crazy fast reader so I just can’t keep up anymore.) Interact and ask questions to show that you’re paying attention. When you child asks if they can go to the park, go play with them instead of sitting on the bench.

Follow Their Lead When You Don’t Know What to Do

While asking them to play a board game or initiating a crafting time with them is great, you don’t always have to manufacture doing something with them. They often don’t need you to direct them to a game or activity. Sometimes you just need to get into their world and follow their ideas.

If they are already engaged in building a Lego farm, sit down and start building a barn. Or sit beside them on the couch to read over their shoulder and ask a couple questions about what their favorite part of the book is (or this could seriously annoy your child, in which case you may want to pick up the book when they aren’t reading so you can have a conversation about it. Follow their lead!).

Maybe it looks like picking up the xbox controller and help build their latest castle in their Minecraft world, to their specifications of course. (Even if you spend most of the time just trying to figure out how to get the chest of supplies open!) If you’re unsure, ask!

Children are often willing to explain their game and will love the opportunity to lead!
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When to Say “No” When Playing With Your Child

Being willing to play with your child does not mean allowing your child to rule over you. Some children are more …. determined than others and it can be eye-opening to see how this manifests in their play.

I always figure that more determined children can be raised into adults who will conquer the world but play time can be a good time for them to learn to accommodate the needs of others.

In most cases, play will be child-led but you can absolutely suggest a different book if you’ve read “Going on a Bear Hunt” 57,000 times and you need a break! Or if your child is making up all the rules and you’re not allowed any input to the point that it feels like you’re being dictated to rather than played with, you’re allowed to say “no more.”

You’re allowed to offer ideas for the game and you’re allowed to decline games that make you feel uncomfortable or injure you. If our toddler wants to play “jump on Mommy and pull her hair,” you’re welcome to decline and offer a more appropriate game.

If you’re like me and not a “fun mom,” this can feel totally unnatural and, to be honest, can take a specific energy and determination that you need to muster up. It takes practice to build something with Lego rather than sort the bins. But there are no rules saying you can’t ask your child to for ideas so let them offer suggestions or advice.

You don’t actually have to be interested in everything they are interested in. When my eldest shows me yet another kind of tank and tells me about it, he knows I will likely not remember but appreciates my undivided attention. (I think I’m getting better at the tank thing. There’s a Panzer, an Abram, a Leopard, a Tiger I and II and… that’s all I’ve got and please don’t ask me to point them out in a picture. )

I’m sure we’ve all heard that children don’t remember how clean their house was but they do remember if their parents were there for them. I’m not entirely sure that’s true because I can clearly remember my mom vacuuming way more often than I do and she even dusted and ironed!

(Is dusting still a thing that people do?)

But I also remember my dad playing board or card games with us on Sunday afternoon. Or my mom sitting beside my sister and me as we watched Gilmore Girls.

Learning how to play with your kids takes time but it is a skill that you can learn, just as you learned to wash dishes or cook supper. It comes with tremendous benefits of increasing your understanding of your children, which can make mothering them easier. And if you get into their world when they are young, they are more likely to allow you into their world as they get older.

Let me know in the comments, how are you going to play with your kids this week? I’m going to pick up that xbox controller at their game time and try to memorize how to open that chest and move supplies into my inventory so I can build something. Who am I kidding? That’s too many buttons! I’ll probably just ride the Minecart roller coaster around their community and let them give me the grand tour.

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Dealing with Worries as a Mother

Fevers and illness, daring activities that lead to injuries, potential kidnappings, government interference... there...
developing an attitude of gratitude through trials by seeing the Light at the end of the tunnel

Attitude of Gratitude – The Light at the End of the Tunnel

Life is stressful. Things don’t go according to our plans and sometimes it’s hard to see God’s hand in the picture...
encouragement for moms who are overwhelmed and discouraged. we're all broken

Encouragement for Moms Who Are Overwhelmed or Discouraged: We’re All Broken

One of the biggest things I have learned over my years as a mother is that we are two imperfect people raising...

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