I’m about to say something that might ruffle a few feathers, but here it is: paying your kids for chores and using age-specific chore charts don’t work. I know, these are popular methods that many parents swear by, but hear me out: these approaches can actually make life harder for you and your kids. If you’ve tried them but still end up fighting to get your children to do chores, you’re not alone.
Let’s dive into why these methods fall short and what you can do instead to make chores less of a battle and more of a breeze.
Mistake #1: Paying for Chores
First up: paying your kids to do chores. I’ve been there—trying to motivate my kids with “mom-quarters” that they could earn and spend at the mom-market. I even created a whole system where they could shop for little prizes. Sounds fun, right? Well, it worked… for about a week. Then I started finding those paper quarters crumpled up under the couch, and my once-excited kids were over it.
The problem with tying rewards to chores is that it gives kids the option to weigh whether the reward is worth the effort. But here’s the thing: chores aren’t optional.
Next, I tried using screen time as a reward. But guess what? Some of my kids decided they didn’t really care about watching a show, so they’d skip the screen time—and the chores. The novelty wore off quickly, and the tasks still needed to be done! The problem with tying rewards to chores is that it gives kids the option to weigh whether the reward is worth the effort. But here’s the thing: chores aren’t optional.
Mistake #2: Relying on Age-Specific Chore Charts
Next, let’s chat about those age-specific chore charts. I can’t tell you how many of those I’ve tried! They look great on paper but often miss the mark in real life. Kids develop at different rates, and a chart might not always align with what your family needs. Instead of sticking to someone else’s chart, try focusing on tasks that matter to you and fit your child’s abilities. Your little ones might surprise you with what they can handle if you give them a chance!
What Actually Works to Get Kids to Do Chores?
Building a Culture of Teamwork
Forget the rewards and rigid charts—aim for a family culture of teamwork.
When everyone feels like a valuable part of the team, and homecare is a natural part of your life, there’s much less resistance when it’s time to clean the kitchen or sweep the floors. I won’t lie and say that attitudes are always sunshine and roses about it, but everyone know that they job must be done and so everyone learns to contribute, with minimal grumbling (yes, even teenagers can learn this!).
This starts with a change in your mindset. When you see chores as an opportunity to teach and connect with your kids, it shifts the dynamic. Next, work on changing your kids’ attitudes toward home care. Show them that taking care of the home is a shared responsibility, and not something to be avoided or traded for rewards. And then take the time to properly teach them the skills to do the work.
What was I thinking? Having half a dozen kids and homeschooling them wasn’t enough, so I added a couple of businesses too. Sure, there are times when I feel like there’s a bit of crazy in me to choose this life (and maybe there is), but most days, things go smoothly. It really helps to have a consistent but relaxed daily rhythm that allows me to work and homeschool all of my amazing little monkeys.
I’ve adjusted our family’s routine over the years as we enter different seasons with newborns, farm work, chronic pain/illness, and even the amount of time I need to dedicate to my work, but the basics really don’t change that much. A couple of my priorities are teamwork with homecare, family meals, and lots of beneficial sleep for Mama.
Here’s what’s working for us in this season (my kids are currently B16, B13, B10, B7, G4, B1):
Wakeup!
I wake up between 7:30 and 8 am, make coffee, write some scripture verses, my praise and prayer, and plan my day. My husband and 16yo are usually outside doing chores by the time the baby and I get up, and my 10yo is listening to an audiobook on the couch. The 7yo and 4yo wake and either play or listen to the audio book when they get up, almost always by 7:30am. The 13yo usually needs a bit more encouragement to get out of bed. He heads out to take his dog for a walk (she’s a farm dog so she lives in the barn or in our backyard) and feed the chickens.
Morning Routine:
Our morning routine, the “high 5” starts at 8:30am (my cell phone alarm reminds us). This routine has been a staple in our family for over a decade, and it is nearly muscle memory for most of my children.
High 5s really don’t take that long and I’d love to do Morning Time with the kids—scripture memory verses, singing a hymn, and longer memory-work pieces—but often I get distracted by singing. Or, on nice days, the kids skip outside to play as soon as High 5s are done.
Mom’s Work Time:
By 10 am, I’m working in the office while the older kids do housework and the younger ones play. Some days they interrupt more than others. On days when I really need the focused work time, I might lock the door and assign one of the teens to keep his siblings busy and away from the door so I can focus. Some days I get really lucky and Adam is able to be inside by 10 am to hold the baby (who ADORES his daddy!), but it’s so dependent on the farm work and whether we’re in a busy season or whether something has broken down.
Often the teens and I pass the baby back and forth trying to keep him content. In a pinch, he hangs out in the playpen in my office. Sometimes I come out of the office to find that one of his older brothers has walked him to sleep and is snuggling the baby on the couch while reading a book. (Those are some of the sweetest moments for this mama-heart!)
A huge part of balance is recognizing that life is just constantly pushing forward small sections at a time, rather than doing everything perfectly all the time.
Afternoon Activities:
Adam is nearly always in by noon and enjoys making lunch for us. After eating together, I sip a coffee, nurse the baby, and chat with Adam (about the farm, silly things the kids have done, or errands that need to be done) before he returns to work around 1 or 2 pm.
At 2 pm, I set aside work and to-do lists to help the kids with their learning card activities. It’s busy, with 1-2 kids on my lap and constant requests for help. The baby, now toddling, adds to the hustle.
Snack time is at 3 pm. We used to watch a documentary, but that got tough with different age-appropriate content, so we stopped. Now they snack and chat until the older kids start farm chores around 3:30 pm.
When the 16, 13, and 10-year-olds are out, I take a break. Sometimes I read emails or news, or pick up a paperback from my end table. And I HOPE the little ones play politely.
When the 13 and 10-year-olds return, they finish any leftover chores or learning cards. Then, it’s tidy-up time for everyone. (The 16yo usually doesn’t get back in until 5pm so he often doesn’t participate in tidy-time anymore. You won’t hear him complain about that.) We go through their sticker charts and learning cards to make sure they have actually done what they need to do and everyone tries to catch up so they don’t eat away at one of their favorite times of day.
At 5 pm, it’s screen time, which keeps the kids busy while I start dinner, often with a toddler on my hip since he isn’t into screens. He loves plastic containers though so sometimes I can distract him with those or by pulling out a bucket of canning rings. It’s the simple things, right?
Adam (almost always) comes home by 6pm, and we have dinner as a family. Afterward, he and some kids clean the kitchen. The 13-year-old tends to his dog, chases chickens, and collects eggs. Sometimes I join him, help in the kitchen, or attend to the little ones. There is usually loud music and some killer dance moves or air guitar by the younger kids.
Evening Routine:
Adam takes the 4 and 7-year-olds downstairs to start bedtime at about 7:15 pm. The older kids and I hang out or read before the 13 and 10-year-olds head to bed at 8 pm. They each get to read a bit more in bed, but have lights out at 8:30pm.
Adam, the 16-year-old, and I might watch a show, play a game, or they play video games while I write. A couple evenings a week I have a work block in my office, or I go to choir or some other music reharsal.
The baby nurses down between 8 or 9 pm and, at 10 pm, we all head to bed. I like to wind down with a non-fiction book on my Kindle, but I’m almost always asleep by 10:30pm, 11pm at the latest.
Sometimes the day goes off the rails. That’s just the reality with farming, mothering, and life in general. My “secret weapon” (that’s really not so secret) is that I’ve found if we can just get our High 5 Morning Routine completed at some point during the day, it keeps the chaos at bay by knocking out laundry and dishes first thing.
A huge part of balance is recognizing that life is just constantly pushing forward small sections at a time, rather than doing everything perfectly all the time.
How to Design A Daily Routine That Works for Your Family:
It’s a simple truth: having a plan leads to peace and joy.
Creating a family routine that works for your family doesn’t need to be complicated:
Document Your Current Routine:
Take some time to write down your current daily activities.
Be detailed and include everything from morning rituals to bedtime routines.
Evaluate What Works:
Look at your list and identify the parts of your routine that are effective.
Highlight these activities as they are the strong points of your day.
Spot Areas for Improvement:
Notice which parts of your routine aren’t working well.
Mark these areas for potential changes.
Maintain Effective Practices:
Keep the aspects of your routine that are functioning well.
Ensure these successful elements stay consistent as you make adjustments elsewhere.
Make Gradual Adjustments:
Start tweaking the less effective parts of your routine slowly.
Implement small changes rather than overhauling everything at once.
Review and Adapt:
Regularly review the changes to see how they’re working.
Be flexible and ready to make further adjustments as needed.
Follow these steps to create a routine that works well and fits your family’s unique needs.
I recommend grabbing my free High 5 morning routine printable to kick things off. It’s not about instantly perfecting your schedule, but about small changes that make life more organized and joyful. A smooth morning routine is a great step towards simplifying your day.
I don’t have time to do all the things. And yet, the things need to be done!
In a world that often feels like it’s spinning at breakneck speed, we’re presented with two stark choices: hustle to get everything done or resign ourselves to getting nothing done. But what if life isn’t an all-or-nothing game? What if there’s a happy medium that allows you to slow down enough to connect with your family, accomplish all you need without burning out, and even have leftover energy and mental capacity to pursue your dreams within and even beyond your role as a mother?
The Beauty of Balance: Finding Your Purposeful Path
Slow living doesn’t equate to a halt in productivity; rather, it’s about being selective with where you channel your energy. It’s about finding harmony in the pace of life, ensuring that every task, every moment spent, is infused with purpose. This philosophy becomes even more profound when applied to motherhood.
My Journey Through the Lens of Purposeful Living
I’m a homeschooling mom of six (ages 16 down to 1), a dairy farmer (though in this season I mostly focus on the office side of things rather than driving tractors and feeding calves), a life coach and online business owner, plus I’m heavily involved in our community choir. I also dabble in gardening and homesteading.
It’s fair to say that my life is full.
We serve best when we are serving from a place of wholeness and abundance. So it our duty to live our lives in such as way that fills us.
Yet, I rarely feel busy. I actually feel…. lazy some days! I am able to sit here at my computer to type this out, listening to my kids playing happily with each other. My housework is relatively caught up so, if someone drops by unexpectedly, I can let them in without feeling ashamed of the mess. I have time later today to connect with my kids through read alouds, homeschooling workbooks, and cooking together. I spend my morning leisurely sipping my coffee while reading and writing scripture and planning my day.
I’m strictly a no-hustle, yet still get it done kind of woman.
I truly believe this is because the things I do commit to resonate with my personality, my gifts, and my strengths, which makes it energizing rather than exhausting. I’m not naturally high-energy (in fact, for many many years I struggled with depression and chronic fatigue), but by operating from a place of life-filling rather than life-depleting activates, I can operate from a place of abundance.
The Power of What Really Matters
As mothers, our hearts are so intertwined with our children, that they become a huge part of our purpose. I believe that God designed it this way. We are SUPPOSED to want to give our all to our children. Yet, we are still whole people with our own needs as well. If we neglect who God designed us to be, we are only ever able to give our family fragments of what they need.
This doesn’t mean we dive into the culture of neglecting our children for the purpose of “self care,” or even worse “self fulfilment.” Nope, as a Christian, we are called to serve. However, we serve best when we are serving from a place of wholeness and abundance. So it our duty to live our lives in such as way that fills us.
Three Steps to a More Purposeful Life
Evaluate: What are your strengths? Spiritual gifts? Passions? spend some time in prayer and/or journaling about how God made you unique.
Discern: Take stock of your activities. Which ones rejuvenate you? Which ones leave you feeling drained? Do they reflect who you want to be and the lifestyle you wish to create for your family?
Plan: Design an ideal week framework. Organize your time in a way that reflects your values and nurtures your family’s well-being. Make sure you’re planning time for marriage, children, homemaking, friendships, personally filling interests, and SLEEP!! In fact, schedule your sleep time in BEFORE putting in anything else!
Envisioning a Life of Peaceful Productivity
Imagine a life where every day is calm and efficient. You handle tasks with grace and purpose, not pushed by the rush to do more or held back by exhaustion. You respond to your children with gentleness rather than frustration.
What if you could go to bed at night smiling, eager for what tomorrow brings?
If you’re ready to take the first set toward slow living and purposeful motherhood, be sure to get my free High 5 Morning Routineprintable for families.
When I was pregnant with my first child, I sat down with a client that had 4 kids, with the youngest just a toddler. She told me that the first couple kids is such a huge adjustment but by the time the 4th rolls around you’ll barely notice the adjustment. That same week I sat down with another client who had a newborn in her arms, their fifth. She told me the exact same thing!
I didnt believe them. I figured the more kids you have, the more work you have. More laundry, meals, emotional needs, etc. That makes logical sense right?
Umm nope!
One child is the biggest adjustment from a life built around yourself to one that now revolves around this little person who is 100% reliant on you. Baby number 2 often comes at a time when you’re still fumbling to find your footing as a mom. If you have a bit more time between kids then 3 can mean the older 2 play while you tend to baby so some find it easier. If you have 3 really little ones then it can feel like you’re pulled in too many directions.
But I think by the time the 4th child rolls along, most moms seem to find their mom groove. You start recognizing things that you thought were problems to solve are not actually problems and just the next phase of baby or toddlerhood. It takes a lot of pressure off of you when you realize that almost everything is normal. And after several babies, you recognize that, while personalities may vary, almost everything is normal and just a phase that will pass.
Mothering is a lot easier when we aren’t as hard on ourselves. When we recognize that our baby isn’t crying because we are doing something wrong, they are crying because babies cry sometimes. When we accept that babies will walk and talk eventually so you don’t need to track everything or be concerned that your baby isnt keeping up to your friends’ baby. When you stop fussing about the fact that your baby spit up in her shirt (or yours) and just roll with it.
Also, the nature of larger families is that kids need to become more independent and helpful. For me, this means that my kids all help out with housework, which takes a huge load off of me. They also help with childcare. For example, this morning my nine-year-old took the baby outside so I could sort laundry and get the washing machine running. Much easier to do that when I don’t have a baby at my ankles! My eldest also loves to sit the baby in her high chair and have breakfast with her which gives me time to drink my morning coffee and do devotions.
We have such a family-team atmosphere in our home and I think it really binds us together. Me with the kids but also between siblings. The olders recognize that the youngers have more intense physical needs but they also know that mom will sit to nurse the baby, or hold her while she naps, and then I can have a good conversation with her about minecraft or tanks or which caliber of gun is best for hunting which animal.
My small farmhouse basically consists of a living room, kitchen, and a weird long room that houses bookshelves, a piano, computers and a small play area for the kids (and a bathroom and bedrooms of course but we don’t play in those rooms). We also live in Alberta where it can be miserable winter weather for 6+ months of the year. And to top that off, I have 5 children, from a baby up to a 12 year old. So I try to prepare by finding indoor activities for the kids.
*Disclaimer: Some of these are affiliate links which means, if you purchase an item, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.
1. Stock up on art supplies:
Paint, crayons, blank paper, paper plates, glue, scissors, fuzzy pom poms etc. Buy them individually or just get a mish-mash kitthat’s simple and covers all the bases.
I’m not a crafty mom so I just set random supplies out and let the kids decide what they want to do with them.
I love these for when my kids want to paint. They’re great for older kids who want to be more precise and for younger kids when I don’t want to deal with cleaning up a painting mess. We bought this dragon kit a couple years ago and the boys loved it. This terrarium kit looks like a lot of fun and I’m thinking I should add them to my Christmas wish list for the boys. A friend’s kids are really into diamond painting so that is on my list of boredom busters too.
2. Have simple recipes on hand:
A couple of my favorite kid friendly recipes are 5 ingredient chocolate chip cookies, peasant bread, or homemade mozzarella. A great idea is to take a child under your wing in the evening and teach them how to make a simple dinner. They get a great life lesson and get to feel important while your begin to work yourself out of a job (in the best possible way). (I have them make one of the meals in my Easy Meal Plan and then they can make it regularly to get lots of practice.)
3. Print coloring/activity pages:
What interests your child?
I’m sure that you can search the internet and find some coloring pages to go with that interest. Popular pictures in my household of (mostly) boys are tanks, Transformers, and farm equipment. But it is as simple as typing “tank coloring page” into the search bar. Mazes are often a huge hit and some days see my boys asking to do hundreds of mazes in one sitting. Krazy Dadis a favorite site for that.
4. Play a card or board game:
Get a regular deck of cards to play Go Fish, Solitaire, War, Crazy 8s etc. Or get fancy and play Canasta or Spoons.
Get a specialized deck of cards like Uno, Phase 10, Skip-Bo, Sparkle Kitty. One that I often forget about (maybe because my kids always beat me!) is Swish by ThinkFun. We have a few products from Think Fun and… we think they are a lot of fun!
A favorite board game of our family (and many other farm families that I know) is The Farming Game. And we have played it with farmers and non farmers and it’s always a hit. My husband and I played it nightly when we first got married and I’m so excited that a couple of the kids are now old enough to play.
A favorite that even the younger kids can play is Labyrinth (though the toddler mostly just likes sliding the board) and a little more complicated but another family favorite is Scotland Yard.
5. Movies and popcorn:
Break out the Netflix or Disney+ or Amazon Prime Video. Find something family friendly to watch. Maybe a blast from the past. A regular routine at my house is to watch a BBC documentary on YouTube for 30-40 minutes at snack time a few times a week. It’s a great down time for me plus the screen time doesn’t mess with their bedtimes (we really guard our sleep in our family!).
You could even get fancy and make kettle corn popcorn the old fashioned way, in a pot on the stove.
6. Thrift Store Books:
I’m pretty frugal so I love the local thrift store that has books for a quarter. I swing by a few times a year to check their selection and pick up a bunch that I think the kids might enjoy. Then I leave them lying around the house where I know they’ll see them. Or I wrap them and give them as gifts for birthdays. Or sometimes it is fun to just gift them even when no one has a birthday.
Not all of them are winners but that’s okay because it only cost me a quarter! Sometimes I re-thrift them but most of the time they sit on our bookshelves or in our book bins for a few years and one of the kids eventually takes an interest in them. If you want more information on what kind of books I buy my book-loving boys, check out my post on Books List for Boys.
7. Science Experiments:
Maybe it is the homeschooler in me, maybe it is my own insatiable curiosity, but science experiments are a winner in my house. I often love to do them with the kids but, when I’m busy with the baby, the older boys will do experiments on their own and I get to just enjoy the results. They don’t really know that it could technically be counted as “school” because it’s just so much fun! Kitchen Science Experiments are a big hit and so are Lego physics activities. One of my favorites was a subscription to a Young Scientist Club and the would send a Magic School Bus Science Kit to our house every month.
8. Act out a play:
Write your own or act out a favorite book.
It could be as simple as each person can read a line while sitting around the table or you could make costumes and sets and record the whole thing.
Or put on a puppet show if you don’t want to act.
Sometimes I read aloud from one of their favorite book with lots of expression and voices to get the kids rolling and then they take it. I’ll be honest, the younger ones are more extroverted and dramatic so they’re easier to get into this. Often the older ones, who are more serious and introverted, roll their eyes at me and wander off but I’ll catch them bringing elements of the story into their Lego play.
9. Bookmark funny or interesting or beautiful videos on YouTube
Watch them on a cranky day. Here’s one to get you started abouthow kids react to an old computer. My husband has also gotten the kids into fainting goats. Yes, that’s a really thing. And they’re hilarious! They make my family laugh almost as much as when my 9 year old pretends he is a fainting goat!
10. Plan a camping trip:
Build a fort and camp out in the living room.
Be sure to include hot chocolate, story telling, and even roasting marshmallows over a candle.
So now I need to ask you, what is your favorite family indoor winter activity?
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