Homemaking 101: Motivation For When You’re Not a Good Homemaker

Homemaking 101: Motivation For When You’re Not a Good Homemaker

by | Homemaking

Homemaking 101: Motivation For When You’re Not a Good Homemaker

Disclosure

So often we tell ourselves we are not a good homemaker. It is so easy to look around your home and see the piles of laundry, dishes, papers, and toys scattered around. Hear me when I say that your home is not meant to be clean all the time. You live here. Your family lives here. It is going to be in some state of disarray 99% of the time. That’s normal. It is also normal to feel like you must be doing something wrong if you can’t keep up. Which leads to the false belief that you are just not a good homemaker.

motivation and resources when you're not a good homemaker

Did you notice I said it is a false belief?

The truth is that it isn’t too difficult to wipe the table. Or wash a pot. Or even fold a shirt. Break it down to the nuts and bolts and homemaking is a bunch of simple motions repeated over and over. (and over and over and over…)

Here is where the mind shift comes in: You are a good homemaker. Say it out loud a couple of times to get a feel for that truth. Your inner voice is probably snickering right now. Mocking you a bit. Denying yourself of that truth. Tell that voice to stuff it. Because you know how to wipe crumbs off the table. Even my 5 year old knows how to wipe the table. (So does my 2 year old, though I’m not sure licking up crumbs while sliding around the table on his tummy is an efficient or sanitary method we should be copying.) And stain removal…. I truly believe this is something that this is the one homemaking task that takes super powers.

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking up complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.”
Mark Twain

(Insert some Jeopardy music here)
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Now that my train of thought was completely interrupted by my children who are sad that our internet is down so the can’t play their math game, let me try to finish writing this post.

The truth: you are a good homemaker. Another truth: it is extremely difficult for many people to do the proper sequence of those simple tasks frequently enough to prevent their home from looking like a bomb farted in it. l recently met a lovely mama who is expecting her third baby. She bemoaned the fact that she is having such a hard time with the infamous disorder that most of us have lovingly dubbed, “baby brain.” The disorder that prevents you from keeping nearly any thought in your mind for more than 3 seconds before it flies out into the wind. I have heard that baby brain can afflict a mama as long as she is pregnant and/or breastfeeding. So I’ve been struggling with it for over 12 years straight.

The solution: write it down.

It sounds overly simple but it works. You will no longer have to expend energy or mental power on keeping that thought in your mind, which frees you up from thinking about what to do so you can actually go do it. If it a bigger project (that involved more than one 10 minute task), take some time to break it down into bite-sized tasks keeps things from getting overwhelming.

You have a couple of options: make yourself a to do list of each of those simple tasks that you must do to keep up on your home keeping maintenance or find a premade list and make it work for you. Get one list, one notebook, or one app to write it all down in. Don’t worry that it isn’t perfect. Just pick one and start. 

Some of my favorite resources for simple and doable homemaking routines:

(I have included some affiliate links here and, as an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. Feel free to read my full disclosure.)

High 5 Chart: I’ve talked about this simple morning routine on my blog a number of times and even offer a free printable to get you started. You can get the free download by filling in the form below.

How to Manage Your Home Without Losing Your Mind: Dana White is a self-proclaimed slob and describes her journey to deslobification. 

Sidetracked Home Executives: From Pigpen to Paradise: This book walks you through each room of your house to help you create a system that covers off not only keeping your house deep cleaned but you can also add in personal routine items (like bathing the kids, shaving your legs, or booking dentist appointments). It’s a lot of work to get the system set up but, once it’s up and running, it’s so simple to maintain. Because it uses index cards for each task, it’s also really easy to delegate to family members. I still use a modified version of this, though I’ve gone from my index card box to tracking things in my Todoist app on my phone.

Creative Home Keeper: Some excellent reading on Victoria’s blog about setting homemaking routines and keeping a clean home. She also has a great free printables section on her website that includes daily and weekly checklists as well as worksheets to help you walk through your own homemaking goals.

Fly Lady:  My understanding is this website was inspired by the book Sidetracked Home Executives. Being perfectly honest, this is one tool that did NOT work for me. Though their system is great and their steps are so easy to follow and truly deliver good results in your home, the amount of emails completely overwhelmed me and I started ignoring them. I much prefer a system that I can control. But if you’re not one who wants to set up your own system and need more guidance and reminders for what you should do each day, this could be an amazing fit for you! Don’t let the dated look of the website scare you. The steps to follow can be a huge help!

Simply Convivial: Mystie wrote the book on how to get things done as a homemaker. Literally. I have it and I’ve read it several times and it inspired me to purchase David Allen’s Getting Things Done ebook earlier this year. (I don’t believe she sells the book anymore but it is really just a summary of her GTD for homemakers blog series.) She also has courses in her membership section, that I have not taken but I imagine the quality is just as good as the rest of her content.

Your home is not meant to perfect all the time but that doesn’t mean you’re not a good homemaker. What makes a good homemaker is someone who doesn’t give up. Keep taking that one next step forward. So grab a notebook or print off some simple routines, like the High 5 routine above, and remind yourself that you’re perfectly capable of doing every single one of those tasks. Then just do the first one. 

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    Encouragement for Moms Who Are Overwhelmed or Discouraged: We’re All Broken

    Encouragement for Moms Who Are Overwhelmed or Discouraged: We’re All Broken

    by | Faith, Motherhood

    Encouragement for Moms Who Are Overwhelmed or Discouraged: We’re All Broken

    Disclosure

    One of the biggest things I have learned over my years as a mother is that we are two imperfect people raising imperfect people in a world that often works against us.


    This can sound like a sober realization and a hopeless proclamation but I’d like to take the opportunity to explain why it is actually a huge encouragement for moms who are overwhelmed or discouraged or who just feel like God made a mistake when He made them responsible for such tiny creatures. 
    encouragement for moms who are overwhelmed and discouraged. we're all broken
    We were not designed to be broken. Our world, our bodies, our souls, were created to be pure and in perfect harmony with the Creator. A phrase I was taught at a youth retreat a couple decades ago is that “God doesn’t make mistakes.”
     

    He didn’t make a mistake when he made you a mother. On the contrary, He gave you the exact children that you were meant to have, in the exact amount, and with the exact personalities He wanted for them. None of them were accidentally put into your heart, home, and family.

     

    That is one aspect of this concept. The next is the acceptance that we will never be able to raise perfect children. We all have our own childhood issues from when our parents raised us that we need to deal with, some are more traumatic and some affects us less but they are all part of our story and who we are today. Our children will also be affected by their childhood, for better or worse. 

     

    I have met amazing parents whose teenage and adult children chose to follow dangerous or heartbreaking paths. I have met parents who neglected or abused their children whose children found healing and hope and have gone on to become incredibly stable and hope-filled adults. 

     

    Does this mean that parenting doesn’t matter? Absolutely not. When children grow up with a stable, consistent, and loving caregiver, they always remember what security and safety feel like, no matter the direction they take in life. 

    Down to our very soul, God made us in His image to be amazing and world impacting people. His original design and desire for us is to worship Him in wholeness.

    encouragement for moms who are overwhelmed and discouraged. we're all broken

    Down to our very soul, God made us in His image to be amazing and world impacting people. His original design and desire for us is to worship Him in wholeness. Unfortunately we are attacked on a daily basis by the broken world we live in. We believe the lies that tell us we’re not good enough. That we are worthless because we don’t measure up to an arbitrary standard or because we are terrible sinners.

     

    I will admit that I am not a thorough housekeeper. I don’t enjoy it and often do just the minimum to keep my house respectable. After 15 years of keeping my own house, I still haven’t found a way to actually enjoy it. (I’m guessing many of you can relate.) Does this make me any less of a person? Not in the slightest. We would never say that someone is worth less because they can’t manage to keep all the laundry cleaned, folded, and put away! Some days it is a struggle just to keep it all in the house! (Please tell me my kids are not the only ones who leave socks, shirts, and muddy jeans outside under the swing set.)

     

    What you do (or do not do) does not define who you are.

     

    Whether you struggle with minor things like math or laundry, or with more life-altering habits and sins, what you do does not change the fact that God did not mess up on you. The devil’s trick is to make you believe the lie that you are not enough. It is the same lie he will tell your children through their lives.

     

    Do you remember when you first looked on your child? Born into this world and full of beauty and innocence. Potential. Wholeness.

     

    All of that is still there.
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    As someone who is constantly battling the devil whispering in my ear and telling me that I’m not good enough, as someone who has been pushed down and trampled on by brokenness too many times to count, I can still confidently say that the world may break me but God still owns me. He is still the foundation, the core, that I am built on. And He keeps rebuilding me. I beg Him regularly to keep rebuilding me.

     

    That same core is built into you and your children. We would never say there is such thing a worth more or worth less when it comes to our children so why do we believe the lie that there is such a thing when it comes to God’s children? 

     

    Knowing this lie will attack our children, are there any measures we can take to prepare them? 

    The number one thing we can do as parents is to fill up our hearts with so much Truth and Love, to allow ourselves to accept that we are broken but can be built up, that it can’t help but spill over into our children. They need us to fill them up with so much of God’s perfect Love that they can reject the lie that will be whispered to them, shoved at them, and sometimes even shouted from the rooftops, throughout their lives. 

     

    No matter what way I look at this parenting gig, it always cycles back to my childhood song of “read your Bible, pray every day.” Always back to starting with good, faith building habits.

     

    “We’re all broken but we’re all in this together.

    God knows we stumble and fall,

    But He so loved the world He sent His son to save us all.”

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    Being a Christian in a Broken World

    by | Faith

    The sermon last week was on the sword of the spirit. The pastor reminded us that all the chaos in this world is not a matter of political or religious issues. It is not about flesh and blood. It is a spiritual battle. It is not an attack on a country or people. It is an attack on Christ. The armor of God supports us with being a Christian in a broken world. And we cannot turn a blind eye to the attack on Christ.

    The sword is the only offensive piece of the armor of God and it is not even ours. We have the ability to pick up the sword, not our sword.  It belongs to the Spirit and refers to the living and life-altering Word of God. The Spirit uses the Word to comfort, encourage, and convict us and those around us.

    Jesus used the Word when He was tempted in the desert. The devil backed down. The Word is active and alive and powerful.

    Read your Bible to get it into your mind, let the message penetrate your heart, so you can be prepared to wield it when needed. It is available for us to call on when we are in the fight for our lives.

    Christians in this world are in a fight for their lives.

    When the enemy makes us question, we can wield the Truth. We get to hold onto to the promises of God. Pessimism is from the devil. It is a lack of trust in God’s promise. In His love.

    The enemy has gained ground. He gains ground in our world, countries, society, and in our lives. But the enemy must obey. He will be removed.

    We will be free. Free from the darkness and injustice and brokenness. Actually, the truth is that we are already free. We have been released. The enemy has been defeated.

    O is for Overcome Imperfect Parenting

    O is for Overcome Imperfect Parenting

    by | Motherhood

    There is hope! Overcome Imperfect Parenting. My parents screwed up when they were raising me. They yelled at me and spanked me (a couple times). They disrespected my thoughts and opinions. I was raised by imperfect parents, and it affected me and my ability to parent. I’ve screwed up already with raising my boys.

    I did not like my kids last night. Both C and Biscuit. I got so mad at them for their disobedience and the way they were treating each other. It was the end of the day, I was tired, and I reacted poorly. And then I looked at Baby Bear sleeping contentedly on my chest and felt my heart burst with peace and love for him. He’s perfect. He adores me. I can easily fill all of his needs. He’s quiet and never talks back or disobeys me. But it won’t last. It’s a scary thought that one day I will probably feel that all-to-familiar anger toward him as well.

    I’m a sinner, raised by sinners, raising sinners. It’s a recipe for disaster.

    The truth is that perfection is impossible. Thankfully, God doesn’t require perfection from us. Instead, He gives us grace. Grace: the free and unmerited power to save a person from sins. My boys will overcome the things that I do wrong with them, just like I am overcoming the things my parents did wrong with me. Through God’s grace. God overcame sin so we didn’t have to. This doesn’t give us permission to damage our children by the way we parent, rather, it allows us the freedom to allow the Holy Spirit to work through us. We are free to parent the way that He has called us to. He will be made perfect in our weakness.

    We need to admit we aren’t perfect and stop believing the lie that we need to be. Admit that we make mistakes, even admit to our children that we are just as much sinners as they are. Ask them for forgiveness when we mess up.

    The shackles of our ancestors and upbringing exist. Sin exists. We will always battle it but, praise the Lord, we do not battle alone. We can overcome imperfect parenting. The outcome is not of our doing. It is by the grace of God that we have happy, adjusted children. There is hope for them, in spite of our imperfections.

    Make sure you don’t miss any posts in this series by subscribing to my weekly blog newsletter!
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    M is for Memories and Blessings of 2013

    M is for Memories and Blessings of 2013

    by | Faith

    Top Ten Favorite Memories and Blessings of 2012

    I spent some time reflecting on the past year as I made my Life Plan for 2014 and our sermon yesterday was a review of some of the congregations blessings over the past year. I’ve had “Count Your Blessings” stuck in my head all day. So here are some of my favorite memories and blessings of 2013 (in no particular order):

    • The birth of my third son. What an unbelievable experience! He is 7 weeks old now and has made such a seamless entry into our lives.
    • Hiring a close friend to work with us on the farm and having him and his wife and kids move just down the road. I love having a friend 5 minutes down the road and their whole family has been such a blessing with the extra help on the farm, support for when I had Baby Bear, and friends for my own boys to play with.
    • A bountiful harvest. There is something to be said for irrigated fields. We have never, in all the years we have been farming, seen such an amazing harvest. And God protected our fields from the crazy weather too!
    • A new brother-in-law. It wasn’t the prettiest process but my sister-in-law’s new husband is a wonderful addition to the family. And he brought with him two incredible new nieces, who I hope will learn to love our family as much as we already love them.
    • The best family Christmas in the last decade. After many years of … upside down Christmases, Hubby and I both truly enjoyed spending time with both sides of our family as well as having more intimate celebrations with our own three boys.
    • A new vehicle. I can’t say enough how much I love our GMC Acadia. Not only is it perfect for our family’s needs, it is a truly beautiful machine on the inside and the out. It is the first new vehicle I have ever owned and I feel so blessed to call it my own.
    • Miracles and progress on the farm. We went through quite an adventure with moving a whole herd of cattle plus all the machinery last winter and much of this year was spent trying to figure out the new system and farming rhythm here. It wasn’t always easy and it was a steep learning curve but God answered our prayers and we are finally feeling like things are headed in the right direction.
    • A church family that completely enveloped my family into their fold. We weren’t able to attend regularly throughout the year (partially due to farm work and partially due to our own fatigue after a long, hard week) but the congregation continually greeted us like we were old friends, with no judgement. It is very exciting to be at a place in our lives when church attendance can become more regular and we are able to leave feeling refreshed in both heart and spirit.
    • Growth in my marriage. After 9.5 years of marriage, Hubby and I are closer than we have ever been. It is truly a God-thing to grow closer in spite of the busyness of the last year. Or perhaps it is because of it. I love being on the same page as him when it comes to goals for our family and the farm.
    • My own spiritual growth. I’m actually excited to read my Bible. My post partum depression (from after my second son was born) has been defeated. I’m singing in worship again. But most importantly, God has convicted me of the importance of pursuing Him, for both my own sake as well as my family’s.

    This year had led our whole family on an adventure of ups and downs and has taught us, once again, that God is in control and the only way to make it through any season of life is to fully rely on Him.

    What are some of your favorite memories or blessings of 2013? How are you allowing the lessons you’ve learned in 2013 shape your 2014?

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