by Tessa | Homemaking, Motherhood
How To Do It All As A Mom
I chatted with a mom of 8 recently and told her she must be a bit crazy to have that many kids. She laughed and pointed out that I have 5 children. Yep. That sounds a little crazy too! Some people think that moms of large families must be super human to be able to keep up with everyone but one of the most popular questions I research is how to do it all as a mom without getting burnt out?
I was reading some journal entries I wrote 3 years ago. Many of them are about how I was trying to juggle writing (which I never did get off the ground at that time), mothering, homeschooling, farming, and being a wife. I wanted to serve God but I was distractible. Exhausted. Unfocused. I felt like I was fighting an uphill battle. Some of my entries even stop mid-sentence, a sign that I had to tend to a child and never sat back down to finish.
Since then, I’ve added on another baby, more necessary self care and health habits, being chair of the worship committee at church, visiting friends more regularly, and blogging. Because every mom needs more stuff to do, right?
While researching the answer to how a mom can do it all, I’ve realized that, right now, my home is relatively kept up and I live a pretty peaceful life. So I guess that kind of means I’ve been doing pretty good in that department lately.
What would I say if someone asked me how to do it all as a mom and not live in a state of overwhelm?
Overwhelm is, most often, a mindset. If you think about all the things you have to do, you’ll be face down on the floor. It really helps to break it down into smaller pieces.
– Jen Sincero
Well, the truth is this: Imperfectly.
I do get burnt out sometimes. I do suffer from “overwhelmed mom syndrome” from time to time. And I do drop the balls I’m so carefully trying to juggle. I see other moms who do it all so much more gracefully than I do. Or at least, that’s what it looks like. But I know that they have their hard days and hard seasons, just like I do.
I want to share with you some of the reasons why I believe I’m way more able to find more balance as a mom than I did a few years ago.
I will add the caveat that 3 years ago I began suffering from post traumatic stress disorder which led to panic attacks and anxiety. (If you would like to read more about that, you can read here about How I Deal with Anxiety) I have also battled depression since I was a teenager. So the added quirks of those disorders definitely play into how I quickly I have the potential to reach that state of burnout or overwhelm and also how careful I have to be to find systems that work to avoid the worst of those situations.
Avoid Overwhelm With Routines
I have a written plan and routines that I’ve slowly built up over time. I have talked before about how I’ve tried to work at our High 5 morning routine for many years. It still isn’t perfect but we are still working on it. The kids know what is expected so they may resist regularly but they know the routine backwards and forwards at this point. And the older boys are truly enjoying taking the toddler under their wings to teach him how to do High 5s. They’re excited for him to get his very own sticker chart in a few months.
I also have a pretty regular personal morning routine. It is interrupted regularly but I give myself a couple hours to do about 20 minutes of Bible reading and my Praise and Prayer journal. I also still use a lot of tips from Mystie Winkler at Simply Convivial and the book Getting Things Done when it comes to my task lists. I go through my habit tracker and habit workbook and reevaluate regularly to make sure I’m prioritizing the right habits.
We may not be perfect in execution of all of our routines but at least we know what needs to be done.
[et_bloom_inline optin_id="optin_7"]
Prioritize Self Care
I continue to prioritize self care. If you are interested in more particulars, you can read my self care series about the routines and habits I use to keep depression at bay. Having a baby and then hitting winter does a number on my fatigue and hormone levels, as well as my ability to get out of the house to socialize. (Going out in -40° with a baby is often not worth the hassle.) It basically leaves me very vulnerable to sinking into depression. So that’s when I go back to the beginning of my self care routine of Bible reading and my Praise & Prayer journal.
And sleep. Besides making sure I’m plugging into God’s word regularly, sleep is the biggest factor of self care. I stick to my bedtime like a champ (I have an alarm on my phone to remind me) to make sure I spend enough time laying in bed that I’m not always exhausted, even though I have been waking up multiple times a night with little ones since my eldest was born 12 years ago.
Friendships
I am so very blessed with friends who are willing to drive out to see me. Before we moved to this community 7 years ago, we lived in the country near a more metropolitan area. Many people there thought coming to my place in the country was too far so I had to continually load up and go into town. (I did have a couple friends who recognized that the road was the same distance both ways and they are still big parts of my heart, in spite of moving away.) My natural inclination is to hibernate during winter months because I don’t do well in the cold (I can never manage to warm up) and, after a severe back injury years ago that I still deal with, I’m terrified of slipping on the ice. But my friends come visit me and drag me out invite me over for visits. Even as an introvert, regular socialization is a necessity.
Focused Time For Each Role
I read somewhere a while back (wish I could remember the source!) that maybe life isn’t about finding balancing and keeping all the balls in the air. Maybe it is about knowing where the balls you dropped land so you can pick them up again.
There are times that I dedicate to my kids and completely ignore the online world. There are times when I ignore my housework to focus on pushing some things forward on my blog. Or I pause anything remotely homeschooling or kid interaction focused so I can get my laundry folded and floors mopped. (Sidenote: usually the kids help with this but sometimes Mama just wants to burn through some of it so I send them out of the room.)
Recognize and Accept That I Can’t Do It Alone
This was a massive gamechanger. I have always been an advocate of “it takes a village to raise a child” but always put that idea toward the fact that our children need other adult role models. So when my father wants to teach one of the boys how a cow’s digestive system work or take a couple boys to town to pick up parts then I’m all for it.
I also know the importance of us fellow moms supporting and encouraging each other. So much so that I have a whole blog dedicated to that very purpose!
But I am forever grateful that God led me to release the guilt I have about thinking I need to run my entire household and business by myself.
It’s okay to ask someone to watch your children while you nap or go out. It’s okay to ask for help with cleaning and organizing. It’s okay to not cook every meal from scratch. It’s okay to have someone else teach your child a skill. There are so many affordable and out of the box ways to get help. You just need to release the guilt of thinking that, just because you chose to have your kids or because you stay at home with them or because you homeschool them that you are the only one responsible for every single thing.
If you are like me and wondering how a mom can do it all, take some time to evaluate the stress points in your life and make a plan to start easing out of those ruts. Get really persistent about your routines, prioritize self care, form enriching friendships, be present in whatever role you are filling in the moment, and find ways to ask for help.
If you want some guidance, be sure to check out my free habit tracker work book by dropping your email address in the box below. It can walk you through how to choose productive habits as well as help you stay motivated and track them.
[et_bloom_inline optin_id="optin_7"]
My small farmhouse basically consists of a living room, kitchen, and a weird long room that houses bookshelves, a...
Fevers and illness, daring activities that lead to injuries, potential kidnappings, government interference... there...
Not every aspect of motherhood is enjoyable but it shouldn't all be difficult and overwhelming either. Unfortunately,...
Illness, depression, poor planning, whatever the reason, it if far to easy to get behind on housework. Getting behind...
[et_bloom_inline optin_id="optin_10"]
by Tessa | Motherhood
I started cloth diapering my first son when he was about 10 months old. I bought some cheap covers and my mom donated all the flats she used on my siblings and me. Mom had received them used so C was the 7th baby to use these flats! There were a few hiccups but I figured out how to make flats work for us and fell in love with cloth diapering.
Then I entered the crazy world of today’s cloth diapers. Styles, brands, colors, fabrics… so many options it can make someone’s head spin! If you’re interested in a simple summary of the different styles, you can find one by clicking here.
Since I’m such a “research junkie,” I made it my mission to learn about cloth diapers and find the best style and brand of cloth diapers. I have reasearched and experimented with fabrics, styles, brands (name brand vs cheapies), closures (snap vs aplix vs pull up), care options, etc. I realize that it’s a matter of opinion, but I believe that I have found the best cloth diapers on the market right now.
My preferred style is fitteds with a cover:
- Extra leak protection: Less chance of leakage if you can’t change baby as soon they need or if you’re in the car and have car seat straps pressing on diapers and such. They are also less prone to poop explosions because there are two layer to go through, instead of one.
- Last longer: You’re not washing the waterproof cover each time. This also allows you to wash your diapers on a hotter setting without having to worry about ruining the waterproof layer because you can simply wash the covers in another load.
- More flexibility: You can have one layer specifically for the absorbency and the cover holds it snugly in place. You can add more absorbency for night time and use a more breathable cover (such as wool) if desired, without having to buy a whole new diaper. (In fact, even moms who prefer other styles during the day turn to fitteds for nighttime use). You even have the option to use just the fitted while at home to catch any accidents while potty training or just to allow baby’s bum a bit more air-time.
My personal favorites, and the ones I recommend to everyone I know, are Thirsties Fab Fitteds with Thirsties Duo Wrap covers. I bought some covers while still folding flats with C and haven’t looked back! I found they fit both of my boys really well, in spite of their completely different body shapes. I have friends that have used them as well and they love them just as much. Friends who have cloth diapered between 4 and 8 children (i.e. they know their stuff).
- Sizes: The two sizes work well from birth to potty training. A lot of moms find that, with one sized diapers, they end up needing to buy either disposables or a newborn size for the first few months and then, depending on their child’s size, bigger diapers for nearing potty training. One-sized diapers fit that middle range. I used size 1 Thirsties on Biscuit and he was less than 7lbs at birth and C just stopped using them at night (with an extra absorbent booster and only one snap done up instead of two) about six months ago, at almost age 5.
- Quality: They will last through several children and, if you no longer need them, they hold their resale value better than some other brands do. They are in the mid-range for price but I have found their quality outlasts many of the other, more expensive, brands. For example, my size one diapers have been through 2 babies (up to about 5 months each) and they still look and feel as good as new. No snap issues or elastic issues or anything. My size 2 diapers look a little more worn because I am pretty hard on my diapers (we had terrible water that discolored them and I machine wash and dry everything) but I still have zero issues with them and they’ll last through another child or two easily. Biscuit has used them for over 2 years now and they are still in excellent condition.
- Service: I have emailed Thirsties with questions and spoke with their customer service department on the phone and they were so helpful and quick with their responses.
- Options: Snaps or aplix? I prefer snaps for my fitteds so I can use them under wool covers with no snagging, plus the snaps are nice a strong so my toddler has difficulty undoing them. I used aplix for the covers because it allows me to adjust to that perfect fit.
- Made in North America: I like knowing that the diapers are made in the USA by (mostly) WAHMs.
Cloth diapers are so simple these days and I have no concerns about having a newborn, full time, in cloth in a few weeks. Even my 5 year old knows how to wash cloth diapers! I won’t even get into how much money these diapers have saved me but you can read my thoughts on how to have a baby on a budget here.
Side note about newborns in cloth:
meconium does NOT permanently stain or wreck the diapers.
A little bit of sunshine gets rid of any stains.
Those flats that I first used had 6 newborns in them and have no staining.
Were you cloth diapered as a child?
Have you ever thought about cloth diapers? Why or why not?
Linked up at:
