I Don’t Want to be a Cranky Mommy

Disclosure

Warning: This is a true story. And it’s not a pretty one!

I’m trying to fix dinner. Baby Bear is fussing in his baby seat. Then he starts screaming at me because I’ve left him too long. So I grab him and hope the pasta doesn’t boil over.

Then C comes in the house, asks what’s for supper, “Homemade macaroni and cheese with Grandma’s ham” I say. *whine* *whine* *whine* “Fine, then you can leave the house and we’ll eat supper without you.”

Biscuit comes in the house doing the potty dance. Refuses to go potty when I tell him he should. Most likely because I told him. I’m pretty sure that, if I would have kept my big mouth shut, he would have realized sooner what his body was trying to tell him. But he doesn’t, just to prove a point. Just to irk me. I tell him “Fine. If you pee in your pants then you can do your own laundry.”

I’m stressed by Baby Bear, mad at C, mad at Biscuit, and mad at myself.

Deep breaths. I don’t want to be a cranky mommy. I can’t control cranky kids but I can make different choices for my own attitude. What if someone walked into my house in the midst of these exchanges? Would they see how much I love my children? Probably not. I heard a mom yell at her kids in the parking lot one time and I swore I would never do that. I only had one child at that point and C was/is a pretty compliant and content kid. Now, I’ve totally snarked at my kids in the parking lot. I’m sure people have overheard. Humbling.

More deep breaths. I don’t want to be a cranky mommy. I start counting my blessings: Sturdy house with a working furnace. Healthy food. Husband who will come in from work soon and help finish up supper and put kids to bed. Three absolutely beautiful boys who I wouldn’t trade for anything (most days). Parents who live next door and my Dad who regularly takes time to come over and connect with his grandsons. Friends nearby. Loving church family.

As I count my blessings and thank God for them, amazing things start to happen.

My heartbeat starts slowing down and breaths become easier to take. C takes Baby Bear, who I have had to put back in his seat to deal with the boiling pasta, and gets him giggling within seconds. C has a true gift for making people feel good and Baby Bear has a ridiculosly contageous laugh. Biscuit heads outside, still wearing clean pants. He potty trained himself just after his second birthday. He hasn’t actually had an accident in ages.

It’s not always easy to stay calm and loving when it feels like things around are spinning out of control. My older two have seen me struggle with postpartum depression and, unfortunately, seen cranky/angry mommy more often than I would like to admit. But God is merciful and has forgiven me. (As have my boys.) He is also the Healer of my soul and He continually works in my heart and body to keep depression at bay. Much of my cranky behavior is due to bad habits I have picked up during some of the low points of my life.

Resources:

Confessions of a Yelling Mom (Now Reformed) – Lisa, from Club 31 Woman, shares a bit of her story of how she overcame her habit of yelling to develop a habit of peace.

5 Ways to Overcome the Yelling Mom – Jamerill, at The Better Mom, explains how motherhood can magnify the sinful flesh and shares her best tips to continue growing toward becoming a more gentle, peaceful, patient, and loving mother.

How to Control Your Emotions, So They Don’t Control You by Brooke McGlothlin – a practical, highly usable, biblical model for submitting your emotions to the authority of the Word of God. After you read it, you’ll be equipped with information you can put into place immediately to start seeing a difference in your heart.

She’s Gonna Blow! by Julie Ann Barnhill – For every mom seeking here-and-now hope and help to…find healthier ways of expressing anger; let go of “control” issues and be more positive; and draw closer to the God who created moms and mothering.

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Relaxed Homeschool Schedule: A Day in the Life With a Newborn, 2yo, 5yo, 8yo, and 11yo

by Tessa | Homeschooling

Relaxed Homeschool Schedule: A Day in the Life With a Newborn, 2yo, 5yo, 8yo, and 11yo

Disclosure

I always love reading “homeschool day in the life” posts by other people to see how they do things so I thought it was my turn to share.

Since the birth of our littlest one a couple weeks ago our household rhythms have been thrown off balance. We also had a stomach bug come through the house (I walked over to my mom’s across the yard at 2 days post partum so the baby and I would escape it) and the boys took a while to get their energy back. But I feel like we are slowly easing back into our relaxed homeschool schedule.

Keep in mind that this is an ideal that we strive for but we don’t always hit these targets. This also just applies to days when we are nearly fully at home. If we are out and about, we adapt and mostly just stick to our daily anchors of high 5, snack time, and tidy time.

6am WakeUp

My husband’s alarm goes off and he goes downstairs to do his devotion time for a bit before heading out to feed cows. Until the birth a couple weeks ago he would hand me my phone so I could do a quick YouVersion devotion and pray for strength and wisdom for the day and for God to guide my words. Then I would write for about an hour in Evernote on my phone while attempting to keep all the little ones asleep. I’ll build up to writing again but, for now, I have mostly been taking the extra hour of sleep or lay awake praying for the day and cuddling with and watching my littlest one nurse.

7am Coffee & Journal

I try to sneak away from my bed-sharing 2yo to go downstairs for my coffee and praise & prayer journal. I only succeed about 25% of the time. I’m often joined by my other early riser as well, the 5yo. Of course the baby always comes with me. Occasionally the 11yo also wakes up earlier than normal and comes downstairs to read on the couch. The 8yo is my sleeper-inner and is almost never up before 9. When the kids wake up they get their own breakfast on the go. It is a relaxed time of self direction and the kids have learned that, while my lap and arms are always open to cuddle, I am not very chatty until later.

8am Social Media or Emails

Adam comes in for a bit after he is done morning feeding time until he has his morning operational meeting in the barn at 9am. This is a new part of our routine (he used to go out to feed at 7:30 and we wouldn’t see him until noon) but even he has learned that I’m not very chatty and, if he wants to chat and play, the 5yo and 2yo are where to direct his energy. I often do a bit of social media posting and interacting at this point too.

9am High 5s

Adam goes back to the farm and the rest of us start with High 5s. This is a routine I’ve been working on since my eldest was 5, so over 6 years. (Short description: make bed, get dressed, gather dirty laundry, eat breakfast, tidy kitchen.) It still doesn’t happen without a phone alarm (which currently sings “Baby Shark,” at the childrens’ request, and always results in lots of giggles) and plenty of reminders. But this is always my starting place as it covers off the maintenance of the biggest two household tasks: laundry and dishes. Sometime this one task takes us all morning. That’s just how life goes sometimes.

9:30am Morning Time

At least that is the goal. We hit it 2-3 times per week when I really make the effort. This part of the rhythm was added in about 3 years ago when I got really ambitious and excited about all the lovely things I was reading about circle time and morning baskets. I have kept it pretty simple and I’ll write a little more about what exactly we do next week (otherwise this post would be even longer than it is).

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. (Eccl 3:1 NIV)

10am Learning Cards

We split off into our Learning Cards. (More detail in my post on Homeschool Curriculum Choices for Grade 6, Grade 4, and Grade 1) These are done at the boys’ own pace, though I do remind them that the more they do right away, the more they can play in the afternoon. This is the time when I’m on call to direct or assist with learning card while I try to get some blog work in. The toddler plays. Sometimes with a table toy (like dice or pompoms) and sometimes with his brothers’ Lego creations.

Noon Lunch

Adam comes in from chores and likes to make lunch for us. I used to have lunch ready when he came in but he was always craving something else so he took over a few years ago. This means we either visit while I catch up on my kitchen tasks or folding laundry in the kitchen (which is where all my clean laundry is stored, small house quirks), or at this point I usually just sit and rest for a bit 9with a nursing baby of course) and wait until he feeds me.

1pm Quiet time

The 2yo goes down for a nap so he cuddles with his Daddy for half an hour in our bed upstairs before Adam sneaks away to goes back to work at 1:30. (Note: He is the first of my kids to nap on a very consistent schedule.) During this time, I nap on the couch with the baby as the older 3 go outside or play quietly with Lego, play a boardgame, or read and attempt to keep themselves quiet so I don’t growl at them.

2pm Catch Up

The 2yo wakes up and one of the older 2 boys goes to get him. He comes to snuggle with me on the couch or is read to by an older brother while I help the other rather quietly with some earning stuff that was not done earlier as we try not to wake the baby, who is still napping in my arms. I used to try to fit a bit of homecare in at some point after naps but, at this point, it often looks like me just directing the older kids to do their homecare tasks from their sticker charts while I cuddle the baby.

3pm Snack time

This has been an anchor in our day for years. We have a small snack and gather for a simple lesson in History or Botany or a mom-chosen show.

Snack time was added to our daily rhythm when we first moved to this farm. I just had two kids at the time, 5yo and 2yo, and I worked in the barns 8-10 hours a day. They came with me as I had no childcare so they “worked hard” too all day. They played with calves and raced Tonka trucks up and down feed alleys and helped pitch straw into calf pens. I remember the hard work of this time period but they remember the fun of helping mom.

By this point in the day I needed to feed them something to tide them over until a late supper. We would make this a fun “tea time” and the three of us would sit around a little table and have very grown up conversations and sometimes I read poetry or Little House books… In spite of the backbreaking work of starting up this farm, I have some sweet memories of that time too.

When this is done the kids go play while I rest or read or check social media.

4pm Chores

We have a phone alarm that tells the 11yo to go to the barn for chores. He pushes feed up for the dairy cows, sometimes he scrapes manure out of stalls or helps find cows who have been lazy and haven’t gone to the milk robot for a while. Sometimes my husband texts me and asks for the 8yo to come assist with chores too. They love working with their Dad on the farm sporadically but having regular barn chores on the sticker chart is a privilege that they have to earn. This takes anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour.

The other kids keep playing.

You can read more about how we use chores to teach responsibility in work in my post about Raising Men, Not Boys: Chores.

5pm Tidy Time

Tidy time is another regular anchor in our day. We use it to bring peace back to our home, not that getting them to actually tidy is always peaceful process! My checklist and schedule loving 11yo is very consistent with this though. Not because he necessarily sees the value of a tidy home (though the more he trips on dump trucks or steps on Lego the more he understands) but because the reward is some screen time.

I tell the boys what I need tidied, the messiest room or two plus the living room where Adam and I sit in the evening. I don’t keep a clean house all day but I do like a peaceful room after the kids are in bed. Plus the bathroom is down the stairs and on the far end of the house, through nearly all the downstairs rooms, so we need to make sure the path is straightened up so no one breaks a foot on the way there in the middle of the night… again.

While they tidy, I get supper on the go. Sometimes the middle 3 tidy while I teach my eldest how to cook a meal. Sometimes my 8yo comes to help me because he is so eager to learn everything about being a grownup (including a strong desire to drink coffee).

6pm Supper

We eat when my husband comes in from the farm. Usually at 6 but sometimes he is later. If he is going to be after 7 then the kids and I will eat without him and he just reheats his food.

7:30pm Bedtime

We start bedtime routines, which is really just potty, brush teeth, fill water bottles then upstairs for story and prayer with Daddy. The 5yo has lights out at 8pm, 8 & 11yo have a reading lamps beside their bed and turn them off at 8:15 & 8:30.

Our 2yo will sometimes join his brothers for stories, otherwise he hangs out downstairs with me, and folds his hands when he hears the boys praying upstairs through the monitor. (Sidenote: best idea ever to have a baby monitor for the boys’ shared room so they know we can hear them whisper and giggle if they don’t go to sleep but we can also hear if they are scared or sick or need something.) Toddler is usually asleep by 9ish and so far just falls asleep beside his sister as I rock them both or cuddled under a blanket on the couch beside his daddy.

10pm My Bedtime

This is HUGE! I can’t emphasize enough the value in setting a consistent bedtime. I also have no issues going to bed earlier if I haven’t napped or if the baby has been awake more at night.Adequate sleep is a gamechanger! Our 2yo, who still occasionally wakes in the night, currently sleeps in the side-carred crib so Adam tends to him through the night and I get to cuddle and nurse my newest bundle all night.

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Why I Don’t Keep a Clean House (And Neither Should You)

by Tessa | Homemaking

Why I Don’t Keep a Clean House (And Neither Should You)

Disclosure

I may scare a few people off my confessing this but I’ll confess anyway: I don’t keep a clean house. It isn’t a goal I’m heading toward. In fact, having a perfectly clean house is not even on my radar. What? Isn’t that everyone’s goal? Isn’t that the role of a homemaker? The answer comes in the form of a big, fat, NO!

organization and homemaking is hard but you don't actually have to keep your entire house clean

You’ll never be satisfied if you try to keep your entire home clean. It’s just not going to happen because you live here! Instead, focus on getting one area clean at a time. Some areas can be clean once per week (or month or year) and some areas can have a clean moment daily. My kitchen table is an area that I try to clean once a day. Sometimes it’s first thing in the morning and then the kids do puzzles or drive cars on it. Sometimes it’s right before supper so I can set the table for supper. Sometimes we eat at a table with last night’s rice still on it and I clean it after the kids have gone to bed. It is clean for probably 15 minutes per day maximum. But I’m okay with that.

You’ll never be satisfied if you try to keep your entire home clean. It’s just not going to happen because you live here! Instead, focus on getting one area clean at a time.

I try to clean my floors once per week. I don’t have a very big house and we don’t have a lot of toys so, if everyone (read: my husband, who pumps up the boys to help out) chips in, it only take about 15-30 minutes to tidy the floors enough so I can sweep. Sometimes I mop. And then the kids run in and out of the house with dirty feet. The next day the toys and sand are all over the floor again.

My sink has a dish brush, coffee grounds, and a few dishes in it. I try to clean it once per day but we use our sink. It is pretty much never empty because, as soon as I do clean it, it’s snack time and strawberry and banana covered knives and plates get put in there. Or my husband makes coffee and rinses out the reusable coffee filter. Or I find a cup of yesterday’s leftover milk to dump in there.

Free Printable Habit Tracker and Workbook

Get your Free Guide to Setting Life Changing Habits

The goal is not to keep your home clean. The goal is to GET it that way. And then move on. Let it go. Know that it will be messy and dirty again. And that’s okay. So give yourself grace. Pick your area to focus on that can be cleaned right now. And accept that you are cleaning it up simply to be a clean canvas for your life. A clean slate for new creativity. Whether it be for supper, race tracks, or morning coffee. That’s just life. And life is messy and dirty.

If you really struggle, start with one focus area for 5-10 minutes a day and build up a habit to keep that one area under control. Do you want some guidance in how to choose habits and keep motivation going to actually create them? Check out my free printable Habit Tracker Workbook which will walk you through setting habits for various areas of your life as well as guide you to stay motivated.

Comment below to let me know what one area you can stay focused on or how you’re planning to let go a bit and breath easier.