Raising Men, Not Boys: Chores

I often remind my boys (and myself) that I am raising men, not boys. I have asked them what kind of men they want to grow into and they tell me they want to be hard working and Godly. 

I admit to leading their answers a bit there. 

But this basically gives me permission to train them in such a way so they can become the men that they, and I, desire them to be. 

We talk about what God desires from them: kindness, selflessness, helpfulness, the ability to protect and provide for a family. They want to be good fathers who listen to and play with their kids.

 

Tip: if they say they want to grow into men who sit on the couch and play video games all day, ask them how they plan to pay for that house and couch and video games. They will need to have some marketable skills in order to pay for living expenses and lifestyle so you can use that as a jumping off point. Even if they don’t want responsibilities, there will always be a minimal amount required just to get by.

 

I remind them of these goals of theirs when they don’t want to help out in the house. We talk about how the home is a place for teamwork and that we need to take care of the blessings God has provided us but we also discuss regularly about how the home is the training ground for learning how to become hardworking and Godly. If they can’t learn to accomplish a household task well and consistently, they will not be able to accomplish an out of home work task well and consistently. The place to learn how to follow directions is at home so when they get a job they will be able to follow the direction of their boss to do their job well. 

 

If they learn to do slack off on a job in the home, under the care of a mother whom they love and home they should take pride in, how much more likely will it be that they carry that attitude into the workplace in the future? 

We also have the added bonus of farm chores. As a full time dairy farm, there is always work to be done. Cows need to be fed several times a day, stalls scraped, equipment maintained and repaired. We have a lot of moving machinery and vehicles in and out of the yard daily. Unlike the old homestead days, our farmyard is not a safe place for children to play. It is an active worksite so we have strict safety rules surrounding it. The biggest one being that the kids play on the lawn or in the house. Barns and heavy equipment are not playgrounds and jungle gyms. 

This means that barn chores are something that are a sign of responsibility and maturity.  Because the feed needs to be pushed up every day, even when you don’t feel like it, you need to prove that you can be committed to your home care tasks before we can trust you with a barn task. You need to show Mom you can be consistent and thorough before you can get permission to add a barn chore to your rotation. 

Yes, you read that right: barn chores are a reward and privilege.

Most people reading this will not have barn chores but I’m sure you can think of some household tasks that require more skill and trust to accomplish. We naturally give older kids higher skill level tasks as they prove their abilities. Many websites have great lists of age appropriate tasks that you can “graduate” your children to as they prove capable and willing.

I think of the parable of the talents in Matthew 25:14-30. Even Jesus believed if He could trust someone with little, they would be given little but if He can trust someone with more, more will be given. I apply this mentality to the boys’ upbringing and want them to become trustworthy with the small tasks so, when they grow, God will be able to use them for great things.

 

Caveat: They still fight me about chores on many days. They don’t get that from a stranger as I fight myself on my chores many days too. On those days, I try to go back to reviewing motivations and lots of prayer. And some days we just say “the house looks reasonable so let’s take a day off.”

If you want to read some more on this topic. Kim from Not Consumed has a great post with 5 Easy Steps for Teaching Responsibility to Your Kids.