Self Care Series Step 1: Spiritual

Disclosure

I have struggled with cycles of depression since I was a teenager. I spent some of that time feeling like I was in a deep, dark cave that I would never be able to navigate out of. I spent some of that time being medicated with pharmaceutical antidepressants. I have spent many of those years coping day-to-day but feeling like I was on the edge of that cave and making one wrong move would result in me getting lost again.

I was blessed enough to have a mother with similar issues which allowed me (and her) to recognize the signs in my life and name the disorder early on. After 25 years, I’ve learned some things that have lead to more and more time in the later years spent living a life where depression is hardly more than a nuisance. I have developed some warning signs that my husband and a couple close friends recognize and a depression lifestyle protocol that helps me avoid the deepest part of the cave and live a pretty fulfilling and joy-filled life.

I have been in charge of caring for my own home for 15 years now. I have also been a mother for over 11. This journey started out with having dishes and laundry for 2 people and now I find myself coming up on 7 people living in our home, with all except 1 being here nearly 24/7 (and even that one is in and out of the house all day).

Add to that the fact that I still need to take care of myself. Pregnancies are quite a roller coaster ride for a body and new babies and toddlers take a lot out of a Mama physically and emotionally. The older my children get, the more they need me to help them develop their own good habits, skill sets, and character traits. Add on top of that the stresses of running a full time commercial dairy farm in this day and age (granted my husband does the bulk of the physical labour but we still make decisions together and I do research and finances for the business). As a cherry on top, we homeschool and are therefore responsible for … everything.

How is a Mama to keep going every day? Especially when the “enemy prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” (1Peter 5:8b NIV) (Anyone else feel like depression is a prowling enemy?)

There are very few people who can do a complete lifestyle overhaul and succeed, especially if depression keeps rearing it’s ugly head.

The answer is taking baby steps to create good habits and, when depression does start to creep in, go to the beginning and start again.

My first priority is spiritual self care. This is often one of the first things that gets dropped, unfortunately. It seems so much easier on those exhausting mornings to grab my coffee and scroll through my email or Twitter feed. It is much easier on my brain to read tidbits rather than think full thoughts for myself. I tell myself that keeping track of the news and politics is important.

Is it though?

When life gets upside down and overwhelming, the last thing anyone needs is to connect more with the chaos in our world. So I put down my devices and grab an old fashioned paper notebook and my favorite pen and start small.

It often takes just a few minutes for me to write out what I call my Praise and Prayer: a very simple bullet point list of three items I’m thankful for and three items I want to lift up in prayer. I don’t really have any rules surrounding this other than the “praise” can’t be the exact same day after day. In more difficult seasons I am thankful for things like fresh air, showered kids, and money in the budget for take out. And I pray daily for strength and wisdom to walk through the day. I pray for character traits for my children (when I look back a few years it is amazing how far God has brought them…. and me!)

When I am back in the habit of P&P, I begin reading my Bible again. Whether it is just the verse of the day in YouVersion or whether I’m feeling ambitious and attacking a Bible in a Year plan (which always takes me more than a year to get through), I slowly add this to my habit list. After a while, I try to pick at least one verse to copy into my notebook. Victoria from Creative Homekeeper has some great encouragement for writing out the Bible and it inspired me several years ago and now I can attest to the benefits of it.

When things are going well in my life and I’m feeling energetic and my mind is clear, I even add in a bit of journaling and self reflection. This often takes on a strange combination of a written prayer interspersed with random thoughts and ideas. This is one of the few areas in my life that I don’t limit to a specific format.

While my children largely feed themselves breakfast as they wake up, I do often end up with a child or two… or sometime 3 to be honest, sitting in my lap. That can get very crowded! This is why I give myself a lot of time for interruptions.

I and my younger two (currently 5yo and 2yo) are usually downstairs around 7:30am and they are my busy, bouncy boys. There is often toast or cereal on the table that lose a few bites every time they race their Tonka dump trucks past the kitchen table. We don’t officially move onto the next part of our routine until about 9am. This gives my older two time to wake up on their own and have some quiet time in their bed or on the couch with me, watching with wonder as their younger brothers fill the house with sunshine and giggles. Sometimes my 8yo makes himself a cup of tea during this time. (He is convinced he should be allowed to drink a morning coffee already so tea is his compromise.)

Side note: I am always interested in how other people structure their day so I will be sure to share in the near future about our home rhythms and how I’m attempting to create good lifelong habits in my kids. It all starts with “baby shark do do do do…”

So that about sums up what is always my first go-to habit to re-develop when life gets off the rails. I have large gaps in my P&P notebook and, even today, I don’t do it every day. But I always feel like it centers my heart and mind when I restart this habit. Reconnecting to God and remembering that putting Him first and foremost in my day always puts everything else into perspective.

Do you have a routine for your spiritual self care or is that something that you’re still trying to figure out? Please share in the comments.

Self Care Series Part 2: Body

Self Care Series Part 3: Mind

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Following God’s Call

by Tessa | Faith

Following God’s Call

Disclosure

Trying to sneak away from my toddler in the morning is difficult. He is crazy snuggly and between 5am and 6am loves to throw his soft little arms around my neck, lay his cheek against mine and hook his legs around my arm.

I would love to have the solitary and productive morning I hear other mothers talk about but it has almost never been a feasible option for me. Sleeping with my babies and toddlers has always been the priority. And keeping the kids in bed until 7am is much easier if they think Mama is sleeping.

I have been reading a couple of books lately though that have talked about thinking of alternatives to making excuses. Finding creative solutions to your problems. My problem was that I feel following God’s call leads me to write again but I had no idea how to add it to my life. Writing with kids running around is difficult as I can’t keep a full thought stream going for more than 2 sentences. Writing in the evening is difficult as my brain is fried from the day.

Enter the necessity of morning writing time. And then factor in my cuddly toddler and morning loving 5 year old.

The solution I came up with was inspired by Jamerrill from Large Family Table. She is a work at home mom of many who lives in an old farmhouse and has some amazing recipes that you should definitely check out. I was actually perusing her recipes when I came across a few blog posts she wrote about her work-at-home-mom schedule through the years. In one of these posts was a picture of her in her bed surrounded by little ones and I thought, “I could never make my bed a work zone! Wouldn’t that taint the sanctity of sleep?”

I thought, “I could never make my bed a work zone! Wouldn’t that taint the sanctity of sleep?”

I couldn’t shake that picture though. So I set a (very quiet) phone alarm to wake up a bit earlier than usual and, for the first time in years, brought my phone to the bedroom. And now, two weeks later, here I am (slowly and with one hand) typing out this post on my phone with my sleeping littlest in my arms and my morning sunshine 5yo none the wiser.

I’m more tired during the day with the earlier wake up (or perhaps that is due to the 3rd trimester pregnancy fatigue) but I have also been starting my mornings with a clearer mind because I’m able to check off an important task for my day before I even get up. That feeling of accomplishment first thing in the morning is amazing.

I come downstairs more inspired and my coffee and devotional time seems to flow quicker as my mind has already worked through the morning fog. This means I’m ready to start my morning routines with less feet dragging.

[bctt tweet=”I don’t know exactly what direction following God’s call will take me with all of this but I’ve made the commitment to put one foot in front of the other”]

I don’t know exactly what direction following God’s call will take me with all of this, but I’ve made the commitment to put one foot in front of the other on this reignited blogging journey. I do have some exciting (and scary!) ideas for the next year so stick around if you’d like to see what becomes of them.

You can sign up for my newsletter below which I hope to send out weekly with new posts and some extra encouragement or goodies.

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Unexpected Pregnancy and Unassisted Birth

by Tessa | Motherhood

Unexpected Pregnancy and Unassisted Birth

Disclosure

This is a story about my experience with unassisted pregnancy and unassisted birth. But in order to do his story justice, I need to start months before he was even conceived.

Right after my 3rd son turned two, I became pregnant. We were overjoyed as we had always wanted 4 children. We choose to keep my pregnancies secret for the first 3 months and this time was no different.

Actually, it was different. I didn’t have morning sickness or first trimester fatigue. After being sick for 7 or 8 months with my previous two pregnancies, the healthy feeling was a welcome relief. I had spent the previous two years making big changes to improve my health and I guess it helped. I called the midwife and she had an opening and was excited to take me on. there was no midwife in the area for my previous pregnancy so I had no choice but to have an unassisted birth. I felt the baby move at about 9 weeks, around the same time as his or her older brothers. It was a surreal feeling to have no morning sickness. If it wasn’t for the movement I regularly felt, I wouldn’t have believed I was even expecting. I had a pattern of a miscarriage before healthy pregnancy with my first two and, when I conceived my third son, God told me to trust Him and I felt secure in the pregnancy. That was the first time I didn’t have a miscarriage. This time I felt like He was just telling me to wait on Him.

This time I felt like He was just telling me to wait on Him.

And wait I did. I believe my heart always knew that that baby wouldn’t be with us for a long time. Around 9.5 weeks I had a bit of spotting and it started to feel like a waiting game. I waited on Him and I waited to say goodbye. I miscarried the baby at almost 11 weeks. After my first two miscarriages, I conceived on the next cycle but this time was different. Cycle after cycle came and went with nothing. Apparently God wanted me to continue waiting. Eventually I made peace with the fact it could be God’s will for us to have 3 biological children instead of 4.

After 6 pregnancies conceived after 1 try, pregnancy number 7 was an unexpected surprise after 6 months of waiting. As excited as we were, I still had that surreal feeling. I called the midwife and she was unavailable during the time I was due so I had to start wrapping my head around another unassisted pregnancy and birth. I didn’t have morning sickness. I still hadn’t felt the baby move at 10 weeks. And then not at 11 weeks. I didn’t feel pregnant. Maybe I wasn’t really willing to believe I was, just in case. The midwife, who had become a friend, was able to get me booked in for an ultrasound, as per my request, which is something I hadn’t wanted for my previous pregnancies. At 12 weeks, the day before the ultrasound. I thought I may have felt the baby move. Thankfully the ultrasound technician confirmed what my husband already trusted to be true: we were going to have a baby!

.I experienced only two weeks of morning sickness, from week 14 to 16. Though my uterus got huge (people commented how I must be excited for my Christmas baby and were shocked and embarrassed when I told them I was only 5.5 months) I didn’t have any water retention and didn’t feel like I gained as much weight as my previous children. (For the record, I did. I just carried it differently. I gained over 70lbs each pregnancy.)

I hired a doula who I met when she and I both attended my friend’s birth. She seemed a bit unsure about an unassisted pregnancy and birth but, as she got to know me better, became more comfortable with the idea. We exchanged birth resources (I have quite a home library) and swapped pregnancy and birth advice. She came to pray for me and encourage me when I ended up in the hospital at 35 weeks. (This was for a non pregnancy related incident. You can read a bit more about this experience in a post I wrote about How to Deal With Anxiety.)

I sent her a text a few weeks before my due date to let her know I had been having fairly strong pre labour contractions every evening for a week. I kept thinking, hoping, I would wake up to have a baby but they always stopped when I went to sleep. It was very similar to my first three experiences of prelabour: 3 days for my first, 5 days for my second, and 8 days for my third.

The week after I had nothing. I hoped for an early birth because I get SPD (symphisis pubis dysfunctions is a separation of the pelvic bone due to the relaxin hormone that helps your body give birth) pretty bad near the end and spent most of my day sitting on my couch so I didn’t injure myself. After 5 days of no prelabour, I figured God wanted me to keep waiting. I made peace with the fact that it would be another two weeks before I could meet my baby and be done with the SPD pain. That was Thursday morning. My doula let me know she wanted to head to the city on Friday (a drive of more than 2 hours one way) and I joked with her about bringing back 3 or 4 Ikea bookcases for me.

That evening I went to bed and snuggled with my 3 year old. I cherished his nighttime snuggles, knowing it was nearing his daddy’s turn to take over his night-time needs. He curled up around my belly and I breathed in the fresh scent of his dirt and grass infused hair.

I woke up around 4:30am to go to the bathroom. (I don’t think I mentioned another symptom I didn’t have was a baby sitting on my bladder so nighttime potty breaks weren’t a regular occurance.) Our bathroom is down the stairs and on the other end of the house so, after traipsing through the cold house, I was very ready to crawl back into my nice warm bed. I was nearly asleep again when I got what felt like a contraction. I checked the clock (it was 5am) and started timing. 6 to 7 minutes apart. I started 2 minutes apart with my third son so I figured I had lots of time but, after 3 or 4 contractions, I realized I couldn’t sleep through them. Poked my husband and told him he wouldn’t be going to work because we were going to have a baby. He mumbled and I headed downstairs. I started my contraction timer app and noticed that walking downstairs had shortened the interval to 2 to 3 minutes. I shouted up the stairs to Adam to get the pool ready and sent a text to my doula. She didn’t respond so I waited until a contraction was done and called to let her know she should probably reschedule her trip to the city. It was pretty close to 6am at this point and she was getting up anyway and lives less than ten minutes away. She came in the door and was surprised by how far into active labour I already was.

Adam was heating water on the stove and filling the pool. I was so concerned about the pool because it had a leak and I was convinced he hadn’t taped it up well enough. The hose also didn’t fit on our faucet so I was concerned about the water spraying all over the kitchen. My doula got right to work and held my hips and rubbed my back in a way that calmed me. We were joking around in between contractions and Adam was making fun of me for being so obsessed with the pool issue (that according to him wasn’t an issue at all).

Jesse, the 3 year old, came down the stairs first. He was some great comedic relief as he jumped on the mini trampoline beside me like a bouncy little energizer bunny. I love how he asked why the pool was downstairs and we told him the baby was coming and he just went with the flow. Birth is not something that kids naturally fear. Caleb and Isaac, almost-9 and 6, came downstairs right after I got into the pool. They were so quiet but so excited to see me in the pool and knew that the baby would be out soon. I thought they were quietly excited anyway. Apparently they were making fun of the noises I was making. (I’m a pretty vocal birther). Jesse was holding my cup of water and made sure to offer it every time I looked up at him. My doula was holding my hand. Adam was telling the boys to be more polite and keeping track of the water temperature and level.

So that is what the rest of them were up to while I did my thing. I am always surprised by how coherent I am, even during the final stages of labour. I laboured in the pool for a while and gave myself pep talks about how I could do this and to breathe the baby down in between contractions. During contractions I would say, out loud so everyone could hear, about how it wasn’t working and that I just wanted to be done and that I was taking too long and things didn’t seem to be progressing.

During pushing contractions my inner pep talks all but stopped as I tried to figure out why the baby wasn’t out yet and why it was taking so long. I quickly discovered the baby wasn’t in a good birthing position and I went from hands and knees to upright on my knees. He immediately went from being pushed backwards to going forwards and crowning . I told them all I didn’t know what way he was going to go, behind me where someone else would have to catch him or forward where I could grab him.

His head came out and I felt something very soft and squishy. During pregnancy I had thought he might be breech so I wondered if that was confirmation. Then I felt his eye and breathed a quick sigh of relief, knowing his head was out and the hardest push was done. It felt like ages until the next contraction came and his little body came sliding out into my waiting hands. He opened his eyes and looked straight at me the instant he was out of the water. He has been awake and moving all during labour and was totally ready to greet the world. I kept saying, “he’s MY baby!” The emphasis on “my” because he is the first of my sons that I see myself in. It felt like a little me looking back at me. He looked over my shoulder at his brothers and I said to Jesse, “he sees you.” My husband was in disbelief and asked, “it’s another boy?” That was when I realized I didnt actually know and should probably check. Sure enough, he was all boy.

Since the day my husband and I started talking about having children, we wanted 4. I always said I would rather have 4 boys than 4 girls and, over the years, my heart grew more and more fond of the idea of 4 sons. With Asher, which means “happy” in Hebrew, I felt like my heart would burst with joy at my dream coming true. He is now over a month old and I still spend most of my day on the couch, snuggling a sleeping baby or starting into the eyes of a very attentive newborn. People have asked if I’m disappointed to have only sons. I tell them I couldn’t be more happy.

A positive unassisted home water birth story

Asher was born at 7:28am and was 7lbs and 18.5 inches long. What felt like a long labour was only about 2.5 hours with only 6 pushing contractions. I thank the Lord that everything went so smoothly!

If you would like to read about my third son’s birth, it was my first unassisted pregnancy and unassisted birth and truly a spiritual birth experience.

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Introverted Unschooling

by Tessa | Homeschooling

Introverted Unschooling

Disclosure

It’s not that we don’t enjoy visiting and going out, we do, it’s just that, as an introverted mother with a couple of introverted children (and a couple of extroverts too) we enjoy staying at home too.

Late morning and my 9 year old is reading a novel beside me on the couch and my 6 and 3 year old are playing quietly in the play area with the marble run. The 4 week old is sleeping on my chest and I’m typing this out on my phone. A bit earlier the 3 bigger boys went outside while I sat on the couch with a sleeping newborn listening to podcasts (this position is the one I hold most of the time lately). The afternoon will probably look very similar, though I’ll get a nap in and maybe finish folding that basket of laundry I started with yesterday.

Our trips outside the home this week included about an hour to town for a chiropractor appointment for me and visiting friends Friday morning. That’s truly it. We didn’t go to church last Sunday and didn’t need to do groceries this week. We don’t have classes or co-ops or more than one playdate per week. And our home is filled with an incredible peace.

We don’t have classes or co-ops or more playdates. And our home is filled with an incredible peace.

Jamie from Simple Homeschool wrote a great post with 15 resolutions for being an introverted homeschool mom that I printed out at still refer to regularly. Her third resolution is about honoring the person God created you to be. I think that unschooling lends itself well to being an introvert because I don’t need to pressure my kids to do things and my main job is to facilitate and observe. My role is to learn about my children so I can parent them in the way that they need.

What is one thing that have been adding to your or your children’s schedule because you feel you “should” be doing it? Are you brave enough to let it go?

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How Can Kids Learn About Money Without Allowance?

by Tessa | Homeschooling

How Can Kids Learn About Money Without Allowance?

Disclosure

At this point, we don’t give our children allowance. Partially because our budget doesn’t allow for it and partially because we don’t see a need for it. The most common objection we hear regarding this decision is “But how can kids learn about money without allowance?”

Before I had my first son, I was in the financial services industry for several years. I taught people how to make and how to save money and sat down with a lot of people to help them figure out budgets and retirement plans. It was right up my alley as I had been tracking my own cashflow from the time I was able to count. I was pretty particular as a child and it seems to have paid off in the long run.

My husband began working outside of his family farm when he was about 13 or 14. He borrowed his dad’s quad and worked for various neighbors. He learned quickly the importance of financial planning as he wasn’t the most responsible with the quad and ended up spending a lot of money on repairs. Instead of driving saner (which would have been my first choice) he started saving a portion of his income for quad repairs so he was always prepared. He eventually saved up enough for his own quad and, a couple years later, his own brand new car.

When we got married, we had somewhat different outlooks on the final purpose of money (I was more of a ~~hoarder~~ saver and he was more of a spender) but we both understood the importance of budgets and paying bills on time and not spending money you don’t have. We may have been only 19 at the time but we set up our retirement plan and monthly budget within a couple of weeks of our wedding. That attitude has served us well over the years.

Our parents chose to talk about finances when kids were around so we heard a lot of things growing up that helped us understand how money works.

How does this roll into our parenting journey? Dinner table conversations. Our parents chose to talk about finances when kids were around so we heard a lot of things growing up that helped us understand how money works. They talked about which bill to pay when and how to make sure there was enough in the bank at harvest time to pay custom bills. We overheard conversations about whether it was best to continue fixing the old tractor or invest in a new-to-us tractor. Our parents talked about whether it was better to go into debt to invest in livestock which would make the farm money or whether we should wait until we could pay cash.

Our kids now hear many of the same conversations. As they become older and more capable, they’ll be invited into the office to help pay bills. They’ll learn how to write cheques, read balance sheets, make budgets and cashflow projections, reconcile bank accounts etc. They’ll also learn the difference between good debt and bad debt and how to figure out when to go into both. They are already around when we meet with accountants and have seen us discuss financials with my parents (whom we farm with). I know that our eldest hears everything because sometimes he asks very specific questions after our business meetings. Just yesterday he sat beside me and asked questions as I went through my weekly financial review.

[bctt tweet="Please involve your children in your finances from a young age. #unschool "]

As someone who has seen the financial state of many young families and the lack of understanding when it come to basic principles of money management, I’m reminding you to please involve your children in your finances from a young age. The best way for them to learn is to witness those principles applied in real life situations. It may feel unnatural to involve your children in something that many feel should be private, so start small. Perhaps they could stuff envelopes at bill paying time. If they are older, you could show them how to pay bills online by letting them read the statement and enter the numbers. Maybe you could put your children in charge of recording expenses. However you start, you will never regret teaching them how household money flows.

Do you have any other tips or stories to share about how kids learn about money without allowance?