R is for Revolutionize Your Parenting by Honoring Your Child’s Nature

R is for Revolutionize Your Parenting by Honoring Your Child’s Nature

Have you ever wanted a positive parenting handbook? Revolutionize your parenting by honoring your child's nature - by Aimed at the Heart

Have you been looking for a handbook that tells you exactly what your children need from you as a parent? A positive parenting handbook with practical techniques that you can implement right away? I’ve read a lot of parenting books and many of them tell you that positive parenting works better than punishing but most don’t tell you how to do it. The Child Whisperer does.

I have a close friend and, between the two of us, have four little boys within three years of each other (I’m not including my littlest in this comparison or her baby-to-be any day now). We are both passionate about mothering and read a ton of books and articles on parenting to try to understand our children and what they need from us. We try to exchange advice but what works for her kids often doesn’t work for mine and vice versa. It didn’t make any sense. If I didn’t know better, I’d say her kids are too energetic and aggressive and, if she didn’t know better, she would think my kids are too subdued and serious.

Her boys are typical “all boy” kind of kids. Loud, energetic, rambunctious, busy. Mine are the complete opposite and could be described more as quiet, sensitive, focused, detailed. Her boys run and climb all day. My boys read stories and sit on the floor playing cars all day. They are just plain different.

Through the Internet-based bunny trail, she came across a graphic (I’ll share the link later in the post) that explained our boys to a T. Actually, it explained them to their Type. I have studied a number of different methods of personality profiling and have found Energy Profiling to be the most reliable method of determining and understanding the inner workings of a person.

Here’s the cliff notes version of how the four types applies to our boys:

Type 1: The Fun Loving Child: K is 4 years old. He bounces when he walks. He has squealed with excitement since he was just a few months old. He gets super-excited when he gets to visit with friends. His interest bounces from one activity or toy to another. His emotions are the same. He bounces from excited to heartbroken to excited within the span of two minutes. He thrives in a fun and light atmosphere.

Type 2: The Sensitive Child: C is almost 6 years old. He walks so quietly that you often don’t know he’s standing right behind you. His is soft spoken and is very particular with whom he shares his thoughts. He loves long hugs and snuggles. He sometimes reads for hours a day. When he (finally) decides to clean up his toys, he will put the toys in their proper bins. He notices things that others don’t and remembers the details (like who gave him which gift when he was 3 or if the vet’s truck got new tires). A stern or angry voice can cause him to crumple and will often cry and need to be held while he sorts out his feelings. He thrives when he feels loved and connected.

Type 3: The Determined Child: D is 2.5 years old. He stomps and marches everywhere he goes. He roars just for the sake of making noise. He climbs and jumps and runs. He pushes his body to the limit and takes risks just to get his heart pumping. His emotions are explosive and he reacts quickly to whatever he is feeling and might think about the consequences of what he says and does later. He is full of fire and passion. He thrives when he can be physically active.

Type 4: The More Serious Child: Biscuit (His name starts with “I” but that just gets confusing so I’ll use his nickname instead) is 3 years old. He walks with purpose when he has a mission and allows nothing to get in his way but, if he doesn’t accept the mission laid out for him, nothing can convince him to move his feet. If someone else wants to play with him, it must be by his rules. When he gets overwhelmed around other kids, he naturally removes himself and plays independently for a while. He has the ability to focus so completely that it is difficult for him to move his attention elsewhere. He feels things intensely and does not shift through emotions easily. He thrives when he feels heard and respected.

Have you ever wanted a positive parenting handbook? Revolutionize your parenting by honoring your child's nature - by Aimed at the Heart

Does your child fall into one of those categories? Or is he/she a blend of a couple of them? Chances are that your child exhibits one of those main traits more strongly than others. If you want a little bit more information, you can view the graphic I talked about right here. While the overview graphic is great, the real meat and potatoes is in the book. Read the book with the hope to understand your children more, and walk away with practical discipline and communication techniques for your children. It if filled with tips to overcome issues that you have with them as well as understanding issues they have within themselves. There are sections explaining how to apply the knowledge of your child’s type to any stage of life you’re in, from birth to adulthood. It truly is a handbook that you’ll want to refer to time and time again.

If I could recommend that every parent read one parenting book (excluding the Bible because that is so much more than a parenting book), this is the book I would recommend. It comes in Kindle format but I would recommend the paperback because, once purchased, you can go to the website and send an email to claim bonus offers of the audio version, eBook, and a free parenting webinar and video profiling course. Last, but not least, I want you do know that I was in no way asked or compensated for this review and recommendation. I just want to share all the amazing information that I’ve learned through this process and want other parents to benefit from knowing the nature of their children. *The links in the article are affiliate links so I may make a small referral commission (at no extra cost to you) if you choose to purchase through the link.*

P is for Playdough: Pursuing a Child’s Heart

P is for Playdough: Pursuing a Child’s Heart

How I'm pursuing the hearts of my children through playdough

It isn’t hard to make play dough. It uses very few ingredients and takes only about 10 minutes from start to finish and provides countless hours of fun for my kids. So why do I make such a big deal over it?

I asked myself these questions last week as I watched my boys try to stick together play dough that was half dried out and kept falling apart.

My list of excuses:
I’m so tired today.
I’ll make some later today.
l doubt I have the right ingredients.
They will want to help and I’ll have a big mess to clean up.
They are still enjoying the crumbly stuff.

The truth:
I’m tired everyday.
I most likely wouldn’t get around to it later.
I probably do have ingredients and the least I could do is check.
So? There is going to be mess made today anyway If not in the kitchen, then in other areas of the house.
It would make them so happy to have new playdough that is easier for them to build things with.

As I had that inner dialogue and shot down each of my own excuses, I prayed. I asked God for the energy and oomph to to get out of the rocking chair, lay down my sleeping baby (and be okay with the fact that he would likely wake up sooner than if I was holding him) and go to my kitchen. I don’t always listen to God’s prompting but then I was reminded by a still, small Voice that, last month, I made a commitment to pursue the hearts of my children.

So I did it.

I’m sure there was just as much cheering in Heaven as there was in my house when the boys discovered what I was doing. Cheering for their happiness as well as cheering for my small triumph. God even blessed me with Baby Bear sleeping in his seat for awhile so I resisted the temptation to check a few things off of my to do list so I could play with my bigger boys. After I had rocked Baby Bear back to sleep, I had the entertainment of 2 little boys and their creative imaginations:

There were 10 invisible puppies involved who lived in the wall and got a ride to town for ice cream in Bumblebee and Heatwave (affiliate link to a couple of my kids’ favorite gifts from this past Christmas). Biscuit even asked the puppies to help him put the playdough away at tidy time. He held the bag open for them to put the playdough in. It was great in theory but then the puppies jumped in the bag instead. They only came out to jump on Papa Bear’s head and eat ice cream. The puppies have visited every day since then and continue to be a great source of imaginative play, even without the playdough.

Another benefit of making playdough that day is the renewed motivation it gave me to spend purposeful time with my children, in their world. They have asked me more often these last days to play with them. And I’ve been saying “yes” more often (though I did have to draw the line at digging in the giant snow pile because it just doesn’t seem safe to do that with Baby Bear in the sling).

I’m pursuing the hearts of my children by having a daily focus time, joining them in whatever they are playing. And you know what? I’m relearning how to play and it’s kind of fun!

What kind of play have you joined your children in lately?

O is for Overcome Imperfect Parenting

O is for Overcome Imperfect Parenting

There is hope! Overcome Imperfect Parenting. My parents screwed up when they were raising me. They yelled at me and spanked me (a couple times). They disrespected my thoughts and opinions. I was raised by imperfect parents, and it affected me and my ability to parent. I’ve screwed up already with raising my boys.

I did not like my kids last night. Both C and Biscuit. I got so mad at them for their disobedience and the way they were treating each other. It was the end of the day, I was tired, and I reacted poorly. And then I looked at Baby Bear sleeping contentedly on my chest and felt my heart burst with peace and love for him. He’s perfect. He adores me. I can easily fill all of his needs. He’s quiet and never talks back or disobeys me. But it won’t last. It’s a scary thought that one day I will probably feel that all-to-familiar anger toward him as well.

I’m a sinner, raised by sinners, raising sinners. It’s a recipe for disaster.

The truth is that perfection is impossible. Thankfully, God doesn’t require perfection from us. Instead, He gives us grace. Grace: the free and unmerited power to save a person from sins. My boys will overcome the things that I do wrong with them, just like I am overcoming the things my parents did wrong with me. Through God’s grace. God overcame sin so we didn’t have to. This doesn’t give us permission to damage our children by the way we parent, rather, it allows us the freedom to allow the Holy Spirit to work through us. We are free to parent the way that He has called us to. He will be made perfect in our weakness.

We need to admit we aren’t perfect and stop believing the lie that we need to be. Admit that we make mistakes, even admit to our children that we are just as much sinners as they are. Ask them for forgiveness when we mess up.

The shackles of our ancestors and upbringing exist. Sin exists. We will always battle it but, praise the Lord, we do not battle alone. We can overcome imperfect parenting. The outcome is not of our doing. It is by the grace of God that we have happy, adjusted children. There is hope for them, in spite of our imperfections.

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G is for Increasing Gentleness Toward My Children

G is for Increasing Gentleness Toward My Children

A simple way to increase the level of gentleness in your home and family - Aimed at the Heart

One of our household mantras go like this:
How do we behave?
Polite and Gentle and show each other Love.

We first started this when my oldest was learning how to properly pronounce an “L.” It encouraged him to repeat words with the “L” at the beginning, middle, and end of the word. It was an added bonus that it also included a character lesson.

In spite of the fact that my boys are typically less rambunctious in their play than one would expect from boys their age, we do have a tendency toward more intensity when it comes to emotions. With the addition of another little boy to our family last week (more on that later), we are in the midst of the extra dose of fatigue and attempts at finding a new family rhythm. Gentleness is a habit that we need to get back into.

One of the things that has helped serve as a reminder for gentleness was to light a candle and say a prayer for my home.  C and Biscuit help me light (or remind me to light) the candle and I explain why I’m lighting it and pray out loud for peace in our home and gentleness toward each other. I love having a visual (and scented!) reminder and we hold each other accountable treating each other with love. Yes, I allow my children to call me out when I treat them unacceptably.

I know that there are a lot more ways to increase the habit of gentleness but I’m starting with my candle and prayer. It’s simple. And, with a newborn in my arms, simple is about as good as I can do!

Do you have any other simple ways for increasing gentleness in yourself and your children?

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Does Unschooling Actually Work?

Does Unschooling Actually Work?

A perfect example of how unschooled kids actually do learn everything they need to know. Does unschooling actually work? - Aimed at the Heart

My oldest son has known his letters and their sounds since before he was three. But couldn’t count for the life of him. I knew it would come eventually. My husband and I giggle about the fact that the first day he counted to 5 (at about age 5) his little brother was right beside him (at just over two) and counted to 10! We reminded ourselves to trust God’s design for him.

A few mornings ago, he was awake at 5:30am and just laid in bed, quietly. I asked why he didn’t go back to sleep. He told me he was practicing his counting. I asked him why and his response was simply that that he wanted to learn his numbers. I believe it is so he can recognize cow numbers so he can be a better helper for his daddy and Opa (my dad).

He recently started counting everything. He’s 5.5 and can finally count to 10! And count 10 items and recognize all sorts of other numbers between 1-100. Tonight he was even doing addition and subtraction with his dinner (he had 7 nuggets and ate 3 so he had four left, things like that).

I just wanted to share because, to my husband and me, this is such an amazing example of how our kids will figure out what they need to know in their lives/interests and then pursue it.

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