F is for Fatigue: How to Survive on Interrupted Sleep

Disclosure

Many cultures don’t ever question night wakings the way that North America does. They expect kids to be waking during the night until after age three!

Mama Fatigue: How to survive on interrupted sleep

But in all of the parenting and breastfeeding support forums and groups that I am a part of, the number one subject of concerns is based around sleep. Mom is tired; baby is waking frequently; baby won’t fall asleep on his/her own; baby won’t sleep alone; and the list goes on.

I’m not going to tell you how to get your baby to sleep. I subscribe to the “wait it out” philosophy. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: all babies sleep…. eventually.

“But you don’t know my baby! She’s 8/14/18 months old and still waking every two hours. I can’t survive like this!”

Yes, you can. And you will. Generations of mothers have done it before you and generations of mothers will survive it after you.

Let me tell you about an adorable little boy who people said had “sleep problems”:

He nursed every 1-2 hours, round the clock. He only ever slept if he was in someone’s arms. Even during the night. He awoke as soon as he was laid down. He never slept more than a two hour stretch, or went more than two hours between needing breastmilk (from the source or expressed), until he was 18 months old. He “finally” went to sleep without nursing down when he was about 2.5 years old. At that point he learned to nap on his own during the day, though he still needed to be in someone’s arms at night. He was about 3.5 years old when he was “finally” able to sleep on his own but he still woke 2-3 times per night, every night. So he slept in a bed right next to his Daddy to make it easier to settle him back down quickly. At around age 4 he started to go to bed consistently at about 8pm, instead of his usual 10-11pm. He still woke 1-2 times per night. At 4.5 years old he asked if he could have his own room. And he started going to bed at 7:30 every night and slept a full 12 hours, with no night wakings. He has never had any of the regular nighttime fears (dark, monsters, being alone etc) and bedtime is never a struggle. He has never cried himself to sleep and has never been sleep trained.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: all babies sleep…. eventually.

Once you accept the fact that your baby/toddler/preschooler is normal and his/her night waking are completely normal, how do you survive on interrupted sleep?

Here’s what I’ve learned about how to survive on interrupted sleep:

Napping

I took every single nap with my oldest until he was 6 months and then I went down to about two naps per day, a 9-10pm bedtime, and sleeping/dozing/nursing as long as I could in the morning. It meant I scheduled my days around my naps for a long time (he would nap anywhere, as long as he was in my arms) but it was what I needed to do to stay health and sanity.

With my second, napping was a bit different. I found I adjusted to the lack of sleep much quicker, which helped. My oldest napped once per day until his brother was just over a year. So after that I would put the baby down and turn on a show for my oldest. He would sit with my while I dozed on the couch. Confession here: I also started drinking coffee more regularly when my oldest quit napping. I still went to bed as early as I could and slept as late as I could.

Quiet time

Now I have no nappers and am pregnant. First trimester fatigue just about did me in! I would send the boys to play and just doze on the couch, or I would turn a show on and give them a snack while I napped. I was never really big on TV for my kids but Netflix has probably saved my health by allowing me a bit of midday quiet! About half the time I can also make a fort out of the bunk bed or under the kitchen table and I set the kids in there with a couple books and they will sit until the timer goes off. Or, when Mama “forgets” to set the timer, they will sometimes enjoy their fort and quiet time for over an hour! If you’re interested in more specific details, here’s great article on how to get establish a quiet time.

Do Less

I also make the choice to stay home a lot more than many moms I know. I choose not to get overly involved in everything so that I can take care of my health and get my kids used to a regular quiet time (which I’m guessing will be really handy when the baby comes).

Focus on Health

Also vitamin b complex and iron are my good friends (this is not medical advice, look into supplements yourself if you think your body may be lacking). And, again, a regular bed time is critical. Crystal from Money Saving Mom has “make sleep a priority” as her number one tip in her 15 Ways to Have More Energy series. I completely agree.

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Take heart, Mama. You can and will survive this. Believe it or not, your body is designed to adjust to this interrupted sleep pattern. While you are in this season of your life, turn around the clock, let go of unrealistic expectations (of yourself and your child), and decide to accept the fact that you have been called to this role and that you are fully equipped to make it through.

If you are a mom who has made it through the years of interrupted sleep, leave some words of encouragement for those mothers who are “in the trenches,” so to speak.

If you are an exhausted mother, I’m starting into season/child number 3 any day now (hopefully!) and will be right there in the trenches with you! Are you willing to turn around the clock and ignore the calendar to make the commitment to meet your child’s needs until they are outgrown?

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Quick Tips: Bedsharing, Breastfeeding, Babywearing, Birth

by Tessa | Motherhood

There are way to many great topics to cover when it comes to the letter “B.” It was so difficult for me to choose just one! So I didn’t. Here’s my “quick tips” for mothers to cover a few of my favorite “B” topics:

Bedsharing: It can be a great way for a breastfeeding mother to get more sleep. Some moms find that it works best with baby in a cradle/crib beside the bed so they can easily grab the baby when needed. Others find that they can get a bed rail or push their bed against a wall to eliminate the falling hazard. Still others (my family included) take a side of the crib and “side-car” the crib to the bed.

Bedsharing has way to many benefits to list (trust me, people have written whole entire books full of the mental, emotional, and physical benefits to the mother, baby, and the entire rest of the family!) but the two typical ones that are focused on are to enhance the breastfeeding relationship and allow the mother more sleep. (Whether you’re bed-sharing or not, here are some great tips on how to survive on interrupted sleep.)

Sleeping near/with baby means you will produce more milk due to the physical closeness and the frequency of relaxed nursing. It also means that your sleep cycles will sync. In other words, you will both enter that light stage of sleep at the same time and you’ll find that you wake up seconds before your child does. You’ll wake up at a natural part of your sleep cycle so, even if you’re waking several times in the night, you will be more refreshed in the morning than if you had to be interrupted our of a deep sleep to walk to another room to tend to your child. Here’s a post I read a while back about one mom’s journey with the family bed.

Breastfeeding: One of the most important tips to having a successful breastfeeding relationship is to get good support. Husbands are often the number one determining factor of the success and duration of a mother/child breastfeeding relationship. Another great place to get support for your breastfeeding relationship is through La Leche League. The leaders are not only trained to give information and support for breastfeeding, they are also mothers who have been there and done that. They are able to draw off of their personal experience as well as the experiences of many other mothers. Besides all the health benefits of breastfeeding, it has a myriad of emotional benefits to mom and baby too. These benefits apply no matter the age of your nursling. (Great breastfeeding sites are La Leche League International and Kelly Mom)

Babywearing: You can never carry your baby too much. There are a variety of carriers to choose from so find something that works for your body and carrying style. My favorite is the ring sling. I love it because it’s simple to use (both my mom and my mother-in-law figured it out on their own!), portable (takes up very little space in my diaper bag), easy on and off (great for when toddlers want up and down), cooler in the summer, (less fabric than other carriers), simple to nurse in (just loosen a bit and scootch baby into position), and easy to take off when baby is still in it (so as not to disturb them when you want to lay them down while sleeping).

Interesting fact: carried time counts as tummy time. Babywearing enhances breastfeeding and milk production, encourages bonding, reduces post partum depression, increases baby’s balance and core strength, and results in a more content baby. (Here is an article that goes into benefits in more depth)

Birth: I can’t cover baby B’s without adding a quick tip for birth to the list. Quick tip: Get a midwife if you can and hire a doula. A doula’s support can be invaluable during labour (to both you and your husband) and can make the difference between having a positive birth experience and a negative one. Also, learn about birth from positive sources that believe in a woman’s ability to grow and birth her baby. Here is part one to a post that I wrote recently on the True Journey of Natural Labour and Birth. And here is part two. Birth is an amazing and beautiful journey for a woman to go through.

If you’re interested in some more great reading on these topics, check out some of the links on my Pinterest Board: Birth, Breastfeeding, and Infant Sleep or my Positive and Attachment Parenting Board. (Just a note: you do not need a Pinterest account to view the boards.)

What are your favorite quick tips and facts about the Baby “B”s?

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Attitude Towards Mothering – Blogging Through the Alphabet

by Tessa | Motherhood

I’ve decided to join Marcy from Ben and Me on her journey of blogging through the alphabet. Every Monday, from A until Z, I hope to be linking up with her. Make sure that you check out the whole link up party every week because there are going to be many other great posts to check out.

Though I may not be the most experienced mother out there, I have met incredible mothers on the tail end of the journey and, through their insights, I do believe I have discovered a secret to mothering: it’s all about a person’s attitude towards mothering. Some believe that children should be seen and not heard, and they are completely shocked when their baby cries. Some believe that all babies should respond the same way to the same thing, and they are shocked when their baby turns out different than their friends’ babies. Some believe that all babies should be doing this or that by a specific age and they are proud when their baby is “ahead” or ashamed when their baby is “behind.”

Isn’t it interesting that we understand that every adult is different and has different skills, interests, and gifts, yet we expect all our children to fit into a specific mold? We have some ridiculous expectations of our children and babies and, to be honest, it can get very stressful when you try to meet all of them.

Here are some universal truths about babies and becoming a mother:

1. Your baby will need you and you are capable of meeting those needs (even if sometimes it feels like they need more than you can give).
2. Your baby will learn how to walk…. eventually.
3. Your baby will learn to sleep longer stretches….. eventually. Have you ever met a teenager who doesn’t like his/her sleep?
4. Your baby will learn to speak…..eventually. Some babies are more vocal than others and some are less. Much like some adults are more vocal than others and some are less.
5. Your baby will cry. (See point #4)
6. Your baby will be out of diapers…. eventually.
7. Your baby will get sick. A cold or fever isn’t the end of the world.
8. You will be tired. Recognize this fact and realize that, as much as it sucks, fatigue is not the end of the world. You are not entitled to 8 solid hours of sleep per night. You will impress yourself with how many years you can not only survive but learn to thrive off of interrupted sleep.

Get rid of preconceived notions about what your baby (or toddler, preschooler, school aged child, etc) should be doing. Relax and just go with the flow. Stop comparing to books and charts and, especially, to other babies you know. Your baby is unique and will therefore choose his/her own unique growth and development curve. The only one that your baby should be compared to is him/herself. Is progress being made? Why or why not?

Make the decision that when you hit a rough patch, it isn’t because your baby is broken or you are incapable of caring for him/her. It is because there are ups and downs in everyone’s life, including your baby’s.

Good news for when you’re in a rough patch: This is a phase, this too shall pass.
Bad news for when things are flowing smoothly: This is a phase, this too shall pass.

The biggest challenge is to develop an attitude towards mothering that will see you through all the highs and lows.

Step 1: Commit. You’re in for the long haul so you can either choose to be miserable for the long haul or choose to appreciate the beauty that comes with this wonderful privilege of mothering.

Step 2: Listen to your Baby. I’m not advocating that you ignore medical advice, or even advice from well meaning loved ones, but I am advocating that you listen to your child first and foremost. The more you listen to your mother’s intuition from the beginning, the more you’ll be able to discern whether someone’s advice applies to you and your situation.

Step 3: Seek encouragement. Find a friend, or group of friends, who will encourage you to listen to your baby instead of to them. Keep in mind that encouragement and advice are two very different things. Most moms already know what they should be doing and just need to be encouraged to do it.

There’s a simple 3 step plan to developing an attitude towards mothering that will put you on a significantly smoother path than comparisons and unrealistic expectations will.

What is one of the biggest preconceived notions that you have had to let go of since becoming a mother?
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