Habits.

Discipline.

Change.

Scary words for many people. As someone who struggles with depression and anxiety, I feel the exact same way. And anyone coming from a point of overwhelm (and let’s be real, far too many moms get stuck in overwhelm!) is going to have a hard time setting big goals because they will just add to the overwhelm. So the question is how to form habits without getting defeated, feeling intimidated or becomeing even more overwhelmed? 

(If you’re interested, check out my post to read more about How to Deal With Anxiety.)

I have always felt like there is a part of me that should be able to do more. Be more. There are so many people out there who can handle so much more than me so why can’t I? So many other people have success in shaping their lives through discipline and habits and hard work, why not me?

Have you ever felt like you are just watching all these people who seem to have things together and wondering “why not me?”

Making Excuses

I am a queen of excuse making. I joke about how I can justify anything.

Chocolate? It has iron and I’m often bordering on deficiency.
Popcorn twists? It’s the one of the few things I can eat while dealing with morning sickness so they can’t be that bad.
Being a couch potato? My baby needs to nurse frequently and, when she isn’t nursing, the toddler needs lots of hugs and cuddles too. So I’m not being lazy, I’m meeting needs a building relationships.
Reading instead of doing laundry? I need to get more education on how to improve my housekeeping skills and systems.

It is actually an unfortunate “skill” that I use far too often to prevent myself from getting ahead. In the book Do It Scared by Ruth Soukup there is a whole chapter dedicated to making excuses. The lesson I took away from that chapter is that a good excuse is still just an excuse.

Since reading that, I’ve started trying to justify why my excuses don’t actually make sense. Arguing the other side of the coin, so to speak.

How to Reframe Excuses

Excuse: My energy level and back injury make most exercise choices and routines impossible.
Reframe: What CAN I do with my current energy level and back pain?

Excuse: My kids make messes faster than I can clean them up so why bother starting?
Reframe: I don’t need to do it all but what is one thing I can focus on?

Excuse: I can’t pursue my hobbies because my kids, marriage, and home take all my time and energy.
Reframe: I manage to find time to read a bit or scroll through social media and volunteer at church so how can I break down my hobby into 10-15 minute increments and redirect my mind toward it?

As mothers, it is so easy to get caught up in putting out fires all day.

If you are a homeschooling mother or mother of young ones you are also pushing your kids through their routines all day.

Then throw in the perpetual guilt about that laundry pile that you “should” be tackling instead of doing something productive for yourself.

The new year just passed and many people try to set resolutions but, let’s be honest: no one ever follows through on those things, right? Yup. It’s not just you. 80% of resolutions get dropped within the first month.

So instead of focusing on unattainable resolutions, take some time to think of good habits you would like to develop instead. Think about what you would like to change in your life to bring a sense of peace to your home or a feeling of accomplishment.

Then break it down and find just one small habit that would get you one step closer.

Then all that’s left is finding a system to help you keep track of where you’re at.

System Options

Habit Tracker Sticker chart

I am an avid user of sticker charts for my kids. They have boxes and clip art and putting a pretty sticker on the chart is a small reward in itself. I figured if it worked for them then it might work for me too. So, in the past, I made myself a sticker chart. I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy filling in the boxes with stickers. It wasn’t complicated. Just a table in MS Word with stock clip art. But it was colorful and fun to use.

Habit Tracker Scorecard

Lisa Canning, author of The Possibility Mom, talks about the scorecard. I believe she actually borrowed the idea from a different book but she is the one who showed me the template. It looks a bit overwhelming but it can be used digitally or it can be printed out and hung in a place you look everyday. All you do is read it a few times a day and check the box. Not as visually appealing as the sticker chart but it works just as well.

Habit Tracker Phone App

There is always an app for that, isn’t there? I currently use an app called Loop – Habit Tracker, which is only available on Android but I know there are many other good apps as well. I almost always have my phone available and often look at it during the day anyway so I decided to make it my friend instead of my distraction. I do not have any social media on it and have made a whole screen dedicated to habit widgets. (For those who have Apple devices, widgets are the number 1 feature you’re missing out on!) Several times a day I flip to this screen to see which boxes I have yet to check. I color coded to make it more visually appealing and use it just like I did my sticker chart or score card. There are many fancier apps out there but making it simple to see the habit and progress is a key factor in a habit tracking system. It is either checked or not checked and refreshes every day.

Focus one one day at a time. Put one foot in front of the other. Choose one small habit to move you forward. You don’t need to start with overwhelming goals in which you don’t control the results. Focus instead on what you can do: just do the next right thing.

If you’ve always wondered how you can form habits, the next right step is to print out the free Habit Workbook I designed which will walk you through the habit setting process step by step. It also includes a printable habit tracker to track several habits that you can add to as you get better at changing habits.