by Tessa | Motherhood
It isn’t hard to make play dough. It uses very few ingredients and takes only about 10 minutes from start to finish and provides countless hours of fun for my kids. So why do I make such a big deal over it?
I asked myself these questions last week as I watched my boys try to stick together play dough that was half dried out and kept falling apart.
My list of excuses:
I’m so tired today.
I’ll make some later today.
l doubt I have the right ingredients.
They will want to help and I’ll have a big mess to clean up.
They are still enjoying the crumbly stuff.
The truth:
I’m tired everyday.
I most likely wouldn’t get around to it later.
I probably do have ingredients and the least I could do is check.
So? There is going to be mess made today anyway If not in the kitchen, then in other areas of the house.
It would make them so happy to have new playdough that is easier for them to build things with.
As I had that inner dialogue and shot down each of my own excuses, I prayed. I asked God for the energy and oomph to to get out of the rocking chair, lay down my sleeping baby (and be okay with the fact that he would likely wake up sooner than if I was holding him) and go to my kitchen. I don’t always listen to God’s prompting but then I was reminded by a still, small Voice that, last month, I made a commitment to pursue the hearts of my children.
So I did it.
I’m sure there was just as much cheering in Heaven as there was in my house when the boys discovered what I was doing. Cheering for their happiness as well as cheering for my small triumph. God even blessed me with Baby Bear sleeping in his seat for awhile so I resisted the temptation to check a few things off of my to do list so I could play with my bigger boys. After I had rocked Baby Bear back to sleep, I had the entertainment of 2 little boys and their creative imaginations:
There were 10 invisible puppies involved who lived in the wall and got a ride to town for ice cream in Bumblebee
and Heatwave
(affiliate link to a couple of my kids’ favorite gifts from this past Christmas). Biscuit even asked the puppies to help him put the playdough away at tidy time. He held the bag open for them to put the playdough in. It was great in theory but then the puppies jumped in the bag instead. They only came out to jump on Papa Bear’s head and eat ice cream. The puppies have visited every day since then and continue to be a great source of imaginative play, even without the playdough.
Another benefit of making playdough that day is the renewed motivation it gave me to spend purposeful time with my children, in their world. They have asked me more often these last days to play with them. And I’ve been saying “yes” more often (though I did have to draw the line at digging in the giant snow pile because it just doesn’t seem safe to do that with Baby Bear in the sling).
I’m pursuing the hearts of my children by having a daily focus time, joining them in whatever they are playing. And you know what? I’m relearning how to play and it’s kind of fun!
What kind of play have you joined your children in lately?
by Tessa | Motherhood
My parents screwed up when they were raising me. They yelled at me and spanked me (a couple times). They disrespected my thoughts and opinions. I was raised by imperfect parents, and it affected me and my ability to parent. I’ve screwed up already with raising my boys.
I did not like my kids last night. Both C and Biscuit. I got so mad at them for their disobedience and the way they were treating each other. It was the end of the day, I was tired, and I reacted poorly. And then I looked at Baby Bear sleeping contentedly on my chest and felt my heart burst with peace and love for him. He’s perfect. He adores me. I can easily fill all of his needs. He’s quiet and never talks back or disobeys me. But it won’t last. It’s a scary thought that one day I will probably feel that all-to-familiar anger toward him as well.
I’m a sinner, raised by sinners, raising sinners. It’s a recipe for disaster.
The truth is that perfection is impossible. Thankfully, God doesn’t require perfection from us. Instead, He gives us grace. Grace: the free and unmerited power to save a person from sins. My boys will overcome the things that I do wrong with them, just like I am overcoming the things my parents did wrong with me. Through God’s grace. God overcame sin so we didn’t have to. This doesn’t give us permission to damage our children by the way we parent, rather, it allows us the freedom to allow the Holy Spirit to work through us. We are free to parent the way that He has called us to. He will be made perfect in our weakness.
We need to admit we aren’t perfect and stop believing the lie that we need to be. Admit that we make mistakes, even admit to our children that we are just as much sinners as they are. Ask them for forgiveness when we mess up.
The shackles of our ancestors and upbringing exist. Sin exists. We will always battle it but, praise the Lord, we do not battle alone. We can overcome imperfect parenting. The outcome is not of our doing. It is by the grace of God that we have happy, adjusted children. There is hope for them, in spite of our imperfections.
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by Tessa | Motherhood
In my “blogging through the alphabet series,” I didn’t get my “H” post up last week. I have about two thirds of it written but never got it finished. I’ve been busy. Busy doing nothing. Or, to be more precise, busy doing the most important thing in the world: mothering.
He is about 3 weeks old and has been excellent at keeping me completely and utterly distracted, in the best possible way. I’m completely infatuated with my newborn. A friend told me when I had my second that it’s a good thing I tore during the delivery because it forced me to spend a lot of time just sitting and allowing my body to recover. I understand the importance of that “laying in period” now, more than ever. The delivery was amazing and, except for fatigue and some lingering hip pain from the pregnancy, I felt good as new right after I had him. My husband regularly reminds me that I’ve just had a baby and should be acting accordingly.
How does a new mama need to act?
Sit on the couch and adore your baby. Memorize his hairline, the shape of his eyes, the way he forms his mouth into the sweetest little straight-mouthed smirk when he smiles. Let the laundry sit, unfolded, in baskets and let your other kids run around in pyjamas all day. Eat grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch every day and accept any and all meals that your mom is willing to make for you. Take a break from outside the home commitments and don’t allow guilt to set in for being out of touch with the world and community you are typically involved in. Go to bed early every night and sleep in as long as your baby and other children will let you.
I’ve been truly enjoying the newest addition to my family and my heart could burst with how blessed I feel with the gift of a third son. My other boys practically cheered when they woke up to find that our long-awaited baby was, in fact, another brother. My husband can’t believe that he gets to be the first in his family for like two generations to have more than two sons.
So “hi” to my readers and my online blogging friends and my real life friends. I’m still around and I’m doing well, but I’ve been busy. I planned to upload a picture of my adorable little mister but my software is currently holding my photos ransom. He’s pretty cute.
I’m not sure how “on the ball” I’m going to be the next while with my blog so I’m asking for your patience as I figure out this new life rhythm. Meanwhile, you can subscribe to my blog so you don’t miss a single post.
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by Tessa | Motherhood
F is for Fatigue: How to Survive on Interrupted Sleep
Many cultures don’t ever question night wakings the way that North America does. They expect kids to be waking during the night until after age three!
But in all of the parenting and breastfeeding support forums and groups that I am a part of, the number one subject of concerns is based around sleep. Mom is tired; baby is waking frequently; baby won’t fall asleep on his/her own; baby won’t sleep alone; and the list goes on.
I’m not going to tell you how to get your baby to sleep. I subscribe to the “wait it out” philosophy. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: all babies sleep…. eventually.
“But you don’t know my baby! She’s 8/14/18 months old and still waking every two hours. I can’t survive like this!”
Yes, you can. And you will. Generations of mothers have done it before you and generations of mothers will survive it after you.
Let me tell you about an adorable little boy who people said had “sleep problems”:
He nursed every 1-2 hours, round the clock. He only ever slept if he was in someone’s arms. Even during the night. He awoke as soon as he was laid down. He never slept more than a two hour stretch, or went more than two hours between needing breastmilk (from the source or expressed), until he was 18 months old. He “finally” went to sleep without nursing down when he was about 2.5 years old. At that point he learned to nap on his own during the day, though he still needed to be in someone’s arms at night. He was about 3.5 years old when he was “finally” able to sleep on his own but he still woke 2-3 times per night, every night. So he slept in a bed right next to his Daddy to make it easier to settle him back down quickly. At around age 4 he started to go to bed consistently at about 8pm, instead of his usual 10-11pm. He still woke 1-2 times per night. At 4.5 years old he asked if he could have his own room. And he started going to bed at 7:30 every night and slept a full 12 hours, with no night wakings. He has never had any of the regular nighttime fears (dark, monsters, being alone etc) and bedtime is never a struggle. He has never cried himself to sleep and has never been sleep trained.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: all babies sleep…. eventually.
Once you accept the fact that your baby/toddler/preschooler is normal and his/her night waking are completely normal,
how do you survive on interrupted sleep?
Here’s what I’ve learned about how to survive on interrupted sleep:
Napping
I took every single nap with my oldest until he was 6 months and then I went down to about two naps per day, a 9-10pm bedtime, and sleeping/dozing/nursing as long as I could in the morning. It meant I scheduled my days around my naps for a long time (he would nap anywhere, as long as he was in my arms) but it was what I needed to do to stay health and sanity.
With my second, napping was a bit different. I found I adjusted to the lack of sleep much quicker, which helped. My oldest napped once per day until his brother was just over a year. So after that I would put the baby down and turn on a show for my oldest. He would sit with my while I dozed on the couch. Confession here: I also started drinking coffee more regularly when my oldest quit napping. I still went to bed as early as I could and slept as late as I could.
Quiet time
Now I have no nappers and am pregnant. First trimester fatigue just about did me in! I would send the boys to play and just doze on the couch, or I would turn a show on and give them a snack while I napped. I was never really big on TV for my kids but Netflix has probably saved my health by allowing me a bit of midday quiet! About half the time I can also make a fort out of the bunk bed or under the kitchen table and I set the kids in there with a couple books and they will sit until the timer goes off. Or, when Mama “forgets” to set the timer, they will sometimes enjoy their fort and quiet time for over an hour! If you’re interested in more specific details, here’s great article on how to get establish a quiet time.
Do Less
I also make the choice to stay home a lot more than many moms I know. I choose not to get overly involved in everything so that I can take care of my health and get my kids used to a regular quiet time (which I’m guessing will be really handy when the baby comes).
Focus on Health
Also vitamin b complex and iron are my good friends (this is not medical advice, look into supplements yourself if you think your body may be lacking). And, again, a regular bed time is critical. Crystal from Money Saving Mom has “make sleep a priority” as her number one tip in her 15 Ways to Have More Energy series. I completely agree.
Take heart, Mama. You can and will survive this. Believe it or not, your body is designed to adjust to this interrupted sleep pattern. While you are in this season of your life, turn around the clock, let go of unrealistic expectations (of yourself and your child), and decide to accept the fact that you have been called to this role and that you are fully equipped to make it through.
If you are a mom who has made it through the years of interrupted sleep, leave some words of encouragement for those mothers who are “in the trenches,” so to speak.
If you are an exhausted mother, I’m starting into season/child number 3 any day now (hopefully!) and will be right there in the trenches with you! Are you willing to turn around the clock and ignore the calendar to make the commitment to meet your child’s needs until they are outgrown?
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by Tessa | Motherhood
My oldest son has known his letters and their sounds since before he was three. But couldn’t count for the life of him. I knew it would come eventually. My husband and I giggle about the fact that the first day he counted to 5 (at about age 5) his little brother was right beside him (at just over two) and counted to 10! We reminded ourselves to trust God’s design for him.
A few mornings ago, he was awake at 5:30am and just laid in bed, quietly. I asked why he didn’t go back to sleep. He told me he was practicing his counting. I asked him why and his response was simply that that he wanted to learn his numbers. I believe it is so he can recognize cow numbers so he can be a better helper for his daddy and Opa (my dad).
He recently started counting everything. He’s 5.5 and can finally count to 10! And count 10 items and recognize all sorts of other numbers between 1-100. Tonight he was even doing addition and subtraction with his dinner (he had 7 nuggets and ate 3 so he had four left, things like that).
I just wanted to share because, to my husband and me, this is such an amazing example of how our kids will figure out what they need to know in their lives/interests and then pursue it.
