I don’t often require childcare for my children but, when I do, I know where to find it. If I’m desperate (like the time my friend called to tell me she was in labour and I needed to get to her house right away) I know who I can call. If I need help folding laundry, I know who to ask. I know who would be willing and able to bring my family a meal if I was sick and unable to cook. I even put out a request recently to one of my local groups to help support a friend in her business and the result was absolutely incredible! I have built some pretty amazing friendships in this area and have never had to feel like I’m in this battle journey of motherhood alone.
The value of support has really hit home this last week for two reasons: First, it occurred to me that we could be moving as soon as 2-3 weeks; and second, a mom posted in a local group about how she didn’t feel like she had the support and encouragement she needs. (The group really stepped up with such an accepting and non-judgemental attitude that I believe this wonderful Mama found the love and support she was missing.)
I know that many of my friendships will stay strong even after I move away but things will change. They physically will not be able to support me in the same way (and I won’t be able to support them in the same way either, which is an even harder thought!). There is something to be said for having a neighbor nearby that you can count on.
Though I’m a little nervous about reaching out and developing a whole new local support system, I need to make it a priority.
A local support community isn’t something that just happens. Bake a pie, head over to your neighbors’ house and introduce yourself. Take some time to get to know them and learn what’s important to them. Then offer help with no expectations that they will return the favour because, in most cases, they won’t. And that’s okay. Because most people don’t even understand what community is anymore. If you want community, you need to show those around you what a community is. Community is about going the extra mile to make someone else’s life easier. Keep doing that and you’ll eventually stumble upon someone with the same mindset. It takes time and you may frequently need to step out of your comfort zone. But it will be worth it. And for those of us who are not the type of personality to throw a community BBQ, we can build it up one person at a time.
I read a lot of books about the Amish lifestyle and one of the most admirable things is their sense of community. The women have quilting bees and if someone’s barn burns down, the community gets together and has a barn raising. What have you done to show those around you the value of community? Any tips for me? Also, do you know who would come out to help when you need a barn raising?
It’s very refreshing to read your post. About 16 years ago, there was an incident in our neighborhood. The whole block of us decided then we needed to get to know each other. Since that time a few have moved away and new folks have moved in, we make it a point to get to know the newbies on the block. A lot of friendships have been formed and when the hurricanes came three times one year, we were there for each other. Including running extension cords across the street to those still without power.
That is a beautiful testimony to the blessing that community can bring. Thank you for sharing.
Seems we are on a similar journey at the moment. We will be moving soon as well. We are moving back to a place we left 9 years ago. I will leave with very mixed feelings. Community – or rather relationships are what is most important to me – it is this that I miss most when we move (and we have done this too many times with my husband’s work) – but it is also what makes me feel most at home in a new place – apart from my family and pets, of course. As soon as I have a new tribe around me, I am at home. May you be able to move with peace and hope. May the grief at leaving be replaced with thanks giving for the gifts you have had and the new ones ahead. – Bless you. Asta x
Relationships are so important aren’t they? And the best friends are the ones that you keep, in spite of distance. Here’s hoping that your move goes well and you’re able to build up those new (and perhaps rekindle some past) friendships so that you feel at home soon too!
I’m right there with you! I found such a community in Alberta, a first force. Ithats really shown me how important it informed to be apart of that, for my health and that of my family. After the birth of H, you wereso amazing, and when he got sick, I was so in awe and grateful for all the help and support I received! It has shown me that a family that doesn’t have community, cannotbe a sustainable and healthy one, because we are truly not meant to ‘go-it-alone’, and that trying to is a recipe for stress, illness, and disaster. Much anger and frustration (that often gets taken out on those we love) could be alleviated if not averted entirely if we felt we had a community to rely on when we need an extra hand or a shoulder. Thank you for that and for the reminder of why I need to keep working at creating that in my new home xx
We are not meant to go it alone. Love that 🙂 And keep plugging away at it and you’ll find the community that you are meant o be a part of. Just like I will.