by Tessa | Motherhood
I cringed when he put on his pants backwards. Normally I wouldn’t have said anything, but it was Sunday. So I gently asked him, “Your pants are on backwards. Can we turn them around?” “Sure,” he responded cheerfully. I hesitated. Was this a trick? Was he going to start screaming the instant I tried to turn his pants around? “May I help you?” I asked tentatively. “Sure!” Enthusiasm. I breathed a sigh of relief. Perhaps this morning would remain peaceful after all. I managed to get all three children into their church clothes and I even managed to do my makeup in the bathroom (as opposed to in the vehicle). We were ready to go 15 minutes early. This is such a rare occurrence that the children thought it was time to get their shoes on a buckle in. My husband came in from morning chores and, instead having to help me finish getting children dressed and rushing out the door, he heard me urging the children to slow down. It really felt like they understood what was required and decided there was no use in resisting.
There is a certain craziness in the motherhood marathon that is interspersed with peaceful moments. Read the rest of my guest post to find out what I learned this particular Sunday morning about Surviving the Motherhood Marathon at Thinking Outside the Sandbox.
by Tessa | Faith
A friend recently asked me some questions about my beliefs on a few things. God put a lot of stuff into my head and I just typed. It’s rough, it’s uncut, and it’s real. I’m publishing it partially to have a record for myself and partially because perhaps it is something that someone else out there might need to read.
I saw the photo and your comment. Lots of deep stuff in there 🙂 I actually just read a really good book that addressed a lot of your thoughts. It’s called The Shack by William P. Young. It’s a fictional story about a man who ends up spending a weekend with God. He asks God a lot of the same questions you asked. I just read it last weekend and there was a lot of good philosophical stuff in it so I’m thinking I’ll need to read it a few times but, even the first time through, it really helped me to understand more about why bad things happen and what God’s will is for the world. And it really helped put into perspective how our own sinful decisions can impact ourselves and those around us and the whole world in general. It shows how God can use the mistakes that we make and the things that seem bad to us to paint a more beautiful picture than we could ever imagine.
Keep in mind that I’m not speaking in behalf of all Christians, I’m speaking on behalf of myself and where I’m at with this right now. I am learning and growing and understanding more each year but there is no way I’ll ever fully comprehend the entirety of God’s mind and plan.
I have a friend who’s daughter recently got diagnosed with cancer. She’s just a few months younger than Biscuit and a super sweet girl and her parents are amazing God-fearing, faith-filled, born again Christians. It has been incredible to see the strength of their trust in God’s ultimate plan through this. It’s not easy for them but they recognize that we live in a fallen world and that there isn’t always an explanation that makes sense to us but that God’s picture isn’t finished yet.
Kind of like when I discipline my kids. Like when they reach for the stove and I pull them back. They don’t understand, they are hurt by my actions, but I do it out of love. How much moreso does God love us? Even if my children choose to go against me and touch the stove behind my back, they will get hurt. Not because I didn’t love them, but because they made the choice to do something that would hurt them. Sometimes they knew it would hurt them, sometimes they are just unable to understand the consequences of their actions. They just knew that I was preventing them from doing something they wanted to do but they didn’t see the whole picture. Either way, I comfort them through it, if they let me.
God warns us of the consequences but gives us free will to make the choice for ourselves. “If you love something, set it free,” in a way. My kids will (and already do) make choices that break my heart, but it is never because I don’t love them and want what’s best for them. They often don’t see how their choices today can influence them in the next 30 years because all they see is what’s right in front of them. As they get older, they’ll learn how to see further down the road but God will always see and know more because He isn’t restricted by time and space.
As for the “born gay” thing, that is a whole different ball game. I do know that a very high percentage of gay people have suffered abuse and/or had an absent parent (usually the father). I also know that some people see their 6 year old going through a dress wearing phase so they start believing their child is gay and it becomes a self fulfilling prophesy. Schools encourage children to come out of the closet at young ages, ages when they are too young to make life altering choices. They kid isn’t even aloud to decide what’s for supper but is encouraged to embrace a specific sexual orientation.
I, personally, believe in embracing who my children were designed to be. They were designed to be boys so I will treat them as boys and explain to them how a boy’s body works and encourage them to embrace and accept the fact that God designed them perfect just the way they are, as boys. Just because one is more sensitive and “girly” than the others doesn’t make him any less of a boy. (That’s just my personal conviction and I’m not speaking for all Christians because I don’t know how all Christians raise their boys).
As for judgement, there is a difference between disagreeing with someone and hating someone. A Christian will not hate someone for their sin. That would be ridiculous, considering all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. We are all sinners, we just sin in different ways. Christians believe a lot of things that are societally acceptable are wrong but it seems that people really like to focus on just the one thing and blow it out of proportion. There’s a verse in the Bible that talks about how if you break on law, no matter which law, you are a lawbreaker. At the end of the day, we are all lawbreakers and in need of a Savior. According to that, there is no hope for any of us.
That’s why Jesus came. He never broke God’s law. He was perfect. When God started dealing out punishments to all of us lawbreakers, Jesus stepped up and said, “punish me instead.” He loved us so much that He was willing to die the death of the worst of sinners. (I use the term “worst” according to human standards, God doesn’t judge one sin worse than another). Jesus took on the death that we were supposed to die. (It still boggles my mind of the fact that He was willing to do that for me.) Even if nothing else happened after that, Jesus death wiped the slate clean for us. But, on top of Him interceding for us and taking God’s wrath onto Himself, He beat death. Death was brought into the world by our mistake, our bad decision. And we were trapped by the cycle of life and death. But Jesus rose from the dead and broke that cycle. So, going back to my friend’s daughter, her earthly body may dies from this cancer. Because we still live in a fallen world and she lives in a fallen body. But her spirit, her soul, will live on, because this little girl clings to Jesus. He will pull her spirit out of her lifeless body to be with Him in paradise.
Holy moly, I just went through a bit or a mental journey as I wrote that. I’m not sure if it’s what you were expecting me to say or how much of it you have heard before but I pray that it falls on listening ears. And I want to thank you for asking me because typing all of that out was …. incredible. Thank you. And I hope that you can make some sense of it 🙂
by Tessa | Homemaking
I woke up around 3am to nurse the baby back to sleep. I rolled over and he latched on. He was still mostly asleep as he suckled himself back into a peaceful oblivion. I heard some rustling from the other room and, the next thing I knew, Biscuit was crawling into my bed. As I tried to remind him that he couldn’t sleep with me (the last time he did, the baby crawled on top of him in his sleep and started wacking him), we heard some more rustling.
I thought it was C rolling over in his sleep.
I hoped it was C.
It wasn’t.
There was a mouse on the floor. I’m not exaggerating when I say the mice in my house are brave and disrespectful. They don’t care that there was just a little boy stomping on the floor or that there was a family trying to sleep. They come out of their homes in the floorboards and walls and come into MY home and run around like they own the place. I freaked out a little bit. I thought I was freaking out fairly quietly until my husband, who had woken up during my quiet freak out, told me I was scaring Biscuit. At least it scared Biscuit enough that he willingly went back to his own bed. Though his daddy did have to carry him because he didn’t want to accidentally step on a mouse.
The trap snapped shut later that day. (I called my husband to come in and get rid of it.)
The next day the older boys were upstairs gathering their dirty laundry and they decided to do a nice deed and gather the laundry from my room as well. The baby monitor base is in my room and I keep the receiver on all the time so I can hear most of what happens upstairs. I don’t think I needed the monitor at that point though. They made such a racket! When they came back downstairs, without the laundry, they told me they were trying to scare the mouse. C was stomping on the floor and Biscuit was yelling at it. Oh, and C hit it with Daddy’s sock. That’ll show that mouse not to mess with us!
Figuring this mouse was scared back into it’s hole, I decided to gather up the laundry myself. I was wrong. The mouse was hiding behind the baby’s clothing bin. I screamed and ran downstairs and texted Adam to come in and take care of it. He did. Wacked it with his belt and threw it outside, as our older two watched in awe. Those boys were playing “daddy vs mouse” the rest of the day.
Thinking we were done with mice for a while, I started to relax a bit. Until the very next day when C came to ask me what I wanted him to do with the baby mouse in front of the vacuum. I’m glad he didn’t seem concerned about it. But I was. I had to get him to repeat it several times to make sure I understood correctly. The baby mouse was dead, thankfully. But still, creepy! Since it was dead, I waited until Adam came in for lunch before asking him to throw it out. (You can imagine how entertaining my fear was to him.)
The day progressed as usual. And there were no signs of mice the next day. Until about 5pm when I walked into the living room. My heart still beats a little faster as I remember the feeling of seeing a dead mouse in the baby’s hands. I screamed. For quite a while. And I dove across the living room floor to my sweet little baby as he flapped this thing around and…. slowly…. brought it to his mouth. Still screaming, I managed to reach him before he made contact. There was no way I was going to touch the mouse so I picked up the baby and started shaking his arm to get him to release the mouse. Biscuit sat on the floor beside the baby and watched all of this with a look on his face that said, “What’s the big deal?”
I finally managed to shake the mouse out of the baby’s hand and it landed on the floor with a *thunk* and I ran out of the room. Wait a minute, it should have made more of a *splat* sound. I took a few deep breaths before I was finally able to speak. I asked Biscuit, “What’s going on?” He looked at me with those sweet, sparkly, fully innocent eyes and said, “It’s just a dinosaur mom.”
I was going to say that we haven’t seen a mouse since. But now I need to rewrite that line: We hadn’t seen a mouse for a few days. Until right now. One just ran across my kitchen and I can hear another in the living room. I think we may be getting a cat for Christmas. Apparently 4 traps aren’t enough to discourage them. Now the question is, can I wait until Christmas?
by Tessa | Faith
First time obedience sounds like it would be fantastic, but it’s often not a healthy expectation. If my husband came in and said, “Woman, make me iced tea. NOW!” I would give him an earful about showing me respect and not treating me like a doormat. That’s not how you treat someone you love. Love means to serve, not be served. If he came in and said, “Honey, it’s hot outside and I’m out of iced tea. Could you make some for me?” I would be much more willing to do that small thing for him.
I mentioned that one of my “cranky mommy” triggers is feeling unheard, which often gets aggravated by unrealistic expectations of my children’s capability for obedience. I would love for them to create the habit of putting dirty laundry in the basket as soon as they take it off. But, being perfectly honest here, I don’t even have that habit. If I’m nearly 30 and still working on developing that habit, perhaps I should give a little grace to my kids who have really only been working on that habit for a few years.
I feel that my request is more important that the current game my son is play. However, it isn’t. Truly. I’m learning to step around the socks a little more and wait until there is a natural break in whatever game they are playing. If I wait for a natural pause, the boys are more capable of switching focus and taking a minute to complete the request properly.
Making iced tea for my husband could become an act of love and service. The next time he runs out of iced tea, I’d probably notice that it’s hot and remember he likes cold iced tea on a hot day. I would probably make him iced tea before he even asked. I don’t drink iced tea and I couldn’t care less about it. But I care about my husband so I try to keep the jug filled.
A couple of weeks ago I talked about how you should give yourself grace with housekeeping. Now I’m telling you to give your kids grace. They do want to please you, even if it is only done halfway. They should get credit for trying, just like my husband gives me credit for those evenings when I only get supper half made. Sometimes I don’t finish the job because I got distracted by life (typically in the form of small people). Just like my boys don’t always finish the job because they get distracted by life (and yes, play is a huge and important part of their life). And you know what my husband does when he sees I have gotten distracted? He comes alongside to help me finish the job. That’s my personal enlightening moment of today. I appreciate his coming alongside much more than I would appreciate him nagging me to finish on my own.
It is really tough for me to wrap my mind around the fact that my role as a mother is to serve. The miracle of the service of motherhood is that, after a while, my kids start to come alongside me.
Linked up at: Babies and Beyond, Cornerstone Confessions, Timewarp Wife, Gospel Homemaking
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by Tessa | Personal Development
I didn’t get my March Summary goals post up. The second half of March consisted or a round robin of a yucky cold virus. It hit each member of our family, even Baby Bear, and made for a not-so-fun few weeks. April has felt like a new start. A new season. A new day. Baby Bear is the first of my children who is not high need and he still has a really consistent routine. The biggest perk: I’m rested. I make sure to go to bed on time and we still deal with multiple night wakings but it’s amazing how a content and peace-filled family can show each other love during the day. If your family doesn’t enjoy each other’s company, there is no quick fix but I can say that slowing down and resting more will get you further in life that running around and hardly allowing yourselves to breath.
Goal updates:
Faith:
Read the Bible in one year: I got very far behind in March but am almost caught up. Doubling up the reading on some days and getting back into the habit of listening daily. I’m currently in 1 Kings for OT and making my way through the Book of John for my NT readings.
In depth book study: Oh, right. I was supposed to be reading Ephesians…. I’m going to be caught up soon on my yearly plan so I’ll stick this back into the rotation.
Focused Daily prayer time: I’ve been more sporadically praying for people and events as I think of them instead of taking a specific time each day. Trying to think of when I could add this in. Last month I mentioned a prayer prompter. Still haven’t made it. Putting it on my To Do list right now though… Scheduled for my Sunday afternoon planning session.
Wife:
Monthly “out” date with Adam: No dates. We did errands together without the bigger boys. But they took too long and we didn’t actually sit down to focus on each other. I just mentioned this fact to my husband and C has already figured out he’s going to call a friend to watch him and his brother. I’m glad that even my son sees the value in it… friend texted and May’s date is scheduled.
Shared interest “doing something” time: He totally out paced me in the game that we were playing and I have been left in the dust. This month’s “doing something” involves a garden and a plan for yard work. I want it done and he actually enjoy most yard work.
Kiss Adam daily: So simple and yet, with all the sickness we had in March, we completely got out of the habit. I didn’t review my goals at the end of March either so we really have some work to make this a priority again.
Mother:
Play: Can I just say that my kids are awesome? They truly are fun to be with and, even though I don’t usually get down on the floor with them to push cars around, I love spending time with them. With the weather having (finally) warmed up, we have been taking a lot of walks and doing story time outside and we have been making good use of the swingset. Baby Bear isn’t to sure about swinging but he sure does love participating with the big boys.
Their faith: We did pretty good with out daily family Bible readings for a while but then slacked again. I’m trying to figure out how to make this a firmer habit. Do you have any suggestions? Perhaps a visual chart by our dinner table that we can add stickers to each day we read. Kids love stickers!
Homemaker:
Cleaning: I feel like I’m getting the hang of this whole housekeeping-with-3-kids thing. Baby Bear is about 5.5 months so that’s quicker than I adjusted with the first two. My house certainly isn’t perfect but I’m also not overwhelmed anymore. It’s like a breath of fresh air to not feel like I’m always running behind.
Food: Freezer cooking? Baking? Yogurt? What’s that? I have been making kombucha so that’s a benefit to out health. I also have my tomatoes, peppers, and broccoli started and we will plant the rest of the garden in a couple of weeks.
Project: March’s project was to plan my garden and I still need to do that. April’s project was to clean my bay window so I could start my seeds and put them there. May’s project is to plant everything that can be planted in May. I didn’t plant a lot of things on time last year so my harvest was rather pitiful. This year will be different!
Hobbies/Blog/Personal:
Reading: Two non-fiction books in April were The Essential Oiler’s Handbook. I have used essential oils for the last few years but we had a real breakthrough with Biscuit and his emotional issues during sleep (perhaps I’ll write about that in more detail one day) so I started doing a ton of research. I read about 6 ebooks on essential oils and that was the best. Another one I really liked was The Aromatherapy Bible: The Definitive Guide to Using Essential Oils. It is not a Christian book and there are a few things that I don’t agree with in it but it has great tips for recipes and how to use oils. My favorite part of the book is the section that is dedicated to an overview of a ton of different oils. 
My fiction selection was The Swiss Courier by Tricia Goyer. The kindle version is cheaper than I could have driven to the library and back. I have read another couple of books by Tricia and read her blog regularly and just love her writing. This book was no exception. It was a WW II book and I haven’t been able to read a WW II book for a number of years because I found that they affected me too much. I took a chance on this book, however, and I’m so glad I did. Fantastic story that left me on the edge of my seat and had me applauding by the end of it. I rate this book 5 out of 5 stars.
Writing: I have been pretty consistently writing daily. Not always something for my blog but I journal and have even done something that I hadn’t done for probably 15 years: I wrote a song. Or rather, a part of a song. It isn’t quite complete. It has been great to get back at the piano and have the mental capacity and the joy in my heart to be able to write music again.
Website: March’s goal of making a disclosure page is going to be completed in May. I want to give a little more information on how and why I decided to monetize my blog and how those kinds of things affect my writing and how they affect you, as a reader.
Blog: My regular readers will know that March was a tough month for posting but I’m getting things organized again and I am enjoying posting regularly again. The thing with a blog is that it’s never just writing. If all I had to do was write, I could post daily. The truth is, as any blogger will tell you, the photos and links and formatting and marketing all take up more time than the actual writing does. I put a lot of time, effort, and heart into my final project so if a post really resonates with you, please share it!
Planning Session: I missed a few of these due to sick kids and Sunday’s spent away from home. I had to do some very quick and sporadic planning on Sunday evenings or Monday mornings and the hurried planning showed. I really love my planning session because it helps me organize my thoughts on all the areas of my life. I can accomplish so much more when I have a game plan.
Quiet time: I love warmer weather. I skip out of the house a bit when my husband comes in to make lunch. I get to take a walk alone or, occasionally, with a sleeping baby on my back. The boys play outside a lot so all the noise is out there. I can put Baby Bear in his little chair on the deck and he sleeps or watches his brothers and I can relax. Feeling much more refreshed with the amount of quiet I’ve been experiencing.
Health: Drinking water: It is much easier to keep my fluids up when the weather is nice. A cool glass of water on a hot day is perfect. I would say that I’ve got this “drinking water daily” habit in the bag. Eating fruit: Fruit and summer go hand-in-hand. And my boys have started asking for fruit at snack time so I prepare their snack and make an extra plate for myself at the same time. Strengthening my back: My back injury was over 3 years ago now and it still gives me grief. It makes me a little sad to think it but, at the same time, it has improved drastically. I am starting to find a routine of essential oils, back stretching exercises and remembering to massage daily (my chiropractor recommended the Professional Body Massager 
and I love it). My back still pops out daily and gets tired easily but it doesn’t usually hurt. I’m so glad that pain is minimized! Reviewing goals regularly helps keep you headed in the right direction.
Do you have a regular time to review your goals? If you have written a blog post on your goals, we would love to have you link up and share your goals with us. You could grab the button and put it on your post to help spread the word that we are writing these posts. Or leave a comment with a summary of how your life plan for 2014 is coming along.
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