When I was pregnant with my first child, I sat down with a client that had 4 kids, with the youngest just a toddler. She told me that the first couple kids is such a huge adjustment but by the time the 4th rolls around you’ll barely notice the adjustment. That same week I sat down with another client who had a newborn in her arms, their fifth. She told me the exact same thing!
I didnt believe them. I figured the more kids you have, the more work you have. More laundry, meals, emotional needs, etc. That makes logical sense right?
Umm nope!
One child is the biggest adjustment from a life built around yourself to one that now revolves around this little person who is 100% reliant on you. Baby number 2 often comes at a time when you’re still fumbling to find your footing as a mom. If you have a bit more time between kids then 3 can mean the older 2 play while you tend to baby so some find it easier. If you have 3 really little ones then it can feel like you’re pulled in too many directions.
But I think by the time the 4th child rolls along, most moms seem to find their mom groove. You start recognizing things that you thought were problems to solve are not actually problems and just the next phase of baby or toddlerhood. It takes a lot of pressure off of you when you realize that almost everything is normal. And after several babies, you recognize that, while personalities may vary, almost everything is normal and just a phase that will pass.
Mothering is a lot easier when we aren’t as hard on ourselves. When we recognize that our baby isn’t crying because we are doing something wrong, they are crying because babies cry sometimes. When we accept that babies will walk and talk eventually so you don’t need to track everything or be concerned that your baby isnt keeping up to your friends’ baby. When you stop fussing about the fact that your baby spit up in her shirt (or yours) and just roll with it.
Also, the nature of larger families is that kids need to become more independent and helpful. For me, this means that my kids all help out with housework, which takes a huge load off of me. They also help with childcare. For example, this morning my nine-year-old took the baby outside so I could sort laundry and get the washing machine running. Much easier to do that when I don’t have a baby at my ankles! My eldest also loves to sit the baby in her high chair and have breakfast with her which gives me time to drink my morning coffee and do devotions.
We have such a family-team atmosphere in our home and I think it really binds us together. Me with the kids but also between siblings. The olders recognize that the youngers have more intense physical needs but they also know that mom will sit to nurse the baby, or hold her while she naps, and then I can have a good conversation with her about minecraft or tanks or which caliber of gun is best for hunting which animal.
