by Tessa | Faith
First time obedience sounds like it would be fantastic, but it’s often not a healthy expectation. If my husband came in and said, “Woman, make me iced tea. NOW!” I would give him an earful about showing me respect and not treating me like a doormat. That’s not how you treat someone you love. Love means to serve, not be served. If he came in and said, “Honey, it’s hot outside and I’m out of iced tea. Could you make some for me?” I would be much more willing to do that small thing for him.
I mentioned that one of my “cranky mommy” triggers is feeling unheard, which often gets aggravated by unrealistic expectations of my children’s capability for obedience. I would love for them to create the habit of putting dirty laundry in the basket as soon as they take it off. But, being perfectly honest here, I don’t even have that habit. If I’m nearly 30 and still working on developing that habit, perhaps I should give a little grace to my kids who have really only been working on that habit for a few years.
I feel that my request is more important that the current game my son is play. However, it isn’t. Truly. I’m learning to step around the socks a little more and wait until there is a natural break in whatever game they are playing. If I wait for a natural pause, the boys are more capable of switching focus and taking a minute to complete the request properly.
Making iced tea for my husband could become an act of love and service. The next time he runs out of iced tea, I’d probably notice that it’s hot and remember he likes cold iced tea on a hot day. I would probably make him iced tea before he even asked. I don’t drink iced tea and I couldn’t care less about it. But I care about my husband so I try to keep the jug filled.
A couple of weeks ago I talked about how you should give yourself grace with housekeeping. Now I’m telling you to give your kids grace. They do want to please you, even if it is only done halfway. They should get credit for trying, just like my husband gives me credit for those evenings when I only get supper half made. Sometimes I don’t finish the job because I got distracted by life (typically in the form of small people). Just like my boys don’t always finish the job because they get distracted by life (and yes, play is a huge and important part of their life). And you know what my husband does when he sees I have gotten distracted? He comes alongside to help me finish the job. That’s my personal enlightening moment of today. I appreciate his coming alongside much more than I would appreciate him nagging me to finish on my own.
It is really tough for me to wrap my mind around the fact that my role as a mother is to serve. The miracle of the service of motherhood is that, after a while, my kids start to come alongside me.
Linked up at: Babies and Beyond, Cornerstone Confessions, Timewarp Wife, Gospel Homemaking
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by Tessa | Homemaking
One of our household mantras go like this:
How do we behave?
Polite and Gentle and show each other Love.
We first started this when my oldest was learning how to properly pronounce an “L.” It encouraged him to repeat words with the “L” at the beginning, middle, and end of the word. It was an added bonus that it also included a character lesson.
In spite of the fact that my boys are typically less rambunctious in their play than one would expect from boys their age, we do have a tendency toward more intensity when it comes to emotions. With the addition of another little boy to our family last week (more on that later), we are in the midst of the extra dose of fatigue and attempts at finding a new family rhythm. Gentleness is a habit that we need to get back into.
One of the things that has helped serve as a reminder for gentleness was to light a candle and say a prayer for my home. C and Biscuit help me light (or remind me to light) the candle and I explain why I’m lighting it and pray out loud for peace in our home and gentleness toward each other. I love having a visual (and scented!) reminder and we hold each other accountable treating each other with love. Yes, I allow my children to call me out when I treat them unacceptably.
I know that there are a lot more ways to increase the habit of gentleness but I’m starting with my candle and prayer. It’s simple. And, with a newborn in my arms, simple is about as good as I can do!
Do you have any other simple ways for increasing gentleness in yourself and your children?
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by Tessa | Homemaking
Head over to my Facebook page to access my free planner printable available to my fans!
Last week I shared some of the things that I’ve learned about myself while doing research on how to get my life and home organized before my family welcomes another addition in November. I promised to share with you this week what I’ve learned about home management binders. So I’ll dive right in:
Even though all those free printables and different section ideas are very tempting, I don’t need them all. Some things come more naturally to me than others. I don’t need to organize areas of my life that are already organized. For example: My bill paying and savings plans are second nature to me. They don’t require a section in my binder. I also don’t have any need for a lot of space for appointments because, let’s face it, my schedule on paper is very boring. I made and tried a daily planner. I had used a two-page-per-day planner for years before I had children so I thought this would be the best method for me, but found that it was just not working this time around. Then I read this article about different levels of planners and it became clear to me what the problem was. I was much like her and started off with the “nerd planner” when I really only needed a Week-at-a-glance. I have found it makes more sense for me as my tasks are not usually day dependent because the amount I can do in a day varies so much.
I have since upgraded to a color printer so my weekly pages are color coded into different sections. Keeping the boxes and line space to smaller amounts has meant that I can only add so many tasks to my list, so as not to overwhelm myself. I took a lot of inspiration from the Uncalendar and tweaked this idea to suit my personal and business life. First, I made a list of things I wanted to keep track of: personal to do, blog to do, kids to do, meals, habits I’m working on, people I need to get in touch with, a weekly memory/focus verse and a simple “catch all” area for when I don’t want to pull out the specific list or project sheet for thoughts that pop into my head. That’s a lot of information that I was trying to get out of my head and onto paper!
I also have a very simple list of regular housekeeping tasks, broken down into daily, weekly, and monthly. I put them in a page protector and I just lay it on top of my binder. One side has my brief daily list and a section for each day of the week. On the reverse side I have a 4 week rotation of monthly tasks and I will choose one week at a time to complete. I found it much simpler to make my own lists rather than print or purchase those made by someone else because, others’ lists just don’t suit me. There are certain cleaning tasks that I just don’t care about (at least in this stage of my life) and I do different things on different days than or not as frequently as premade lists tell me.
I’ve been using my weekly calendar for a few weeks and it has been working very well. I leave it open on my counter so I can see it and add to it throughout the day. This method has eliminated the need for me to write out my to do list every evening and transfer everything that I didn’t accomplish to the next day. Planning my day in advance takes just a couple of minutes and having the whole week visible allows me to shuffle tasks around easily.
I am still using a lot of the tips I learned from Planner Perfect when it comes to projects, lists, goals, and having all of my brain’s information available at my fingertips. My mind feels much less cluttered and, surprisingly, my energy levels have increased! It has been great to use this newfound energy to play more with my kids and actually stay (mostly) caught up on my housework.
Do you use a home management binder? I’d love to hear about it or see photos because I’m on a constant quest of tweaking mine to perfection.
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Head over to my Facebook page to access my free planner printable available to my fans!
by Tessa | Homemaking
Do you every get overwhelmed when you read all those wonderful and amazing blog posts written by people who are already at the destination of organization? Me too.
If you follow my Pinterest boards, you’ve likely noticed my recent stint of pinning a bunch of links related to organization. I’ve been scrambling to get my house and mind and family all in order before the baby comes. Creating rhythms and routines and setting up a reasonable housekeeping schedule is tough when you’re dealing with unpredictable mealtimes (my husband’s schedule is not consistent right now), unpredictable children (because kids are like that), and unpredictable health (fatigue, morning sickness, other pain and injuries). I don’t have it all figured out.
I know that everyone says to not compare yourself to others but let me tell you a few things that I’ve learned about people (and myself) through doing all this research:
Many people have way higher housekeeping standards than I do. Some even clean their baseboards and windows weekly! (Did you know that no one will notice if you clean them once per year? Or never?) Unfortunately, this means that when people tell you to lower your standards when you’re finding it hard to keep up on housekeeping, that doesn’t apply to me. My standards have already been lowered enough.
Many people feed their children way more than I do. Lately we have peanut butter sandwiches for breakfast, yogurt or oatmeal with fruit and cheese n crackers for snack/lunch, and then simple, homemade dinners (that can be made in 30 min or less). We also drink a lot of milk during the day which fills their tummies with lots of long-lasting protein. The only thing I (currently) plan is dinner and my children often make their own sandwiches for breakfast.
Not everyone needs as much sleep as I do. I look at some of the evening and morning routines of other bloggers and I know for a fact that I could not survive with that little of sleep. Some people can thrive off of 6 hours of sleep. I’m not one of them. I need at least 8.5 hours. I need to go to bed at (at least) 10:30pm and need to sleep until 7am. My children also sleep until 7am. I have no morning solo quiet time. My sleep is also interrupted several times through the night so I’m still tired during the day. I can often be found napping on the couch in the early afternoon while my children watch an episode or two of Transformers Rescue Bots or Magic School Bus. I’m okay with that. This is where I am at right now. Plus this is actually getting us into a good rhythm for when the baby comes and I’ll be needing a daily nap even more.
Everyone has a different perception of organized. Some people love to have open cabinets with everything on display; some people love to have lots of wall decor and knick knacks; some people prefer a minimalist view with lots of empty space and everything hidden behind cupboard doors. This was helpful to find out because I grew up in a home with a lot of knick knacks on display but I haven’t unpacked any of mine since moving 11 months ago. I don’t need to feel guilty about it because my personal style leans more towards minimalism and white space. I also learned why my kids’ book and toy shelf in the living room drives me nuts, even when it is tidied up. I need to get something with doors I can close so I don’t see all that stuff.
I know that I’m not the only one comparing and learning about this sort of stuff otherwise those blogs wouldn’t have so much traffic. Please leave a comment because I’d love to hear what lessons you have learned about yourself while on your journey to organization.
Also, subscribe to my weekly blog post roundup because I will share next week what I’ve learned about setting up a home management binder through this journey. (You can subscribe by filling in the simple form on the right.)
by Tessa | Motherhood
My interpretation of unschooling is that it is a form of learning from life without imposing a specific curriculum or forcing a specific method of teaching on my children.
A lot of information about unschooling that I have read talks about how it is just letting life teach your children the things they need to know to live and thrive in this world and culture. This method of learning has always made perfect sense to me. If you need a skill to survive in your current role or career, you find a way to aquire it. Sometimes this is done through extensive reading and research, other times through hands-on trial & error, and other times it requires us to take a course specifically set up to give us the proper qualifications and information. At the end of the day, the outcome is the same: the new skill is learned because you chose to learn it. Why should it look any different for our children?
Many radical unschoolers forgo the practice of schedules or parent-imposed learning or even restrictions on anything that many other children have limits on. While I understand how this can work really well for some families, I feel that unschooling gives my family and I the opportunity to set up our household in a way that works for us. My family runs better when we have a regular rhythm to our days. This also means that we require certain things from our children and have certain rules for them.
Here is a bit of a framework for our family:
* We require our children to participate in the family, including the family work (household as well as farm).
* We expect them to show the love of God through their actions and attitudes. We do no allow them to disrespect us or each other.
* We believe that our children must respect us as authority figures (which, in turn, means that we must prove ourselves to be an authority worth respecting).
* We teach and expect them to treat their bodies as temples of God, which includes healthy eating habits, an active lifestyle, and healthy sleep habits.
* The condition of their heart takes precedence over all else.
Those are some of the boundaries and expectations that we have in place for when our children live in our home.
The Alberta School Act even states it’s goal for students become a “self-reliant, responsible, caring and contributing member of society.” It seems that even the Alberta government believes that character is important. Many employers realize that while skills can always be taught, character cannot. In fact, out of the 46% of job failures that happen within the first 18 months, 89% was due to attitude issues, only 11% was due to lack of skill. So, in order to give my kids the best foot forward, our main focus will be to develop their character. We believe that these things are essential to our children becoming capable and well-adjusted adults. And isn’t that what unschooling, or any other educational method, is all about?
