If you haven’t heard of The 5 Love Languages
My love language is quality time. This means that I see and noticed when my husband helps around the house, and I appreciate his help, but it doesn’t necessarily fill up my “love tank.” He could tell me all day how much he loves me and sweep me into his wonderfully secure bear hugs, but that’s not what fills my tank. In order for me to feel loved, I need him to sit and talk with me. I want to do something face-to-face. One of my favorite things to do is go for a drive with him and just talk. It’s great for both of us to know this about me so we can plan for regular chats. (I do know that sitting in the car isn’t actually face-to-face but a drive usually results in quality conversation, even though we’re sitting side-by-side).
My husband is a little more complicated. He’s taken the quizzes and I have read chunks of the book
Monday: Act of service. Keeping it simple, this means that I will make his iced tea or coffee for him, dust his computer desk, or put away his laundry. All things that he normally does so it’s a nice little surprise for him when he comes in and it’s already done.
Tuesday: Physical touch. I make an extra effort to hug him, rub his back, or pat his butt when I walk past him.
Wednesday: Words of Encouragement. Leave a sticky note on his computer with some encouragement or I’ll simply tell (or text) him during the day to let him know of something specific that I appreciate about him or am proud of him for. For example: You are an amazing father and I love how you play with the boys before bed. Thank you for working hard in the cold to provide for our family. You give the best hugs and they make me feel so warm and secure.
Thursday: Gift. I don’t buy him a gift every Thursday but, every once in a while, I’ll pull out a special bag of chips or ice cream or sesame snaps that I bought on Tuesday during my grocery trip. Lip balm and hot chocolate in the winter or iced cappuccino in the summer. Sometimes the boys and I will make him a craft or paint a picture for him. Every once in a while I get to surprise him with a bigger ticket item (like a new headset for his phone), though I don’t usually wait until Thursday to give bigger items to him. Putting “gifts” on Thursday is often more of a reminder to me that this is one way to communicate love to him and allows me to plan for the future.
Friday: Quality time. We often open with me catching up on what his week has been like but his quality time looks different than mine. Because I’m a woman, I like face-to-face quality time and he, as a man, like side-by-side time. So we will watch a movie or play a video game together.
It is so rewarding to do something extra each day to show my husband I love him. I follow this rather loosely and hopefully it’s obvious to you that I show him love throughout the week (and weekend) in various ways. But this little schedule is a helpful reminder that love is communicated in more than one way and it is my job to make sure that I’m communicating in a language that he understands.
Is there a specific way that you communicate love to your husband? Is it in your love language or in his?
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I love this book and it’s helped us, too. Mark doesn’t care about gifts but he tries hard for me (w/ our 3 daughters’ help at times!) and my least is service – which is his first. So, I have to be intentional to serve extra just because I love him. This also works well with figuring out how kids love being loved: i just asked them once and I got some fun answers like: notes in my lunch. (:
I love this! I’m guessing some may be thinking that showing love should be more spontaneous and not something you have to schedule. But I know what happens to the days, they slip by, full of this demand and that. I love the idea of making a plan ahead of time. thanks so much. This fits my personality and I’m going to try it. (But I’m not going to tell him, and it’s ok if he doesn’t figure the my system.) 🙂
Wow, you are do intentional! This is really inspirational and I love your practical ideas!
We dug into this book, years ago in a Couples Bible Study. OH MY! What a life changer! I found out that my husband is a words of affirmation/physical touch person. By knowing these about him, I learned to speak differently, sometimes a disagreement would happen, just by the way I answered him. Over the years, I still remember how important using love languages is. I originally thought mine was Quality Time, but found out that Acts of Service was as equally important. We also use this with our children as well. It can be a little harder to figure out….but I love your idea of using each love language to show your husband love.
Thanks! – hopped over from Titus 2sdays
It’s fantastic that you’re able to understand each other’s love languages and use them to their fullest. It can make such a difference in a marriage. I have found that acts of service increases in importance the more children that I have 😉 Thanks for stopping by.
Oh, I love this idea! It’d be a perfect way to see how he responds to each. I’d like to try it with my teens, too!
It is pretty great to make a concerted effort to show love to our family on a daily basis. It sounds like it would be fun to try it with teens too! What a gift they have with you as their mother making the effort to show them love in a way that they need. Children are a blessing but so are the mothers willing to pursue their hearts.
I love this idea of hitting all 5 parts of the love language in a week – it makes it so intentional! Thanks for this excellent idea – I am going to start doing this, too.
Intentional is a good thing when it comes to showing love, isn’t it? Just make sure you try to fit in extras in your husband’s love language 🙂