by Tessa | Motherhood
There are way to many great topics to cover when it comes to the letter “B.” It was so difficult for me to choose just one! So I didn’t. Here’s my “quick tips” for mothers to cover a few of my favorite “B” topics:
Bedsharing: It can be a great way for a breastfeeding mother to get more sleep. Some moms find that it works best with baby in a cradle/crib beside the bed so they can easily grab the baby when needed. Others find that they can get a bed rail or push their bed against a wall to eliminate the falling hazard. Still others (my family included) take a side of the crib and “side-car” the crib to the bed.
Bedsharing has way to many benefits to list (trust me, people have written whole entire books full of the mental, emotional, and physical benefits to the mother, baby, and the entire rest of the family!) but the two typical ones that are focused on are to enhance the breastfeeding relationship and allow the mother more sleep. (Whether you’re bed-sharing or not, here are some great tips on how to survive on interrupted sleep.)
Sleeping near/with baby means you will produce more milk due to the physical closeness and the frequency of relaxed nursing. It also means that your sleep cycles will sync. In other words, you will both enter that light stage of sleep at the same time and you’ll find that you wake up seconds before your child does. You’ll wake up at a natural part of your sleep cycle so, even if you’re waking several times in the night, you will be more refreshed in the morning than if you had to be interrupted our of a deep sleep to walk to another room to tend to your child. Here’s a post I read a while back about one mom’s journey with the family bed.
Breastfeeding: One of the most important tips to having a successful breastfeeding relationship is to get good support. Husbands are often the number one determining factor of the success and duration of a mother/child breastfeeding relationship. Another great place to get support for your breastfeeding relationship is through La Leche League. The leaders are not only trained to give information and support for breastfeeding, they are also mothers who have been there and done that. They are able to draw off of their personal experience as well as the experiences of many other mothers. Besides all the health benefits of breastfeeding, it has a myriad of emotional benefits to mom and baby too. These benefits apply no matter the age of your nursling. (Great breastfeeding sites are La Leche League International and Kelly Mom)
Babywearing: You can never carry your baby too much. There are a variety of carriers to choose from so find something that works for your body and carrying style. My favorite is the ring sling. I love it because it’s simple to use (both my mom and my mother-in-law figured it out on their own!), portable (takes up very little space in my diaper bag), easy on and off (great for when toddlers want up and down), cooler in the summer, (less fabric than other carriers), simple to nurse in (just loosen a bit and scootch baby into position), and easy to take off when baby is still in it (so as not to disturb them when you want to lay them down while sleeping).
Interesting fact: carried time counts as tummy time. Babywearing enhances breastfeeding and milk production, encourages bonding, reduces post partum depression, increases baby’s balance and core strength, and results in a more content baby. (Here is an article that goes into benefits in more depth)
Birth: I can’t cover baby B’s without adding a quick tip for birth to the list. Quick tip: Get a midwife if you can and hire a doula. A doula’s support can be invaluable during labour (to both you and your husband) and can make the difference between having a positive birth experience and a negative one. Also, learn about birth from positive sources that believe in a woman’s ability to grow and birth her baby. Here is part one to a post that I wrote recently on the True Journey of Natural Labour and Birth. And here is part two. Birth is an amazing and beautiful journey for a woman to go through.
If you’re interested in some more great reading on these topics, check out some of the links on my Pinterest Board: Birth, Breastfeeding, and Infant Sleep or my Positive and Attachment Parenting Board. (Just a note: you do not need a Pinterest account to view the boards.)
What are your favorite quick tips and facts about the Baby “B”s?
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by Tessa | Motherhood
I’ve decided to join Marcy from Ben and Me on her journey of blogging through the alphabet. Every Monday, from A until Z, I hope to be linking up with her. Make sure that you check out the whole link up party every week because there are going to be many other great posts to check out.
Though I may not be the most experienced mother out there, I have met incredible mothers on the tail end of the journey and, through their insights, I do believe I have discovered a secret to mothering: it’s all about a person’s attitude towards mothering. Some believe that children should be seen and not heard, and they are completely shocked when their baby cries. Some believe that all babies should respond the same way to the same thing, and they are shocked when their baby turns out different than their friends’ babies. Some believe that all babies should be doing this or that by a specific age and they are proud when their baby is “ahead” or ashamed when their baby is “behind.”
Isn’t it interesting that we understand that every adult is different and has different skills, interests, and gifts, yet we expect all our children to fit into a specific mold? We have some ridiculous expectations of our children and babies and, to be honest, it can get very stressful when you try to meet all of them.
Here are some universal truths about babies and becoming a mother:
1. Your baby will need you and you are capable of meeting those needs (even if sometimes it feels like they need more than you can give).
2. Your baby will learn how to walk…. eventually.
3. Your baby will learn to sleep longer stretches….. eventually. Have you ever met a teenager who doesn’t like his/her sleep?
4. Your baby will learn to speak…..eventually. Some babies are more vocal than others and some are less. Much like some adults are more vocal than others and some are less.
5. Your baby will cry. (See point #4)
6. Your baby will be out of diapers…. eventually.
7. Your baby will get sick. A cold or fever isn’t the end of the world.
8. You will be tired. Recognize this fact and realize that, as much as it sucks, fatigue is not the end of the world. You are not entitled to 8 solid hours of sleep per night. You will impress yourself with how many years you can not only survive but learn to thrive off of interrupted sleep.
Get rid of preconceived notions about what your baby (or toddler, preschooler, school aged child, etc) should be doing. Relax and just go with the flow. Stop comparing to books and charts and, especially, to other babies you know. Your baby is unique and will therefore choose his/her own unique growth and development curve. The only one that your baby should be compared to is him/herself. Is progress being made? Why or why not?
Make the decision that when you hit a rough patch, it isn’t because your baby is broken or you are incapable of caring for him/her. It is because there are ups and downs in everyone’s life, including your baby’s.
Good news for when you’re in a rough patch: This is a phase, this too shall pass.
Bad news for when things are flowing smoothly: This is a phase, this too shall pass.
The biggest challenge is to develop an attitude towards mothering that will see you through all the highs and lows.
Step 1: Commit. You’re in for the long haul so you can either choose to be miserable for the long haul or choose to appreciate the beauty that comes with this wonderful privilege of mothering.
Step 2: Listen to your Baby. I’m not advocating that you ignore medical advice, or even advice from well meaning loved ones, but I am advocating that you listen to your child first and foremost. The more you listen to your mother’s intuition from the beginning, the more you’ll be able to discern whether someone’s advice applies to you and your situation.
Step 3: Seek encouragement. Find a friend, or group of friends, who will encourage you to listen to your baby instead of to them. Keep in mind that encouragement and advice are two very different things. Most moms already know what they should be doing and just need to be encouraged to do it.
There’s a simple 3 step plan to developing an attitude towards mothering that will put you on a significantly smoother path than comparisons and unrealistic expectations will.
What is one of the biggest preconceived notions that you have had to let go of since becoming a mother?
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by Tessa | Motherhood
I’ve already told you about what unschooling is to my family and why I feel the need to set up a plan for our year. This post will break out a few more nitty gritty details of how I’m hoping to accomplish a planned unschool year.
Step 1: Figure out the boys’ interests and write them down. I gave them each a tab in a binder (binders have become an organization obsession of mine lately). C was very easy in this regard as I already know many of the things he wants to learn about. Things like birds, weather, corn, mustangs (the GT Supersnake in particular). I asked him what he wanted to learn and was rather shocked by his some of suggestions:
* Play tricky games
* World of Warcraft – logging on (Out of sheer adoration for his Daddy)
* How to teach the new baby to play (when he/she gets here)
* How to treat toys
* How to treat shoes
* How to treat ourselves
* All about our bodies
* Write numbers and letters
* How to be gentle
* Bees
* Zebras
Biscuit wanted his own list. It was much simpler:
* How to write “Opa”
Step 2: To C’s tab, I added a sheet with the heading “Methods C Enjoys.” Here I’ve listed things like movies, video games, reading and painting. I’ll ask him for input on this page as well. I’ll also be able to add and pages with notes on how to help him expand on certain ideas/interests. For example: Magic School bus has some videos and books about bodies and I have a couple of lapbooks from Currclick on some of his chosen topics.
Step 3: Plan into my daily routine time to sit with my sons and allow them to choose a topic and learning medium. It sounds very technical but this step naturally comes with more flow. A typical day may start with C talking about the very cool robin he saw on the lawn. We can watch some videos on YouTube, print out a coloring page, make robins with playdough, and, of course, head outside to watch the robins in the trees. Depending on his level of interest in the topic, we can add in lapbooks (what little boy doesn’t like cutting and gluing?) or photography and scrapbooking (i.e. notebooking).
The most important part of this process will be for me to be diligent in spending time in the boys’ world on a daily basis. It is so easy to just let them play independently, since they play so well together. I frequently pull them into my world with asking/allowing them to help with housework, gardening, and meal preparation. They even join me for my morning Bible reading. I, however, need some prodding and reminding to get down on the floor with them just to play cars, or sit at the table and play playdough with them instead of just putting it out and letting them have at it. We even painted together the other day and it was so much fun! And sometimes we walk to the barn just so we can play with the kitties, and this (rather large and pregnant!) mama sits in the straw with a kitty in my lap as the boys make up stories about what the kitties have been doing. The only thing that I haven’t joined in with is playing in the dirt. That’s totally Papa Bear’s department.
by Tessa | Motherhood
My interpretation of unschooling is that it is a form of learning from life without imposing a specific curriculum or forcing a specific method of teaching on my children.
A lot of information about unschooling that I have read talks about how it is just letting life teach your children the things they need to know to live and thrive in this world and culture. This method of learning has always made perfect sense to me. If you need a skill to survive in your current role or career, you find a way to aquire it. Sometimes this is done through extensive reading and research, other times through hands-on trial & error, and other times it requires us to take a course specifically set up to give us the proper qualifications and information. At the end of the day, the outcome is the same: the new skill is learned because you chose to learn it. Why should it look any different for our children?
Many radical unschoolers forgo the practice of schedules or parent-imposed learning or even restrictions on anything that many other children have limits on. While I understand how this can work really well for some families, I feel that unschooling gives my family and I the opportunity to set up our household in a way that works for us. My family runs better when we have a regular rhythm to our days. This also means that we require certain things from our children and have certain rules for them.
Here is a bit of a framework for our family:
* We require our children to participate in the family, including the family work (household as well as farm).
* We expect them to show the love of God through their actions and attitudes. We do no allow them to disrespect us or each other.
* We believe that our children must respect us as authority figures (which, in turn, means that we must prove ourselves to be an authority worth respecting).
* We teach and expect them to treat their bodies as temples of God, which includes healthy eating habits, an active lifestyle, and healthy sleep habits.
* The condition of their heart takes precedence over all else.
Those are some of the boundaries and expectations that we have in place for when our children live in our home.
The Alberta School Act even states it’s goal for students become a “self-reliant, responsible, caring and contributing member of society.” It seems that even the Alberta government believes that character is important. Many employers realize that while skills can always be taught, character cannot. In fact, out of the 46% of job failures that happen within the first 18 months, 89% was due to attitude issues, only 11% was due to lack of skill. So, in order to give my kids the best foot forward, our main focus will be to develop their character. We believe that these things are essential to our children becoming capable and well-adjusted adults. And isn’t that what unschooling, or any other educational method, is all about?
by Tessa | Motherhood
According to Wikipedia, “The primary defining characteristic of shyness is a largely ego-driven fear of what other people will think of a person’s behavior, which results in the person becoming scared of doing or saying what he or she wants to, out of fear of negative reactions, criticism, rejection, and simply opting to avoid social situations instead.”
I was called “shy” frequently while growing up.
The truth is that I wasn’t. I simply chose not to speak in certain situations. If I wanted a straw for my drink at a restaurant, I asked my sister to ask the waitress. I was perfectly capable of asking but made the choice not to. I didn’t speak in class at school because a)it was against the rules and b) I didn’t have that strong a desire to be heard by the people in my class.
The problem was that, after being told that I was shy for so long, I eventually started to believe it, and act accordingly. By Jr High I decided it was better to be named shy than have to expend the energy in being friendly to everyone. Only my close friends knew that I was anything but quiet. Unfortunately, this more quiet public demeanor also earned me some other labels. Labels such as snob or stuck-up, anti-social, boring, etc.
Then came the work force. Low and behold, one of my first jobs was waitressing. If you know any truly shy people (or perhaps you’re shy yourself!), you will wonder how in the world a “shy” person ended up in such a social job. And I was good at it. Once I got the hang of writing down orders in such a way as to please the cooks, I thrived. Customers loved me and told me so and my tips were nearly always higher than those of the other waitresses (I’m not saying that to boast, just to make a point). I came home exhausted and needing some serious quiet time to recharge but I truly enjoyed chatting with my customers, new and regular.
My next career was with a company that required a lot of personal skills. I learned a lot with that company about marketing and sales, leading a team, training new people, educating a wide variety of people, and public speaking. Once again, I did very well with the social aspects of that career. Next, I started my own company. Sales again. Strangely enough, I don’t get called “shy” anymore. I am called bold, opinionated, well-spoken, sociable, outgoing, and have even been accused of talking too much! Quite the opposite of “shy.”
Some would say that I overcame my shyness. While it’s true that I have learned certain skills about communicating with people over the years, I will stand by the fact that I was never shy to begin with. I have always had strong opinions and would be bold with them if I chose to voice them and was given the chance.
I’m reminded of “Uh huh” in The Little Rascals. There is a part near the end where he talks about his extensive vocabulary and grasp of grammar and how it’s always been there. He says he “simply chose not to employ them.”
My sons are both regularly labeled shy by other people. I am always quick to correct by saying that my boys are not shy. In fact, they are quite the opposite, if they choose to be and once they are given the chance.
