by Tessa | Faith
Tolerance is a buzz word nowadays. Everyone needs to be tolerant. We need to tolerate everyone’s beliefs and lifestyles etc. But is that really what our goal should be?
As Christians, we should move beyond tolerance. Jesus doesn’t ask us to tolerate our neighbours. He asks us, commands us rather, to LOVE our neighbour.
How does love look different than tolerance?
An attitude of tolerance means you do your own thing and I won’t interfere. I’ll leave you alone and you leave me alone. What kind of effect does that have on society? It separates us. We end up shattered, broken, and crumbling apart.
Love binds. Love means I’ll help you and be there for you, regardless of your beliefs, lifestyle, or the sins you have committed. Love means realizing that God died and rose for your sins as much as He died for mine. It doesn’t mean that I will support your sins, nor should you support mine. It means that we can show and practice love, regardless. It builds relationship and communities.
Our country is crumbling because of tolerance. The only way it can be rebuilt is through us allowing Christ’s love to flow through to us.
A while back I had a dream that I had cancer and was only given 1-2 years to live. I woke up thinking about what I would change if that were the reality. What “legacy” would I want to leave? What kind of mother would I want my children to remember? The biggest thing God impressed upon my heart that morning was that I want them to know and share God’s love. The first way to accomplish that goal is to love them hard every single day (any mom will agree that, some days, this isn’t an easy task). The second is to continually remind them that their mission on earth is to show love. We need to be so full of love that it flows right out and into society.
Fill up my cup, let it over flow with love.
What the world needs now is love, love and only love.
But not just any kind of love. God’s perfect and healing love. Let’s set a higher standard for ourselves than mere tolerance. Consciously make the choice every morning to take a big drink of the spring of Living Water. Fill yourself with so much Perfect Love that it can’t help but overflow. That’s what we can do to heal this world.
by Tessa | Faith
The sermon last week was on the sword of the spirit. The pastor reminded us that all the chaos in this world is not a matter of political or religious issues. It is not about flesh and blood. It is a spiritual battle. It is not an attack on a country or people. It is an attack on Christ. The armor of God supports us with being a Christian in a broken world. And we cannot turn a blind eye to the attack on Christ.
The sword is the only offensive piece of the armor of God and it is not even ours. We have the ability to pick up the sword, not our sword. It belongs to the Spirit and refers to the living and life-altering Word of God. The Spirit uses the Word to comfort, encourage, and convict us and those around us.
Jesus used the Word when He was tempted in the desert. The devil backed down. The Word is active and alive and powerful.
Read your Bible to get it into your mind, let the message penetrate your heart, so you can be prepared to wield it when needed. It is available for us to call on when we are in the fight for our lives.
Christians in this world are in a fight for their lives.
When the enemy makes us question, we can wield the Truth. We get to hold onto to the promises of God. Pessimism is from the devil. It is a lack of trust in God’s promise. In His love.
The enemy has gained ground. He gains ground in our world, countries, society, and in our lives. But the enemy must obey. He will be removed.
We will be free. Free from the darkness and injustice and brokenness. Actually, the truth is that we are already free. We have been released. The enemy has been defeated.
by Tessa | Faith
A friend recently asked me some questions about my beliefs on a few things. God put a lot of stuff into my head and I just typed. It’s rough, it’s uncut, and it’s real. I’m publishing it partially to have a record for myself and partially because perhaps it is something that someone else out there might need to read.
I saw the photo and your comment. Lots of deep stuff in there 🙂 I actually just read a really good book that addressed a lot of your thoughts. It’s called The Shack by William P. Young. It’s a fictional story about a man who ends up spending a weekend with God. He asks God a lot of the same questions you asked. I just read it last weekend and there was a lot of good philosophical stuff in it so I’m thinking I’ll need to read it a few times but, even the first time through, it really helped me to understand more about why bad things happen and what God’s will is for the world. And it really helped put into perspective how our own sinful decisions can impact ourselves and those around us and the whole world in general. It shows how God can use the mistakes that we make and the things that seem bad to us to paint a more beautiful picture than we could ever imagine.
Keep in mind that I’m not speaking in behalf of all Christians, I’m speaking on behalf of myself and where I’m at with this right now. I am learning and growing and understanding more each year but there is no way I’ll ever fully comprehend the entirety of God’s mind and plan.
I have a friend who’s daughter recently got diagnosed with cancer. She’s just a few months younger than Biscuit and a super sweet girl and her parents are amazing God-fearing, faith-filled, born again Christians. It has been incredible to see the strength of their trust in God’s ultimate plan through this. It’s not easy for them but they recognize that we live in a fallen world and that there isn’t always an explanation that makes sense to us but that God’s picture isn’t finished yet.
Kind of like when I discipline my kids. Like when they reach for the stove and I pull them back. They don’t understand, they are hurt by my actions, but I do it out of love. How much moreso does God love us? Even if my children choose to go against me and touch the stove behind my back, they will get hurt. Not because I didn’t love them, but because they made the choice to do something that would hurt them. Sometimes they knew it would hurt them, sometimes they are just unable to understand the consequences of their actions. They just knew that I was preventing them from doing something they wanted to do but they didn’t see the whole picture. Either way, I comfort them through it, if they let me.
God warns us of the consequences but gives us free will to make the choice for ourselves. “If you love something, set it free,” in a way. My kids will (and already do) make choices that break my heart, but it is never because I don’t love them and want what’s best for them. They often don’t see how their choices today can influence them in the next 30 years because all they see is what’s right in front of them. As they get older, they’ll learn how to see further down the road but God will always see and know more because He isn’t restricted by time and space.
As for the “born gay” thing, that is a whole different ball game. I do know that a very high percentage of gay people have suffered abuse and/or had an absent parent (usually the father). I also know that some people see their 6 year old going through a dress wearing phase so they start believing their child is gay and it becomes a self fulfilling prophesy. Schools encourage children to come out of the closet at young ages, ages when they are too young to make life altering choices. They kid isn’t even aloud to decide what’s for supper but is encouraged to embrace a specific sexual orientation.
I, personally, believe in embracing who my children were designed to be. They were designed to be boys so I will treat them as boys and explain to them how a boy’s body works and encourage them to embrace and accept the fact that God designed them perfect just the way they are, as boys. Just because one is more sensitive and “girly” than the others doesn’t make him any less of a boy. (That’s just my personal conviction and I’m not speaking for all Christians because I don’t know how all Christians raise their boys).
As for judgement, there is a difference between disagreeing with someone and hating someone. A Christian will not hate someone for their sin. That would be ridiculous, considering all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. We are all sinners, we just sin in different ways. Christians believe a lot of things that are societally acceptable are wrong but it seems that people really like to focus on just the one thing and blow it out of proportion. There’s a verse in the Bible that talks about how if you break on law, no matter which law, you are a lawbreaker. At the end of the day, we are all lawbreakers and in need of a Savior. According to that, there is no hope for any of us.
That’s why Jesus came. He never broke God’s law. He was perfect. When God started dealing out punishments to all of us lawbreakers, Jesus stepped up and said, “punish me instead.” He loved us so much that He was willing to die the death of the worst of sinners. (I use the term “worst” according to human standards, God doesn’t judge one sin worse than another). Jesus took on the death that we were supposed to die. (It still boggles my mind of the fact that He was willing to do that for me.) Even if nothing else happened after that, Jesus death wiped the slate clean for us. But, on top of Him interceding for us and taking God’s wrath onto Himself, He beat death. Death was brought into the world by our mistake, our bad decision. And we were trapped by the cycle of life and death. But Jesus rose from the dead and broke that cycle. So, going back to my friend’s daughter, her earthly body may dies from this cancer. Because we still live in a fallen world and she lives in a fallen body. But her spirit, her soul, will live on, because this little girl clings to Jesus. He will pull her spirit out of her lifeless body to be with Him in paradise.
Holy moly, I just went through a bit or a mental journey as I wrote that. I’m not sure if it’s what you were expecting me to say or how much of it you have heard before but I pray that it falls on listening ears. And I want to thank you for asking me because typing all of that out was …. incredible. Thank you. And I hope that you can make some sense of it 🙂
by Tessa | Faith
First time obedience sounds like it would be fantastic, but it’s often not a healthy expectation. If my husband came in and said, “Woman, make me iced tea. NOW!” I would give him an earful about showing me respect and not treating me like a doormat. That’s not how you treat someone you love. Love means to serve, not be served. If he came in and said, “Honey, it’s hot outside and I’m out of iced tea. Could you make some for me?” I would be much more willing to do that small thing for him.
I mentioned that one of my “cranky mommy” triggers is feeling unheard, which often gets aggravated by unrealistic expectations of my children’s capability for obedience. I would love for them to create the habit of putting dirty laundry in the basket as soon as they take it off. But, being perfectly honest here, I don’t even have that habit. If I’m nearly 30 and still working on developing that habit, perhaps I should give a little grace to my kids who have really only been working on that habit for a few years.
I feel that my request is more important that the current game my son is play. However, it isn’t. Truly. I’m learning to step around the socks a little more and wait until there is a natural break in whatever game they are playing. If I wait for a natural pause, the boys are more capable of switching focus and taking a minute to complete the request properly.
Making iced tea for my husband could become an act of love and service. The next time he runs out of iced tea, I’d probably notice that it’s hot and remember he likes cold iced tea on a hot day. I would probably make him iced tea before he even asked. I don’t drink iced tea and I couldn’t care less about it. But I care about my husband so I try to keep the jug filled.
A couple of weeks ago I talked about how you should give yourself grace with housekeeping. Now I’m telling you to give your kids grace. They do want to please you, even if it is only done halfway. They should get credit for trying, just like my husband gives me credit for those evenings when I only get supper half made. Sometimes I don’t finish the job because I got distracted by life (typically in the form of small people). Just like my boys don’t always finish the job because they get distracted by life (and yes, play is a huge and important part of their life). And you know what my husband does when he sees I have gotten distracted? He comes alongside to help me finish the job. That’s my personal enlightening moment of today. I appreciate his coming alongside much more than I would appreciate him nagging me to finish on my own.
It is really tough for me to wrap my mind around the fact that my role as a mother is to serve. The miracle of the service of motherhood is that, after a while, my kids start to come alongside me.
Linked up at: Babies and Beyond, Cornerstone Confessions, Timewarp Wife, Gospel Homemaking
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by Tessa | Faith, Motherhood
If you haven’t heard of The 5 Love Languages
, I highly recommend getting the book and reading it. Understanding that different people communicate love in different ways can be a real revelation. It can often feel like your efforts are going unnoticed because you are comminucating in your own love language instead of in his love language. This means that you could be bending over backward to show someone you love them but they are still feeling empty because you are on different pages with what you need. Knowing what your husband needs can also help you figure out some free and simple ways to show love to him, not just on Valentine’s Day, but all year round.
My love language is quality time. This means that I see and noticed when my husband helps around the house, and I appreciate his help, but it doesn’t necessarily fill up my “love tank.” He could tell me all day how much he loves me and sweep me into his wonderfully secure bear hugs, but that’s not what fills my tank. In order for me to feel loved, I need him to sit and talk with me. I want to do something face-to-face. One of my favorite things to do is go for a drive with him and just talk. It’s great for both of us to know this about me so we can plan for regular chats. (I do know that sitting in the car isn’t actually face-to-face but a drive usually results in quality conversation, even though we’re sitting side-by-side).
My husband is a little more complicated. He’s taken the quizzes and I have read chunks of the book to him but we’re still unsure of his primary love language. We know which language doesn’t communicate as well to him (gifts is lowest on both of our scales) but the other 4 are pretty even across the board for him. This used to bother me because my life would be so much easier if I had this information. Until I devised a plan to show him love in the way that he needed, no matter what. So here’s my simple plan: show him love in each language. I’ve mentioned before that I’m a bit of a planner and I love my schedule. Here’s my weekly layout with some simple ways to show love in 5 love languages:
Monday: Act of service. Keeping it simple, this means that I will make his iced tea or coffee for him, dust his computer desk, or put away his laundry. All things that he normally does so it’s a nice little surprise for him when he comes in and it’s already done.
Tuesday: Physical touch. I make an extra effort to hug him, rub his back, or pat his butt when I walk past him.
Wednesday: Words of Encouragement. Leave a sticky note on his computer with some encouragement or I’ll simply tell (or text) him during the day to let him know of something specific that I appreciate about him or am proud of him for. For example: You are an amazing father and I love how you play with the boys before bed. Thank you for working hard in the cold to provide for our family. You give the best hugs and they make me feel so warm and secure.
Thursday: Gift. I don’t buy him a gift every Thursday but, every once in a while, I’ll pull out a special bag of chips or ice cream or sesame snaps that I bought on Tuesday during my grocery trip. Lip balm and hot chocolate in the winter or iced cappuccino in the summer. Sometimes the boys and I will make him a craft or paint a picture for him. Every once in a while I get to surprise him with a bigger ticket item (like a new headset for his phone), though I don’t usually wait until Thursday to give bigger items to him. Putting “gifts” on Thursday is often more of a reminder to me that this is one way to communicate love to him and allows me to plan for the future.
Friday: Quality time. We often open with me catching up on what his week has been like but his quality time looks different than mine. Because I’m a woman, I like face-to-face quality time and he, as a man, like side-by-side time. So we will watch a movie or play a video game together.
It is so rewarding to do something extra each day to show my husband I love him. I follow this rather loosely and hopefully it’s obvious to you that I show him love throughout the week (and weekend) in various ways. But this little schedule is a helpful reminder that love is communicated in more than one way and it is my job to make sure that I’m communicating in a language that he understands.
Is there a specific way that you communicate love to your husband? Is it in your love language or in his?
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