I’ve decided to join Marcy from Ben and Me on her journey of blogging through the alphabet. Every Monday, from A until Z, I hope to be linking up with her. Make sure that you check out the whole link up party every week because there are going to be many other great posts to check out.
Though I may not be the most experienced mother out there, I have met incredible mothers on the tail end of the journey and, through their insights, I do believe I have discovered a secret to mothering: it’s all about a person’s attitude towards mothering. Some believe that children should be seen and not heard, and they are completely shocked when their baby cries. Some believe that all babies should respond the same way to the same thing, and they are shocked when their baby turns out different than their friends’ babies. Some believe that all babies should be doing this or that by a specific age and they are proud when their baby is “ahead” or ashamed when their baby is “behind.”
Isn’t it interesting that we understand that every adult is different and has different skills, interests, and gifts, yet we expect all our children to fit into a specific mold? We have some ridiculous expectations of our children and babies and, to be honest, it can get very stressful when you try to meet all of them.
Here are some universal truths about babies and becoming a mother:
1. Your baby will need you and you are capable of meeting those needs (even if sometimes it feels like they need more than you can give).
2. Your baby will learn how to walk…. eventually.
3. Your baby will learn to sleep longer stretches….. eventually. Have you ever met a teenager who doesn’t like his/her sleep?
4. Your baby will learn to speak…..eventually. Some babies are more vocal than others and some are less. Much like some adults are more vocal than others and some are less.
5. Your baby will cry. (See point #4)
6. Your baby will be out of diapers…. eventually.
7. Your baby will get sick. A cold or fever isn’t the end of the world.
8. You will be tired. Recognize this fact and realize that, as much as it sucks, fatigue is not the end of the world. You are not entitled to 8 solid hours of sleep per night. You will impress yourself with how many years you can not only survive but learn to thrive off of interrupted sleep.
Get rid of preconceived notions about what your baby (or toddler, preschooler, school aged child, etc) should be doing. Relax and just go with the flow. Stop comparing to books and charts and, especially, to other babies you know. Your baby is unique and will therefore choose his/her own unique growth and development curve. The only one that your baby should be compared to is him/herself. Is progress being made? Why or why not?
Make the decision that when you hit a rough patch, it isn’t because your baby is broken or you are incapable of caring for him/her. It is because there are ups and downs in everyone’s life, including your baby’s.
Good news for when you’re in a rough patch: This is a phase, this too shall pass.
Bad news for when things are flowing smoothly: This is a phase, this too shall pass.
The biggest challenge is to develop an attitude towards mothering that will see you through all the highs and lows.
Step 1: Commit. You’re in for the long haul so you can either choose to be miserable for the long haul or choose to appreciate the beauty that comes with this wonderful privilege of mothering.
Step 2: Listen to your Baby. I’m not advocating that you ignore medical advice, or even advice from well meaning loved ones, but I am advocating that you listen to your child first and foremost. The more you listen to your mother’s intuition from the beginning, the more you’ll be able to discern whether someone’s advice applies to you and your situation.
Step 3: Seek encouragement. Find a friend, or group of friends, who will encourage you to listen to your baby instead of to them. Keep in mind that encouragement and advice are two very different things. Most moms already know what they should be doing and just need to be encouraged to do it.
There’s a simple 3 step plan to developing an attitude towards mothering that will put you on a significantly smoother path than comparisons and unrealistic expectations will.
What is one of the biggest preconceived notions that you have had to let go of since becoming a mother?
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It’s so easy to forget that ‘this time shall pass’ when it’s a rough long sleepless night. We then wish away their young days. You open your eyes and they are teenages. (I know from experience.) Enjoy those precious babies, let them grow in their own timing, and be patience with the troubling moments.
Children are definitely a blessing from the Lord!
Thank you. They certainly are a blessing. I’m not at the teenager stage yet but my oldest will be six soon and, wow, kids are such a good measure of time. I’m glad I took the time to enjoy him when he was young. Makes enjoying him as he ages much easier 🙂
As a mother of 7 (soon to be 8) I think you nailed it here. This is the basis and foundation of everything else… understanding that our children are children, just as imperfect as we are, just as human, just as worthy of love… and giving ourselves freedom to be human and imperfect and worthy of love… everything else can be figured out as we go!
“Just as imperfect and just as worthy of love” Such a beautiful statement!
Great post! Thanks for linking up at Babies and Beyond. I have a chalk board in my kitchen and it says, “Thanks you Lord for the hardwork of motherhood.” We always talk about what a joy and blessing children are, but honestly, they are also a lot of hardwork! We have to thankful that the rough patches too, and remember that the joy comes from growing together and loving one another, even on bad days 🙂
Thanks for stopping by. I think it comes back to that old saying that goes something like, “Anything of value is worth working for.”
This is a great post! I’m always telling Brady we should speak our attitude which means making a choice of what kind of attitude to have, and that applies to mother too.
It applies to every area of life, doesn’t it? And speaking our attitude is a great start to actually feeling it too!
Great post! Yes, attitude makes all the difference!
Thank you. It really can make all the difference.
I love that you zero in on our attitudes towards mothering! I’m not a mother yet, but I struggle with the idea of being one. There are a lot of cultural values that are placed on motherhood (I come from a traditional Asian background) as well as broken messages that have been passed down from generation to generation in my family. I’m thankful that God is a God who redeems and makes all things new, and though attitudes may be pervasive throughout generations, He is great enough to change them. (you can find my post on my fears on motherhood here: http://www.whatsonmymindgrapes.com/2013/01/22/on-motherhood/)
On a side note, can I just say that I’m glad to be gleaning this wisdom before I have kids??? I totally know that left to my own devices, I’d totally be that anxious mom worried that her kid isn’t meeting developmental milestones at the right time or whatever. Thanks for the encouragement and exhortation today. 🙂
God truly does redeem. Even those of us who seem to have had an idyllic upbringing often come to marriage and motherhood with a lot of skeletons that need to be worked out. Spend some time with mothers who are truly passionate about their children and you’ll see that there are two sides to the mothering journey. Our family has had our highs and some (very low) lows but, at the end of the day, children truly are a blessing! Just think of the people that have, and love, large families: if it was so terrible, would anyone have more than one? 😉
Such great reminders this morning. One of the biggest hurdles I have had to overcome is letting go of a “perfect” routine. I have created some basic daily routines, and some days they do get done, but there are some days when it’s a miracle that the kids get fed a balanced meal 🙂 Cheerios and chicken nuggets are a life savor!
So hard to achieve a perfect routine every day with the unpredictability of life with little ones! I actually wrote about the changes I’ve had to adjust to with the roller coaster of unpredictability in my life since my first was born. (You can check out the post here if you like) Sometimes it’s just about trying to make it to the end of the day with a smile on your face!
What a great reminder, especially on a Monday when a great attitude isn’t always easy.
You would think that after a refreshing weekend that we would be able to face Mondays ready to conquer the world! But yes, often Mondays are a step back into the rush of work, which isn’t always the most fun. Hence the reason why I’m currently on my computer instead of cleaning my kitchen…. I’m now giving myself an attitude shift and going to remind myself how much I enjoy looking at a clean kitchen and folded laundry 🙂