Unexpected Pregnancy and Unassisted Birth

Disclosure

This is a story about my experience with unassisted pregnancy and unassisted birth. But in order to do his story justice, I need to start months before he was even conceived.

Right after my 3rd son turned two, I became pregnant. We were overjoyed as we had always wanted 4 children. We choose to keep my pregnancies secret for the first 3 months and this time was no different.

Actually, it was different. I didn’t have morning sickness or first trimester fatigue. After being sick for 7 or 8 months with my previous two pregnancies, the healthy feeling was a welcome relief. I had spent the previous two years making big changes to improve my health and I guess it helped. I called the midwife and she had an opening and was excited to take me on. there was no midwife in the area for my previous pregnancy so I had no choice but to have an unassisted birth. I felt the baby move at about 9 weeks, around the same time as his or her older brothers. It was a surreal feeling to have no morning sickness. If it wasn’t for the movement I regularly felt, I wouldn’t have believed I was even expecting. I had a pattern of a miscarriage before healthy pregnancy with my first two and, when I conceived my third son, God told me to trust Him and I felt secure in the pregnancy. That was the first time I didn’t have a miscarriage. This time I felt like He was just telling me to wait on Him.

This time I felt like He was just telling me to wait on Him.

And wait I did. I believe my heart always knew that that baby wouldn’t be with us for a long time. Around 9.5 weeks I had a bit of spotting and it started to feel like a waiting game. I waited on Him and I waited to say goodbye. I miscarried the baby at almost 11 weeks. After my first two miscarriages, I conceived on the next cycle but this time was different. Cycle after cycle came and went with nothing. Apparently God wanted me to continue waiting. Eventually I made peace with the fact it could be God’s will for us to have 3 biological children instead of 4.

After 6 pregnancies conceived after 1 try, pregnancy number 7 was an unexpected surprise after 6 months of waiting. As excited as we were, I still had that surreal feeling. I called the midwife and she was unavailable during the time I was due so I had to start wrapping my head around another unassisted pregnancy and birth. I didn’t have morning sickness. I still hadn’t felt the baby move at 10 weeks. And then not at 11 weeks. I didn’t feel pregnant. Maybe I wasn’t really willing to believe I was, just in case. The midwife, who had become a friend, was able to get me booked in for an ultrasound, as per my request, which is something I hadn’t wanted for my previous pregnancies. At 12 weeks, the day before the ultrasound. I thought I may have felt the baby move. Thankfully the ultrasound technician confirmed what my husband already trusted to be true: we were going to have a baby!

.I experienced only two weeks of morning sickness, from week 14 to 16. Though my uterus got huge (people commented how I must be excited for my Christmas baby and were shocked and embarrassed when I told them I was only 5.5 months) I didn’t have any water retention and didn’t feel like I gained as much weight as my previous children. (For the record, I did. I just carried it differently. I gained over 70lbs each pregnancy.)

I hired a doula who I met when she and I both attended my friend’s birth. She seemed a bit unsure about an unassisted pregnancy and birth but, as she got to know me better, became more comfortable with the idea. We exchanged birth resources (I have quite a home library) and swapped pregnancy and birth advice. She came to pray for me and encourage me when I ended up in the hospital at 35 weeks. (This was for a non pregnancy related incident. You can read a bit more about this experience in a post I wrote about How to Deal With Anxiety.)

I sent her a text a few weeks before my due date to let her know I had been having fairly strong pre labour contractions every evening for a week. I kept thinking, hoping, I would wake up to have a baby but they always stopped when I went to sleep. It was very similar to my first three experiences of prelabour: 3 days for my first, 5 days for my second, and 8 days for my third.

The week after I had nothing. I hoped for an early birth because I get SPD (symphisis pubis dysfunctions is a separation of the pelvic bone due to the relaxin hormone that helps your body give birth) pretty bad near the end and spent most of my day sitting on my couch so I didn’t injure myself. After 5 days of no prelabour, I figured God wanted me to keep waiting. I made peace with the fact that it would be another two weeks before I could meet my baby and be done with the SPD pain. That was Thursday morning. My doula let me know she wanted to head to the city on Friday (a drive of more than 2 hours one way) and I joked with her about bringing back 3 or 4 Ikea bookcases for me.

That evening I went to bed and snuggled with my 3 year old. I cherished his nighttime snuggles, knowing it was nearing his daddy’s turn to take over his night-time needs. He curled up around my belly and I breathed in the fresh scent of his dirt and grass infused hair.

I woke up around 4:30am to go to the bathroom. (I don’t think I mentioned another symptom I didn’t have was a baby sitting on my bladder so nighttime potty breaks weren’t a regular occurance.) Our bathroom is down the stairs and on the other end of the house so, after traipsing through the cold house, I was very ready to crawl back into my nice warm bed. I was nearly asleep again when I got what felt like a contraction. I checked the clock (it was 5am) and started timing. 6 to 7 minutes apart. I started 2 minutes apart with my third son so I figured I had lots of time but, after 3 or 4 contractions, I realized I couldn’t sleep through them. Poked my husband and told him he wouldn’t be going to work because we were going to have a baby. He mumbled and I headed downstairs. I started my contraction timer app and noticed that walking downstairs had shortened the interval to 2 to 3 minutes. I shouted up the stairs to Adam to get the pool ready and sent a text to my doula. She didn’t respond so I waited until a contraction was done and called to let her know she should probably reschedule her trip to the city. It was pretty close to 6am at this point and she was getting up anyway and lives less than ten minutes away. She came in the door and was surprised by how far into active labour I already was.

Adam was heating water on the stove and filling the pool. I was so concerned about the pool because it had a leak and I was convinced he hadn’t taped it up well enough. The hose also didn’t fit on our faucet so I was concerned about the water spraying all over the kitchen. My doula got right to work and held my hips and rubbed my back in a way that calmed me. We were joking around in between contractions and Adam was making fun of me for being so obsessed with the pool issue (that according to him wasn’t an issue at all).

Jesse, the 3 year old, came down the stairs first. He was some great comedic relief as he jumped on the mini trampoline beside me like a bouncy little energizer bunny. I love how he asked why the pool was downstairs and we told him the baby was coming and he just went with the flow. Birth is not something that kids naturally fear. Caleb and Isaac, almost-9 and 6, came downstairs right after I got into the pool. They were so quiet but so excited to see me in the pool and knew that the baby would be out soon. I thought they were quietly excited anyway. Apparently they were making fun of the noises I was making. (I’m a pretty vocal birther). Jesse was holding my cup of water and made sure to offer it every time I looked up at him. My doula was holding my hand. Adam was telling the boys to be more polite and keeping track of the water temperature and level.

So that is what the rest of them were up to while I did my thing. I am always surprised by how coherent I am, even during the final stages of labour. I laboured in the pool for a while and gave myself pep talks about how I could do this and to breathe the baby down in between contractions. During contractions I would say, out loud so everyone could hear, about how it wasn’t working and that I just wanted to be done and that I was taking too long and things didn’t seem to be progressing.

During pushing contractions my inner pep talks all but stopped as I tried to figure out why the baby wasn’t out yet and why it was taking so long. I quickly discovered the baby wasn’t in a good birthing position and I went from hands and knees to upright on my knees. He immediately went from being pushed backwards to going forwards and crowning . I told them all I didn’t know what way he was going to go, behind me where someone else would have to catch him or forward where I could grab him.

His head came out and I felt something very soft and squishy. During pregnancy I had thought he might be breech so I wondered if that was confirmation. Then I felt his eye and breathed a quick sigh of relief, knowing his head was out and the hardest push was done. It felt like ages until the next contraction came and his little body came sliding out into my waiting hands. He opened his eyes and looked straight at me the instant he was out of the water. He has been awake and moving all during labour and was totally ready to greet the world. I kept saying, “he’s MY baby!” The emphasis on “my” because he is the first of my sons that I see myself in. It felt like a little me looking back at me. He looked over my shoulder at his brothers and I said to Jesse, “he sees you.” My husband was in disbelief and asked, “it’s another boy?” That was when I realized I didnt actually know and should probably check. Sure enough, he was all boy.

Since the day my husband and I started talking about having children, we wanted 4. I always said I would rather have 4 boys than 4 girls and, over the years, my heart grew more and more fond of the idea of 4 sons. With Asher, which means “happy” in Hebrew, I felt like my heart would burst with joy at my dream coming true. He is now over a month old and I still spend most of my day on the couch, snuggling a sleeping baby or starting into the eyes of a very attentive newborn. People have asked if I’m disappointed to have only sons. I tell them I couldn’t be more happy.

A positive unassisted home water birth story

Asher was born at 7:28am and was 7lbs and 18.5 inches long. What felt like a long labour was only about 2.5 hours with only 6 pushing contractions. I thank the Lord that everything went so smoothly!

If you would like to read about my third son’s birth, it was my first unassisted pregnancy and unassisted birth and truly a spiritual birth experience.

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Life Plan: 2014

by Tessa | Personal Development

The best goal setting book I have ever read is The Power of Focus: What the World’s Greatest Achievers Know about The Secret to Financial Freedom & Success, by Les Hewitt, Mark Victor Hanson, and Jack Canfield. I have been using the outline in that book for my business and life plan, on and off, since about 2005. I love how it organizes goals into 7 main target areas: financial, business/career, fun time, health/fitness, relationships, personal, contribution/spiritual. I have tried to keep all these areas in mind as I set my goals and figure out my priorities for 2014. I have also tried to keep in mind the different roles that I fill: child of God, wife, mother, homemaker, entrepreneur.

I’m going to admit that I don’t have a personal (or family) vision or mission statement. I’m sure that goal setting would be a lot simpler if I had one. One day I’ll write one up. For now, I’m borrowing an idea that I saw on a blog just over a year ago: a one word yearly theme. 2013 was Peace. My family desperately needed peace and we sought it and managed to maintain it, in spite of the move and new farm set up (and more recently a new baby). We praise the Lord for that!

One word for 2014: Pursue.

Definition: To follow in an effort to overtake or capture.

I have felt called to pursue God in a way that I never have in the past. I also want to teach my children to pursue Him. I want to pursue my husband. I want to pursue my children’s hearts. And I want to pursue my God-given dreams.

My goals will revolve around this theme and be broken down into monthly habits/routines that I want to instigate. I am working on making a plan to apply this in the 7 main target areas of my life and the 5 major roles that I have.

I have been spending a lot of time in prayer about where I’m currently spending my time and effort. Some things I have figured out and other things I am still waiting for guidance on. I’m planning to talk to some mentors in my life (including my husband) to ask their advice in certain areas. Only time and the Lord know how the next year will play out, but I’m excited to enter into it with a clear picture of where my focus will be.

I’m also excited to be sharing this journey of Personal Priorities: 2014 Edition and want to say a big THANK YOU to Tammy from Creative K Kids for organizing this wonderful way to stay accountable to these goals and priorities. Make sure you hop on over to the other blogs participating in the 2014 edition of Personal Priorities.

Grab the button from the sidebar and join me on this journey. Link up the LAST Friday of the month at any of the participating blogs and let’s help each other stay accountable to have an unstoppable 2014!

*This post contains affiliate links. If you follow the link and choose to make a purchase, I may receive a small referral commission, at no extra cost to you.*

Blogger Award Nomination: Sunshine Award

by Tessa | Personal Development

A first for me, I’ve been nominated for a blogger award! I have seen these floating around but never knew much about them. So I did some research into what the Sunshine Award is all about.

According to one site, the Sunshine Award is The Sunshine Award is for “bloggers who positively and creatively inspire others in the blogosphere”.

I want to thank Steph from Burbs to Boonies for the nomination. She has blogs about her life in a small town in Kansas, USA, frugal living, healthy cooking, encouragement parenting, co-schooling or supplementing public school education, modern day hunting and gathering, living by faith and getting families outdoors. I love her ideas on getting families outdoors, though, judging by some of the winter activities she suggests, I don’t think Kansas winters get quite as cold as Alberta winters do!

Here are the rules for the award:

1. Acknowledge the nominating blogger.
2. Share 11 random facts about yourself.
3. Answer 11 questions the nominating blogger has created for you (my nominees, you can just answer the same ones!)
4. List bloggers (8-12) that you believe deserve some recognition and a little blogging love, usually newer or up-and-coming blogs.
5. Let all of the bloggers know that they’ve been nominated.

I’ll start with Bloggers I’d like to nominate. I’m nominating them because I enjoy reading their material and I think that you would too. There is some amazing content here by some very talented writers:
1. Adelien from Blessed Learners (and I see that I’m not the first one to nominate her!)
2. Crystal from Wisdom Seeking Mommy
3. Victoria from Creative Home Keeper
4. Tammy from Creative K Kids
5. Ashley from Joyful Thrifty Home
6. Retha from Bible Fascination
7. Stephanie from Abundant Living
8. Jennie at SelkieMum

Questions:

1. What’s your favorite meal of the day — breakfast, lunch or dinner? Breakfast. Yummy foods like pancakes, French toast, and cheesy-eggy wraps. Plus I love the fact that my husband loves to cook breakfast which means I don’t have to!
2. What’s your favorite fruit? Hmm… tough one. Maybe strawberries. Though watermelon and cold oranges or apples are great on a hot summer day.
3. When you were five, what did you want to be when you grew up? I don’t remember that far back! Maybe a dairy farmer, singer, or a writer. Those were at the top of my list for most of my childhood.
4. What quality do you find most attractive in others? Honesty.
5. What’s your favorite sport? I enjoy swimming and karate but I’m not really into sports. Especially at this point in my life.
6. Gold or silver? Silver to wear, gold to win 😉
7. What’s your favorite candy? It changes depending on my mood. Right now I could go for some gummy bears. But I also love Reese bars. And vanilla Charleston Chews. And Rockets (or as Americans call them, Smarties). And marshmallow strawberries and bananas. Oooooooh Candy Corn!!!! Can’t believe I forgot about that! ….. Thinking about candy while pregnant is not a good idea! Normally I prefer salty and crunchy treats but, apparently, I prefer sweets when pregnant.
8. What’s your favorite online shopping website? Amazon. If I had a million dollars, I’d buy books.
9. What’s your pet peeve? When people complain about their life but are doing nothing to change it.
10. Winter, spring, summer or fall? Fall. There’s something about the smell and the colors, and harvesting. Cool and crisp and fresh.
11. How many pairs of shoes do you have? About 7, including farm and winter stuff.

11 Random Facts About Me:

1. I’m not very random. I plan everything, even if it’s just seconds before, I have gone over the details in my mind.
2. I love milk. Cold, white milk. I really love it. It’s delicious. I drink a lot of it.
3. I want to grow my hair out. I just love the shock factor of people when I pull waist length hair out of my jacket in the wintertime.
4. I haven’t slept more than 6.5 hours uninterrupted in about 5.5 years. That was just couple days ago. Now I’m back to the regular 2-3 hour chunks.
5. I would love to be up at 5 and have a couple hours of quiet time before the rest of the world wakes up. I truly would! But see point #4 as to why that just isn’t happening at this point in my life.
6. I love vanilla. Candles, perfume, foods, even the beautiful vanilla flower.
7. I don’t enjoy getting dirt on my hands. I would rather scrape poo in the barn than work in the garden. But, alas, my family appreciates the fresh food so gardening it is!
8. My husband and I think scary alike. At the end of the day, we rarely disagree on anything. He isn’t always as vocal about his view points but I love the strength of his convictions. And his arms… but that’s a whole other story!
9. I am the complete opposite of the mother I thought that I would be before I had C. I do so many things that I stood against (extended breastfeeding, babywearing, bed-sharing etc) and I’m so glad that God opened my eyes to the importance of attaching to your children.
10. I can’t not be running a business of some sort. I tried and my mind gets itching to do something entrepreneurial.
11. Even though I am a true blue perfectionist, I have learned the importance of picking and choosing areas to perfect that I can and cannot control. In other words, my perfectionism does not stress me out. I like to think of it as perfecting my perfectionism. I have also learned recently that perfectionism is a gift not a curse or something to change, as I’ve been told much of my life.

In the Thick of It

by Tessa | Motherhood

I have some great posts that I want to write but my time is not my own these days. Currently my little ones are watching a show so I can type this out really quick and then head to my sewing machine to get some stuff ready for a trade fair that I’m attending this weekend. My house is in disarray, I have frozen lasagna for supper (and that’s the best supper my family has had in the last while!) and I feel like I’m running on fumes. Coffee fumes that is.

Quick update: The farm renovations are nearing completion. Another couple weeks and (Lord willing!) the barn will be ready to go. Which means that I have some more packing to do. God is really showing us His hand in things and, though His ways are hard to understand, I try to remember that He is in control and will take care of His children.

Bought a 20 book set about science and C and I started reading them as soon as they were out of the car. He is learning new words and absolutely loving the books. mama cat nursing her kittens

Both boys are enthralled with the new kittens in the barn and are learning to be gentle with them. They are the first tame kittens we have had in quite a few years. Their mama is tame but usually she hides her kittens so we can’t tame them. I think that God knew we needed some soft, snuggly kittens in our lives right now.

Motherwort is being tinctured right now, echinacea wil be tinctured in the next couple of days, and herbal teas and vitamins are ordered. Hoping we’ll be able to make it through cold & flu season without any chemical drugs.

Care to share any of your favorite cold & flu remedies? I’d love to add some more natural methods to my arsenal!