by Tessa | Homemaking, Motherhood
Getting Children to Do Chores: 2 Mistakes Parents Make
I’m about to say something that might ruffle a few feathers, but here it is: paying your kids for chores and using age-specific chore charts don’t work. I know, these are popular methods that many parents swear by, but hear me out: these approaches can actually make life harder for you and your kids. If you’ve tried them but still end up fighting to get your children to do chores, you’re not alone.
Let’s dive into why these methods fall short and what you can do instead to make chores less of a battle and more of a breeze.
Mistake #1: Paying for Chores
First up: paying your kids to do chores. I’ve been there—trying to motivate my kids with “mom-quarters” that they could earn and spend at the mom-market. I even created a whole system where they could shop for little prizes. Sounds fun, right? Well, it worked… for about a week. Then I started finding those paper quarters crumpled up under the couch, and my once-excited kids were over it.
The problem with tying rewards to chores is that it gives kids the option to weigh whether the reward is worth the effort. But here’s the thing: chores aren’t optional.
Next, I tried using screen time as a reward. But guess what? Some of my kids decided they didn’t really care about watching a show, so they’d skip the screen time—and the chores. The novelty wore off quickly, and the tasks still needed to be done! The problem with tying rewards to chores is that it gives kids the option to weigh whether the reward is worth the effort. But here’s the thing: chores aren’t optional.
Mistake #2: Relying on Age-Specific Chore Charts
Next, let’s chat about those age-specific chore charts. I can’t tell you how many of those I’ve tried! They look great on paper but often miss the mark in real life. Kids develop at different rates, and a chart might not always align with what your family needs. Instead of sticking to someone else’s chart, try focusing on tasks that matter to you and fit your child’s abilities. Your little ones might surprise you with what they can handle if you give them a chance!
What Actually Works to Get Kids to Do Chores?
Building a Culture of Teamwork
Forget the rewards and rigid charts—aim for a family culture of teamwork.
When everyone feels like a valuable part of the team, and homecare is a natural part of your life, there’s much less resistance when it’s time to clean the kitchen or sweep the floors. I won’t lie and say that attitudes are always sunshine and roses about it, but everyone know that they job must be done and so everyone learns to contribute, with minimal grumbling (yes, even teenagers can learn this!).
This starts with a change in your mindset. When you see chores as an opportunity to teach and connect with your kids, it shifts the dynamic. Next, work on changing your kids’ attitudes toward home care. Show them that taking care of the home is a shared responsibility, and not something to be avoided or traded for rewards. And then take the time to properly teach them the skills to do the work.
Want to know how to make this shift without all the drama? Join me for my masterclass, “How to Get Children to Do Chores Without Fighting, Nagging, or Bribes.” I share practical tips and tricks to help you turn chore time into a smoother, more cooperative experience.
Sign up today and say goodbye to chore-time battles. Let’s make running the household a bit easier and a lot more enjoyable!
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by Tessa | Faith
First time obedience sounds like it would be fantastic, but it’s often not a healthy expectation. If my husband came in and said, “Woman, make me iced tea. NOW!” I would give him an earful about showing me respect and not treating me like a doormat. That’s not how you treat someone you love. Love means to serve, not be served. If he came in and said, “Honey, it’s hot outside and I’m out of iced tea. Could you make some for me?” I would be much more willing to do that small thing for him.
I mentioned that one of my “cranky mommy” triggers is feeling unheard, which often gets aggravated by unrealistic expectations of my children’s capability for obedience. I would love for them to create the habit of putting dirty laundry in the basket as soon as they take it off. But, being perfectly honest here, I don’t even have that habit. If I’m nearly 30 and still working on developing that habit, perhaps I should give a little grace to my kids who have really only been working on that habit for a few years.
I feel that my request is more important that the current game my son is play. However, it isn’t. Truly. I’m learning to step around the socks a little more and wait until there is a natural break in whatever game they are playing. If I wait for a natural pause, the boys are more capable of switching focus and taking a minute to complete the request properly.
Making iced tea for my husband could become an act of love and service. The next time he runs out of iced tea, I’d probably notice that it’s hot and remember he likes cold iced tea on a hot day. I would probably make him iced tea before he even asked. I don’t drink iced tea and I couldn’t care less about it. But I care about my husband so I try to keep the jug filled.
A couple of weeks ago I talked about how you should give yourself grace with housekeeping. Now I’m telling you to give your kids grace. They do want to please you, even if it is only done halfway. They should get credit for trying, just like my husband gives me credit for those evenings when I only get supper half made. Sometimes I don’t finish the job because I got distracted by life (typically in the form of small people). Just like my boys don’t always finish the job because they get distracted by life (and yes, play is a huge and important part of their life). And you know what my husband does when he sees I have gotten distracted? He comes alongside to help me finish the job. That’s my personal enlightening moment of today. I appreciate his coming alongside much more than I would appreciate him nagging me to finish on my own.
It is really tough for me to wrap my mind around the fact that my role as a mother is to serve. The miracle of the service of motherhood is that, after a while, my kids start to come alongside me.
Linked up at: Babies and Beyond, Cornerstone Confessions, Timewarp Wife, Gospel Homemaking
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by Tessa | Motherhood
It’s a question unschoolers are asked regularly: does unschooling actually work? For our family, unschooling has worked in allowing our boys to learn at their own pace, how and when they decided they are ready. Time and time again my husband and I have been reminded how our kids will figure out what they need to know in their lives/interests and then pursue it. I’ve shared how a simple observation leads to questions in the unschooling process.
Top Gear UK. We have watched every episode on Netflix (also available through Amazon Prime’s Amazon Instant Video
) at least once. Most of them multiple times. Especially the episodes with mustangs. If you haven’t watched the show here’s a low down: three men test drive cars and review them and do a bunch of crazy challenges. From an unschooling perspective, it is a mother of boys’ dream come true. The show involves geography and history (the places they visit), science/mechanics (engines, building experiments), language/vocabulary (the hosts are mostly clean and use fun words like “torque,” “centrifugal force,” and “gravity”), art (in the form of beautifully molded metal as well as the scenery and videography), politics (in various countries, not just England), critical thinking (how can they cross a salt land without sinking?) and even mathematical concepts (horsepower, speed, time).
My boys are young so they’re not quite ready to tear apart an engine to rebuild it but C asks a ton of questions and both boys listen and take in the answers. They have a ton of small cars that they act out the races with, including building ramps and jumps and ferrying them across rivers. They hadn’t really gone beyond that whole cars and racing theme until recently though.
A few weeks ago, they made a train with the kitchen chairs. Certainly not an unusual thing for children to do so I didn’t think much of it. I even packed them a little suitcase with their clothes (ulterior motive: they were still in their jammies so I hoped they would get dressed) and planned to pack them a picnic lunch. They had their tickets and even modified the train to fit a seat for Baby Bear and me. C was the engineer and Biscuit was the conductor.
Then it got even better: they planned a trip.
They were going to drive down Chile to the bottom of South America and see if they would be able to beat (imaginary) Daddy, who was driving a Mustang in the race. This gave us the opportunity to examine our wall map to see what kind of obstacles they would come across (bodies of water, mountains, etc.). We talked about how maps work and calculating distances and how many days the race might take them. It was a really great geography lesson (and probably covered a whole host of other schoolish subjects too) and a really great imaginative game as well.
That is unschooling. It requires very little effort on anyone’s part to follow those questions but it requires a lot of trust that our children are designed to learn. And, if granted the freedom to do so, learn they shall. Even if they spend days at a time watching a tv show with three bickering middle aged men with funny accents.
What has caught the interest of your child recently? What are you willing to do to run with their curiosity?
*This post may contain affiliate links. If you follow the link and choose to make a purchase, I may receive a small referral commission, at no extra cost to you.*
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